Why should marriage be the endgame?


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CoteDuRhone is offline CoteDuRhone Post #21  September 3,2008, 8:35am

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pinz,244400 wrote :

CoteDuRhone,244356 wrote :


I think people like marriage because it is like an union job. No risk of losing it even if performance is sub par, and salaries are OK with annual raises guaranteed. Unfortunately, these days neither union jobs nor eternal marriage are guaranteed, hence people are trying their best to hang on to the lost vestiges of an ideal world where devotion was guaranteed regardless of qualities.


Don't agree.


Within a marriage, not everyone can be on their 'best game' 24/7. Life is just not like that. One must be prepared to accept that neither you nor your mate are 'perfect'. That 's not to say you don't TRY, or put your 'best foot forward'. A couple within a marriage is presumably together because, overall, they LIKE each other and are prepared to 'commit' to each other beyond the looser arrangement of an LTR. In my opinion.




In other words, the ring is a get out of jail free card in case you screw up in the relationship.
 
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CoteDuRhone is offline CoteDuRhone Post #22  September 3,2008, 8:40am

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littlebluemonkeymind,244403 wrote :

CoteDuRhone,244356 wrote :


I think people like marriage because it is like an union job. No risk of losing it even if performance is sub par, and salaries are OK with annual raises guaranteed. Unfortunately, these days neither union jobs nor eternal marriage are guaranteed, hence people are trying their best to hang on to the lost vestiges of an ideal world where devotion was guaranteed regardless of qualities.


For at least the last 50 years, the risk of losing a marriage, regardless of performance, has actually been quite high.


Devotion is never guaranteed. But it is also not a commodity to be bartered. Or rather, if it is, you can bet that someone else may offer a better price for it somewhere down the line...hardly worth the bother then, is it?
I don't get your point about devotion.


I do agree with you that marriage is not a done deal in the last 50 years, which is precisely why men and women yearn for that magical marriage (even though marriage was hardly magical 100 years back). It's a desire to go back in time where the grass is always greener and no one has to worry about their jobs getting outsourced or getting an advanced degree to stay competitive. Yes, it comes with its shortcomings in lower standard of living (I am talking of free trade here) but wouldn't it be nice to be stress free even if one had none of the amenities of the 21st century?


Same goes for marriage. It is a comfortable place, which lacks excitement but requires little effort. On paper, that is. In reality, if people want to get something out of a marriage they have to work hard, which makes it little different than maintaining a successful LTR. Hence the sky high divorce rate. You cannot expect to become filthy rich on an union job either.
 
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Digital is offline Digital Post #23  September 3,2008, 8:42am

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littlebluemonkeymind,244403 wrote :

Devotion is never guaranteed. But it is also not a commodity to be bartered. Or rather, if it is, you can bet that someone else may offer a better price for it somewhere down the line...hardly worth the bother then, is it?
+1.
While it would be nice to think that you can finally “stop guessing” once you’ve found “the one”. The truth of the matter, is that nothing is ever certain – and just because you exchange a few words doesn’t mean that the work stops.


I think in the land of high-hopes... that little fact is often overlooked.
 
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pinz is offline pinz Post #24  September 3,2008, 8:58am
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CoteDuRhone,244404 wrote :




In other words, the ring is a get out of jail free card in case you screw up in the relationship.
No, that's not what I said or suggested at all.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #25  September 3,2008, 8:59am
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Digital,244415 wrote :

littlebluemonkeymind,244403 wrote :


Devotion is never guaranteed. But it is also not a commodity to be bartered. Or rather, if it is, you can bet that someone else may offer a better price for it somewhere down the line...hardly worth the bother then, is it?


+1.
While it would be nice to think that you can finally “stop guessing” once you’ve found “the one”. The truth of the matter, is that nothing is ever certain – and just because you exchange a few words doesn’t mean that the work stops.


I think in the land of high-hopes... that little fact is often overlooked.
Which is why you should only exchange those few words with someone who's proven themselves in terms of character...


The work should never stop, but it often does, on one side or the other. We are, to some extent, an overstimulated society that can't stand to be bored (or quiet, or not aggressively entertained) formore than a minute.


We are way OT here for Bill's sincerely askedquestion.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #26  September 3,2008, 9:05am
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The goal of the endgame is to queen a pawn and checkmate the king. Anybody who tells you otherwise is talking about something different.
 
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WaterHound is offline WaterHound Post #27  September 3,2008, 9:10am
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Digital: You can stop guessing...its called asking the right questions andaccepting the answers. Those thatdo not have communication skills to dothat, or are too fearful of the truth or just like living in a fantasy are comforted bythe safety net of others being there for them when reality bites. LTRs are work. The land of high hopes is a great place to know about, but time spent doing something to get there is more important to me.
 
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Digital is offline Digital Post #28  September 3,2008, 9:22am

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littlebluemonkeymind,244434 wrote :

The work should never stop, but it often does, on one side or the other. We are, to some extent, an overstimulated society that can't stand to be bored (or quiet, or not aggressively entertained) for more than a minute.
I don't think we are that OT. This is all relevant.
 
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Digital is offline Digital Post #29  September 3,2008, 9:23am

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WaterHound,244445 wrote :

Digital: You can stop guessing...its called asking the right questions andaccepting the answers. Those thatdo not have communication skills to dothat, or are too fearful of the truth or just like living in a fantasy are comforted bythe safety net of others being there for them when reality bites. LTRs are work. The land of high hopes is a great place to know about, but time spent doing something to get there is more important to me.
I agree with you 100%.


What I was referring to is the expectations people place on a relationship as opposed to how things actually pan out. They are usually not the same.
 
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livinagin is offline livinagin Post #30  September 3,2008, 9:25am
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noseyparker,244229 wrote :

There are women who have been traumatized by marriage and freak out at the idea of being married again. They don't seem to mind LTRs. It shouldn't be hard to find one of them. I know a few of them. This thread may pull them out of the woodwork. [img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-cool.gif[/img]
Yeah, I don't think i could handle the marriage thing. But I'd be willing to take a chance on LTR w/o marriage!
 
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