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Emme Emme is offline
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TexasCarGuy wrote :

Back to the question, single life can be hard, especially as someone with some mileage -- like me! I don't want to make a mistake and because of that I won't "just go out" or go to bars or whatever -- anyway, it is hard like I did at 20. I think the best advice is [and I heard it here, can't remember who said it, sorry]to talk to every (in his case) woman who he thought looked nice -- every one. I have taken that to heart and it is surprising how nice it is to have a little visit on the elevator or wherever, even if I never see them again. Anyway, that has helped my attitude and as others have said, I try to lower expectations, my idea with e harmony is to visit with women and I am - now if I said that my expectation was to meet my soul mate, whatever that means, then I would be disappointed, but as it is, I am happy to visit and meet some nice and interestingwomen and I am. I am not having many dates and that is partly my doing (see above on being careful after bad choice before...) but I am a-ok with that. Hope that helps!
Thanks TCG. But if I talk to any more people in check out lines, or on elevators, or while waiing for the train, etc, I'm going to be committed. Or completely avoided as the crazy person. I talk and chat with everybody. And on eH, I meet almost every guy who wants to meet me. Once or twice I deferred meeting someone because I had just met someone else and wanted to see where that would lead, but that's the only reason why. I'm not particular about the physical parts of the guy. I'm willing to date several times to see if chemistry develops. I know that what I'm looking for might live in a body I wouldn't ordinarily look at. I'm fine with that. I'm at the point now that if it's meant to me I just have to trust that it will happen. Sometimes I just get disapointed with things. It passes. But sometimes it's nice to hear that others share the struggle, you know?
- August 22nd, 2008, 09:28 am
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FruitaBu FruitaBu is offline
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This is so strange. I posted in this thread earlier and now my post is gone.
- August 22nd, 2008, 09:39 am
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Jacquesne Jacquesne is offline
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Oh, about the "can't find a relationship because I'm not in one" maybe I can explain that a bit. It doesn't mean you have to actually BE in another relationship. It means you have to close to guys. It's the preselection thing; it's actually stronger in women than men, but I assume it works both ways. Basically, the idea is that when someone sees you with other people of their sex, and those people appear attracted to you, they become attracted to you. If I was more cynical I would say that it's because women are murderously competitive with each other, but it's actually more simple than that. Basically, it's a group mentality; if others find an individual attractive then there must be traits that make them attractive, right? BOOM! Attraction is formed.


There's a lot of other stuff that goes into this, of course, but that's the basic idea. Less, uh, moral people often use this technique to help pick up women in bars; they bring along a female friend (or a couple if they can) and basically ask them to pretend like they're into you. This makes other women in the bar more attracted to you. It's weird, but I've seen it work. Ironically, this does work for the friends too; guys in the bar tend to be more attracted to them for pretty much the same reason.


In other words, bringing along some male friends yet still demonstrating your available can't hurt. Not just to bars, but other places you are trying to meet guys.


Good luck!
- August 22nd, 2008, 09:56 am
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JHerndon JHerndon is offline
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abbeyroad28 wrote :

JHerndon wrote :


Collegemom wrote :


JHerndon wrote :


The most amusing part is, if you go back and read the first page nobody actually offers any advice except zeb and he basically just said to forget about it and it'll happen. The reality is that sometimes you need to change something. The first thing that needs to change in any situation if you are failing is attitude. I see though that Emme's friends would rather just share a bad attitude and leave their friend in the mud than deal with the straight facts that she was just whining today and as she said in the first page "just wanted to give up and become a hermit." Yet when I point out that she'd better get up and get to work on changing some things and moving forward you all get hurt over it because your precious friend is "being attacked." I respect you for that, but seriously. Friends that commiscerate with someone who is feeling down are being bad friends. Giving people positive reinforcement when they are in a state of self pity is the worst friggin thing you can do. Keep on keeping on though, I am amused by the way you are reinforcing this behavior.


So what is your problem? Everything you have said has been negative. Not impressed with your attitude. Maybe you need to change something about yourself! Does not sound like to me that Emme was whining. She was expressing her feelings and inquiring if anyone else maybe had similar feelings. That is not whining. Do you have a license or certification that gives you the right to analyze what anyone says or how they feel?? Didn't think so!! Maybe you should step back and take a look at yourself. I have always heard that people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.


