Are there any ladies out there who see past looks to find their prince charming?


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angela24 is offline angela24 Post #31  September 2,2008, 8:58am
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I always the few good man are either married or dead because the men that are left over are no good but then the good men that are married have bad women because they cheat or abusive to their husband so when they become single they just want to be alone or they go with caution with they other women who usually is the good one for them[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-laughing.gif[/img]
 
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sueann427 is offline sueann427 Post #32  September 2,2008, 10:15am
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Hi Chefdean,


I've been married twice, divorced and widowed. If looks had been my main criteria, I never would have married either man. #1 was a NCAA Division 1 baseball player who also played some minor league ball, made the Dean's list in college, extremely smart, father of my 2 sons. #2 was the love of my life for 16 years, gave me more love than I expected or deserved, treated my sons and grandsons as his own. Looks might be a deal breaker for some people but, as for me, I looked for and found more inside the person than I saw on the outside.


Don't give up, she's out there, you just haven't been lucky enough to meet her yet.
 
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dcajun44 is offline dcajun44 Post #33  September 2,2008, 10:33am
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Well, Ii think what's on the inside is way more important than how a person looks. That said, I think that each of us have to have some sort of chemistry or connection to take things to the next level if we are all being honest.


What I may find attractive may not be what some other women here find attractive and I am sure that it is the same for men.


Personally, I am hoping to find someone that I am attracted to on the outside as well as the inside. If that happens ... awesome! If not, I've had a great time anyway!
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #34  September 2,2008, 10:52am
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Here's something people seem to be missing? why are you assuming its your looks that are turning people away? In fact, why are you assuming its you at all thats turning people away.


With EH and any dating site, you have no idea whats going on on the other end of the internet. However, when you assume that the reason they are not responding is because the way you look/your job/your weight/your buck teeth/your third eye, etc, you assuming automatically that its your fault. That shows through when you write, talk or whatever. People can pick up on it, and I think women catch these signs a bit easier then men.


Also, whenever I read something that say "looking for a real relationship", or "not into games" or something along that line, I usually close them, because to me, that says that they're looking for perfection and those that fit their criteria, played them, so now they want something like that, but without the games. In other words, there's already a preconceived mold before even meeting me that I have to fit or be fitted in. Not me at all.
 
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Harrenhal is offline Harrenhal Post #35  September 2,2008, 11:00am
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James, (1) is the true conclusion. I can't tell you how differently women react to you when excess weight is lost. It makes a world of difference so obscene and disturbing that it took me MONTHS to adjust and overcome a vindictive sense of hate toward the opposite sex. Most women are --terribly-- shallow when it comes to physical apperance; when you drop down to a healthy weight, you'll see my point.


Get ready for your world to be turned upside down. You might like the sound of this, but I always found it disgusting and disturbing....
 
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Ciao_eh is offline Ciao_eh Post #36  September 2,2008, 11:36am
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Harrenhal,243155 wrote :

James, (1) is the true conclusion. I can't tell you how differently women react to you when excess weight is lost. It makes a world of difference so obscene and disturbing that it took me MONTHS to adjust and overcome a vindictive sense of hate toward the opposite sex. Most women are --terribly-- shallow when it comes to physical apperance; when you drop down to a healthy weight, you'll see my point.


Get ready for your world to be turned upside down. You might like the sound of this, but I always found it disgusting and disturbing....
Does anyone herethink men are any different than Harrenhal's note above? Our society/advertising/visual mediais structured around looks. People, men and women, buy into it at different levels regarding looks, weight, and sex appeal--but that does not mean everyone buys into it. So, those of us with depth are out there looking for the synchronycity, chemistry and spark, rather than visual razzle dazzle.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #37  September 2,2008, 11:55am
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Ciao_eh,243196 wrote :

Harrenhal,243155 wrote :


James, (1) is the true conclusion. I can't tell you how differently women react to you when excess weight is lost. It makes a world of difference so obscene and disturbing that it took me MONTHS to adjust and overcome a vindictive sense of hate toward the opposite sex. Most women are --terribly-- shallow when it comes to physical apperance; when you drop down to a healthy weight, you'll see my point.


