There is an old saying: "Men fall in love with the woman they are attracted to, and women become more attracted to the man they are in love with" and I have to agree with that.


The traditional ways of meeting people allow you to get to know a person who might not otherwise appeal to you by looks alone. I have never dated a man that was great looking by societal standards, but I have loved several men very deeply. It is because I was able to get to know the person inside the outer package.


With internet dating, where people can say anything they want to about themselves, you have to use *some* sorting method, and looks are a pretty handy starting point. The human mind automatically categorizes those you meet into groups according to sex, race, etc. It is impossible to avoid, it happens within a split second of laying eyes on another. And it is usefull as well.


Imagine a scenario where you never saw the other person, you only communicated through email. Everything is going well, you get along great and have tons in common. You decide to meet, and find that you are utterly unattracted to the person. Physically turned off even. That does not make you a shallow person.


You may have made a lifelong friend, but you were looking for a lover and you still are. The investment in time in energy is not a waste, but it hasn't gotten you where you wanted to go and you are back at square one in the romance department.


Those who say that looks don't matter aren't being honest, either with you or with themselves. We all have a certain range of acceptabilty that another must fall within if things are going to proceed romantically. We can be friends with anyone regardless of looks, but to be romantic there is a certain basic set of requirements that must be met. To deny this is to be dishonest.