Whine: 2.to snivel or complain in a peevish, self-pitying way



If you don't think she was whining by the end of the first page of exchanges you lack an understanding of the english language or just simply refuse to see a spade for a spade. My attitude isn't negative. You mistake disposition for a chosen reaction to a set of circumstances. To put it another way. I got harsh after her friends jumped in and starting berating me. For one thing if you go back and read my original 2 posts BEFORE I got attacked the only thing I actually directed at anyone was a positive comment to Fruitabu about the effects of being in a relationship on attracting people to you who saw your happiness and my second post wasn't directed at Emme either. My second post was directed at the general attitude of the thread up to that point as a whole. Once I was attacked I reacted harshly as is my right to choose to do when I am being attacked. It's not my fault you lack a concept of taking this whole situation in and considering it from that perspective. I'm not saying I'm a victim one bit, I chose to react harshly and cut on some folks after they gave me guff. I'm okay with that.


You want to talk about an attitude that sucks, all you've done is attack me. Time to get down off your high horse. Good job using an analogy that describes you to a T. I don't pretend to be nice or to be the best in any of these areas, I just state the truth and I will attack back at those who attack me, make no mistake about it. At least I don't suppose that I'm squeaky clean like you.


You're mistaken. You're the ONLY one who has done any attacking.
You lack reading comprehension. Read the the response to my response that you quoted.
- August 22nd, 2008, 10:05 am
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betterdays betterdays is offline
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Jacquesne wrote :

If I was more cynical I would say that it's because women are murderously competitive with each other
I think you are onto something here
- August 22nd, 2008, 10:26 am
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lifeztooshrt lifeztooshrt is offline
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Emme wrote :

TexasCarGuy wrote :


Back to the question, single life can be hard, especially as someone with some mileage -- like me! I don't want to make a mistake and because of that I won't "just go out" or go to bars or whatever -- anyway, it is hard like I did at 20. I think the best advice is [and I heard it here, can't remember who said it, sorry]to talk to every (in his case) woman who he thought looked nice -- every one. I have taken that to heart and it is surprising how nice it is to have a little visit on the elevator or wherever, even if I never see them again. Anyway, that has helped my attitude and as others have said, I try to lower expectations, my idea with e harmony is to visit with women and I am - now if I said that my expectation was to meet my soul mate, whatever that means, then I would be disappointed, but as it is, I am happy to visit and meet some nice and interestingwomen and I am. I am not having many dates and that is partly my doing (see above on being careful after bad choice before...) but I am a-ok with that. Hope that helps!


Thanks TCG. But if I talk to any more people in check out lines, or on elevators, or while waiing for the train, etc, I'm going to be committed. Or completely avoided as the crazy person. I talk and chat with everybody. And on eH, I meet almost every guy who wants to meet me. Once or twice I deferred meeting someone because I had just met someone else and wanted to see where that would lead, but that's the only reason why. I'm not particular about the physical parts of the guy. I'm willing to date several times to see if chemistry develops. I know that what I'm looking for might live in a body I wouldn't ordinarily look at. I'm fine with that. I'm at the point now that if it's meant to me I just have to trust that it will happen. Sometimes I just get disapointed with things. It passes. But sometimes it's nice to hear that others share the struggle, you know?
LOL! I with you sister! I am the crazy ladywho talks to everyone too. Thank you for sharing your struggles - I feel the same way and it is comforting to know others are in the same boat.
- August 22nd, 2008, 10:41 am
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Cecd Cecd is offline
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FruitaBu wrote :

This is so strange. I posted in this thread earlier and now my post is gone.
That happens a lot to me...and I did not even think I was controversial...interesting...
- August 22nd, 2008, 04:15 pm
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NightengalesSong NightengalesSong is offline
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I, too, find it hard to meet people. Not that I'm glad others are having trouble, but glad to know it's not just me.





Michelle
- August 22nd, 2008, 08:49 pm
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NightengalesSong NightengalesSong is offline
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I, too, find it hard to meet people. Not that I'm glad others are having trouble, but glad to know it's not just me.





Michelle
- August 22nd, 2008, 08:49 pm
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istillbelieve istillbelieve is offline
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don't do the hermit thing, it doesn't work either. more than 4 years for me since the devastaing big D. we all go through our stages differently. sounds like you are smart enough to recognize it and allow yourself to experience the process before letting go. there are so many good people out there (of both genders). it is hard for us men to hold on to what we know to be true also. at some point we have not healed enough, life's circumstances are not right, the other person may not be ready (even if they thought they were), core values do not align...keep believing the day will come when it will all "click". AND IT WILL.
- August 22nd, 2008, 09:11 pm
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