Get ready for your world to be turned upside down. You might like the sound of this, but I always found it disgusting and disturbing....


Does anyone herethink men are any different than Harrenhal's note above? Our society/advertising/visual mediais structured around looks. People, men and women, buy into it at different levels regarding looks, weight, and sex appeal--but that does not mean everyone buys into it. So, those of us with depth are out there looking for the synchronycity, chemistry and spark, rather than visual razzle dazzle.
Yes...I expectboth manymen & women dislike the physical appearance of someone who is very much overweight. I don't consider this to be 'shallow'....just part of our inherited preferences....that do vary to a degree across people. And, as Harrenhal mentioned, it's easy to become bitter when we're not getting what we want or when the world doesn't conform to the way we'd like it to be. My advice to people who are overweight is to forget about what other people like and deal with this for reasons of your own health....butthis isgetting into another (perennial) topic.
 
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barbra is offline barbra Post #38  September 2,2008, 12:57pm
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There is an old saying: "Men fall in love with the woman they are attracted to, and women become more attracted to the man they are in love with" and I have to agree with that.


The traditional ways of meeting people allow you to get to know a person who might not otherwise appeal to you by looks alone. I have never dated a man that was great looking by societal standards, but I have loved several men very deeply. It is because I was able to get to know the person inside the outer package.


With internet dating, where people can say anything they want to about themselves, you have to use *some* sorting method, and looks are a pretty handy starting point. The human mind automatically categorizes those you meet into groups according to sex, race, etc. It is impossible to avoid, it happens within a split second of laying eyes on another. And it is usefull as well.


Imagine a scenario where you never saw the other person, you only communicated through email. Everything is going well, you get along great and have tons in common. You decide to meet, and find that you are utterly unattracted to the person. Physically turned off even. That does not make you a shallow person.


You may have made a lifelong friend, but you were looking for a lover and you still are. The investment in time in energy is not a waste, but it hasn't gotten you where you wanted to go and you are back at square one in the romance department.


Those who say that looks don't matter aren't being honest, either with you or with themselves. We all have a certain range of acceptabilty that another must fall within if things are going to proceed romantically. We can be friends with anyone regardless of looks, but to be romantic there is a certain basic set of requirements that must be met. To deny this is to be dishonest.
 
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eviered is offline eviered Post #39  September 2,2008, 1:11pm
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Could it be that on your profile here at eHarmony Advice that you list your occupation as student. I think that may be playing a role, as the womenin your age range might expect you to beinto your third decade ofyour culinary career not a student in culinary school.


I will not say that it is right of them to make this judgment but this may be playing a role.
 
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Screg is offline Screg Post #40  September 6,2008, 9:34pm
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Harrenhal,242794 wrote :

Let me offer you some hard and sobering advice.


Firstly, I would not assume God has some type of magical plan for yourself in the relationship department. Some of us, good men included, will die alone. Such is simply the nature of our sex, and is very much a product of the superficial and perverse culture that has corrupted the behavior of the large majority of women in the United States. It would not be wise to trust in faith and prayer; any success (or failure) is a direct consequence of your own will and effort.


Secondly, rarely. Women will rarely have the character and depth to value you for more than looks beyond a certain point. Many women will dispute this claim, but from my experience (as someone who was once somewhat obese but now looks quite good) women treat you COMPLETELY different depending on how you look.


We live in sick and disgusting times. I wish you the best of luck.
I guess someone hated High School. Honestly, I believe in the equality of the sexes. To say that one over the otherhas more of a preferance for appearance is a sad judge of human life. I'd also say it's easier for a man who has weight on him to get a female (take any tv show referance that you want i.e. King of Queens ect) than it is for a female to get a man who has some padding....Problem is men find crewl and often loud ways to express these opions of the horizontaly challanged....


Women just treat you different.
 
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