Why should marriage be the endgame?


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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #111  November 26,2010, 5:52pm
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VolGal wrote :
Hey, guys who are all negative on marriage - DID ANYONE FORCE YOU AT GUNPOINT TO GET MARRIED?



I doubt that.
"Shotgun marriages" where the bride is already pregnant are probably pretty rare these days.


But the drumbeat for marriage from a female can sure get loud after a long time in an exclusive relationship.

Lots of men finally succumb.

And speaking of shopping carts, look at all those "Modern Bride" magazines at the checkout counter of the supermarkets.

Have you ever seen even ONE called "Modern Groom" or something like that? I never even saw ONE, in 62 years.

Marriage in the USA is a big business, ordinary marriage days can easily cost $50,000 dollars. How fancy you want it?

How much money do you have?

50 grand: That would buy a LOT of Mercedes Benz accessories. Matter of fact, it would buy you a lightly optioned WHOLE brand new
Mercedes Benz, if you know how to deal.

The thriving cosmetic dental, breast, tummy and other body enhancement waiting room offices in Beverly Hills and Newport Beach are full of blonde 3-4 times divorced "beauties" ready to get fixed up for their NEXT future ex husband to come along.

Time for trading up to a bigger house and a newer Mercedes..

They really know how to game men and game the system.

There is no shortage of men to attest to that.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #112  November 26,2010, 6:02pm
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VolGal;1194597[B wrote :
DID ANYONE FORCE YOU AT GUNPOINT TO GET MARRIED?[/B]



Mmm hmm.

I would say "Yes".

Under the terms of a K92 VISA, the INS was explicit -"Get married within 90 days or less, or she gets deported to Peru".



Does anything about that concept elude you
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #113  November 26,2010, 6:38pm
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winn wrote :
Wow, Jim, I'm really sorry you feel that way and that you had the kind of experience you did. It's tough to come out of that without a warped view of something that is actually very beautiful in a not so fairy tale way. Personally, if I had the chance to do it again, I'd gladly open my heart to another man, as long as he treated me as well as my first husband. And I'm not saying this with blinders on either. We had our knock down, drag out fights and were not always very kind to each other but the love stayed, no matter what and i knew we were committed to each other. Our marriage vows weren't things we just said, they were things we meant. I hope some day there will be someone who changes your mind.


j0hn8andy wrote :
You're right. It was unkind and certainly glib...beneath me and unworthy of you.

Especially in lieu of the fact that you were willing to help me with my car.

The cruelty I would plead was unintentional...my post was meant in a teasing manner, between Friends...but since I know this to be a sore spot with you...I was out of line.

It's like you say, Jim. The scathing wit and biting sarcasm do not serve me well nor do they show me in a good light.

I am sorry.

Sandy


Please read the above.two VERY different responses that were in response to my remarks on page 10.

Two sincere and kind, generous and lovely people that know me reasonably well.

They share something in common. They are both widows.

They have perforce -and regretfully, exited SUCCESSFUL marriages.

Their words above demonstrate in their own words, things that make a marriage work:

Kindness, humility, willingness to admit you might be wrong, goodness, decency, optimism, hope, the ability to love generously, work hard to make things work well without giving up, and the difference between what *FEELS" right, and what * IS * right.

And so much more ....so much more....



Widows FTW !!!!!!!

Thanks to both of you for sharing those awesome sentiments !!

You have touched my heart.


Quod Erat Demonstrandum.
 
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livinagin is offline livinagin Post #114  November 27,2010, 12:20pm
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Singlencooking wrote :
So, here is what I have read:

Women usually initiate divorces more because:

1. If a marriage is not working out that great, women have a better chance of finding a 'new husband' if they get out of the previous marriage while they are still young - this holds specially true if they are in the child bearing age group

2. Women usually get a 'settlement' amount to walk out of marriage so in management terms, they have an 'incentive' against making the marriage work. (Again I am not saying many women would walk out of the marriage because they are getting money, but the settlement amount might be a factor in the whole decision making process)
Interesting! I did know that women initiated divorce more often than men just not why that was the case. Scary when you think they are the ones that initiate the marriage to begin with.

In my case, I am fairly certain there was NO resurecting my marriage -- in fact, had I stayed another couple of months, he probably would have had me knocked off (seriously he wanted that settlement more than me lol). The divorce was just an extension of a marriage that had crashed and burned.

It will be a long, long while before I can make that type of commitment to another person. The thought that JayJay expressed is absolutely beautiful -- albeit, naive. One hopes that they have the right person when they make that commitment. But people change over the lifetime of a marriage (mine was 35 years for day one to day end).

I remind myself of this often because I know how much I have changed in the last few years on my own. And people here on the boards know what a nut case I was when I first came to town. Having healed almost all of that mess that was the end of my marriage, I just don't think I could make that commitment again.

Just as a side note, we did not rush into marriage. We were together for two years -- even living together for over a year-and-and half before we made that leap. (Whoops, forgot to add that to the 35).
 
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