OK, what gives, why ask to reconsider and then never progress


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zeb431 is offline zeb431 Post #1  August 29,2008, 7:57am
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Looks like both are going into gifted programs. ;-)

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third woman I closed, who asked I reconsider, did, and then never heard from them again. even after I winked to remind them they were back on the menu.


what kind of mind game is this?
 
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flocondeneige is offline flocondeneige Post #2  August 29,2008, 8:07am
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is striking out

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I've had this happen to me on a few occasions to, with men, though, obviously No idea! I think some people just like the idea that they "got the last word" or somehow thrive on controlling the outcome of situations. They can't take being closed/dumped but are okay with it if they do it themselves. Hhmm...makes me glad I never really progressed further with people like that anyway.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #3  August 29,2008, 8:11am
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Your instinct to close them in the first place was the right one. Trust your instincts they are usually right.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #4  August 29,2008, 8:12am
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I have no idea. I had an OC guy, we'd exchanged several e-mails and talked on the phone once, traded phone numbers. He went off on a job and I didn't hear from him for a week. I e-mailed and said...what's up, have you met someone or just busy. I don't want to close if you're still interested in communicating. Got a response back that he was definitely interested, just swamped, asked for patience. I thought it fishy but figured there was no harm in letting him sit in my inbox. Three weeks later with no contact whatever he closed me for "no chemistry." Go figure.


I think people just don't know what they want, for the most part.
 
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #5  August 29,2008, 8:16am
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flocondeneige,237900 wrote :

I've had this happen to me on a few occasions to, with men, though, obviously No idea! I think some people just like the idea that they "got the last word" or somehow thrive on controlling the outcome of situations. They can't take being closed/dumped but are okay with it if they do it themselves. Hhmm...makes me glad I never really progressed further with people like that anyway.
I don't think thats it...


If they needed the last word, or wanted to control the outcome, they would have turned around and "Closed" you, after you reconsidered and Reopened them. *THAT* would be spiteful, and kind of funny too. =)


I really can't think of a reason for why people ask to be Reopened, and then just sit there without communicating again...


I had 1 match do that to me as well, and I did find it strange. I eventually just reClosed the match again.


I only have a couple thoughts about why:


1) Their subscription literally ran out that day they sent the Reopen Request, but by the time I got around to doing the Reopen, her subscription ran out. (This was before the IceBreakers were added)


2) EH has a bug in the Reopen area, where perhaps we did a Reopen, but somehow they either don't get the message we did, or maybe there is a bug where they simply can't respond...
 
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #6  August 29,2008, 8:19am
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littlebluemonkeymind,237912 wrote :

I have no idea. I had an OC guy, we'd exchanged several e-mails and talked on the phone once, traded phone numbers. He went off on a job and I didn't hear from him for a week. I e-mailed and said...what's up, have you met someone or just busy. I don't want to close if you're still interested in communicating. Got a response back that he was definitely interested, just swamped, asked for patience. I thought it fishy but figured there was no harm in letting him sit in my inbox. Three weeks later with no contact whatever he closed me for "no chemistry." Go figure.


I think people just don't know what they want, for the most part.
Your situation is a bit easier to explain...


The odds are, he was juggling another match, and wanted a bit more time to decide one way or another. The fact that he Closed you later, probably confirms that.


The situation thats just weird, is when they request a Reopen, (meaning, they REALLY do want to talk, and aren't just juggling), and then when we do the Reopen, they never communicate back.
 
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marthak is offline marthak Post #7  August 29,2008, 8:20am
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I got that often while I was a paying member, only once I clicked reopen, they closed the match. Sort of like a game of gotcha.


It could just be a bruised ego reacting to strong statements in your profile. Anyone who has been on this forum for the past month knows how sensitive certain physical issues are with women. The reconsider request is likely just another way of saying "you made a quick judgment and didn't get to know the real me."I think they are less interested in pursuingcommunication thanhavingthe last word.robv_la is right, go withyour first instinct.
 
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CoteDuRhone is offline CoteDuRhone Post #8  August 29,2008, 8:21am

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Why do people care so much if they are closed?
 
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ScottK is offline ScottK Post #9  August 29,2008, 8:26am
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CoteDuRhone,237927 wrote :

Why do people care so much if they are closed?
Because its fascinating!


Surely you have pondered once and awhile about why said Match Closed you, based on a 1 page Profile, where it SEEMED to you that both of you had a LOT in common?


I mean, there are some that are obvious. I have a cat, and she is allergic. Or I am 5'8, and she is 6'2, of course she is going to Close.


But what about the ones that seem to match so well? Aren't you at all interested in what they saw that you didn't?


Thats why I wish there was a free-form Close response... It would be interesting to ASK on the non-obvious ones why they Closed.
 
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CoteDuRhone is offline CoteDuRhone Post #10  August 29,2008, 8:32am

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ScottK,237935 wrote :

CoteDuRhone,237927 wrote :


Why do people care so much if they are closed?


Because its fascinating!


Surely you have pondered once and awhile about why said Match Closed you, based on a 1 page Profile, where it SEEMED to you that both of you had a LOT in common?


I mean, there are some that are obvious. I have a cat, and she is allergic. Or I am 5'8, and she is 6'2, of course she is going to Close.


But what about the ones that seem to match so well? Aren't you at all interested in what they saw that you didn't?


Thats why I wish there was a free-form Close response... It would be interesting to ASK on the non-obvious ones why they Closed.

Nope, I have never pondered. What good would that do to me?
 
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