Does a Memorial Service count as a date?


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firenrain is offline firenrain Post #1  August 19,2008, 7:59pm
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I know this sounds a bit nutty, but I'm really not sure.I have mentioned in a previous thread, that I have been trying to avoid going out with a client of mine and he'sbeen trying to break me down. So far, I've been able to keep it professional, but his uncle died last week and he asked me to sit with him at the funeral. I wanted to be supportive of him (he was very close to his uncle), but I didn't think I would feel comfortable around his relatives that I didn't know, when they would be offering their condolances, etc. I told him that if I did attend the service, that I would prefer not to sit with him on the front row with the rest of the family. I felt really bad about it, but I just wasn't comfortable with it. His uncle was a big wig in the music industry and there was a special tribute for him, and lots of really well-known musicians, that I personally love, were going to be singing and paying their respects. He wanted me to go with him and hang out for the evening. Again, I was hesitant and told him I would meet him there instead. Well I did a terrible thing and didn't go.He calledme about anhour after it started and asked if I was coming, that he was wanting to introduce me to everyone, etc. As much as I wanted to, I just felt like it was crossing the line of professionalism and now I that in not going, I also crossed the line of decency (I just stood him up and I've never done that in my life!). I feel just awful about it, but I didn't want to lead him into thinking that I wanted us to be anything more than we are. So my question is, would that have been considered a date? It felt like it was going to be.
 
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Kate4835 is offline Kate4835 Post #2  August 19,2008, 8:02pm
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I don't think so...
 
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TwoMinuteTommy is offline TwoMinuteTommy Post #3  August 19,2008, 8:03pm

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No, unless you're into that sort of thing.
 
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graceventually is offline graceventually Post #4  August 19,2008, 8:09pm
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He was going to introduce you to his family at a very important family occasion?! Heck yes, that was a date! I do think it would have been better to simply tell him you weren't coming. You didn't want to set him up to think that he would have your company (and support) at a difficult time, and then withdraw it. But if you don't wish for him to expect your support in the future, then no, you shouldn't have gone.


Frankly, the fact that he asked you makes me a little uncomfortable. It's a bit manipulative to ask you to a family funeral when you haven't dated before, frankly; like he's assuming an intimacy that doesn't yet exist.


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firenrain is offline firenrain Post #5  August 19,2008, 8:23pm
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graceventually,223383 wrote :

He was going to introduce you to his family at a very important family occasion?! Heck yes, that was a date! I do think it would have been better to simply tell him you weren't coming. You didn't want to set him up to think that he would have your company (and support) at a difficult time, and then withdraw it. But if you don't wish for him to expect your support in the future, then no, you shouldn't have gone.


Frankly, the fact that he asked you makes me a little uncomfortable. It's a bit manipulative to ask you to a family funeral when you haven't dated before, frankly; like he's assuming an intimacy that doesn't yet exist.


.
That's sort of whatI was thinking. I've known him professionally for a long time, so there is some sort of closeness based on the conversations we have had over time, but we've never dated, so I was feeling uncomfortable about the family thing. I did meet his aunt when I stopped by his house to offer my condolances when I first heard about it, and she was crying (as to be expected), yet was acting as if I was his girlfriend, so I wonder what he might have told her. I didn't call him to tell him I wasn't going to the Memorial before it started, because I was wrestling with it right up until it actually started. He just told me about it a few hours before the service and I had my kids and needed to get them dinner, it was a school night, etc. I've spoken with him since then and appologized about it all, and he is still scheduled to meet with me next week, so we'll just see how this all plays out.
 
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jsbach is offline jsbach Post #6  August 19,2008, 8:58pm
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firenrain,223425 wrote :

graceventually,223383 wrote :


He was going to introduce you to his family at a very important family occasion?! Heck yes, that was a date! I do think it would have been better to simply tell him you weren't coming. You didn't want to set him up to think that he would have your company (and support) at a difficult time, and then withdraw it. But if you don't wish for him to expect your support in the future, then no, you shouldn't have gone.


Frankly, the fact that he asked you makes me a little uncomfortable. It's a bit manipulative to ask you to a family funeral when you haven't dated before, frankly; like he's assuming an intimacy that doesn't yet exist.


.


That's sort of whatI was thinking. I've known him professionally for a long time, so there is some sort of closeness based on the conversations we have had over time, but we've never dated, so I was feeling uncomfortable about the family thing. I did meet his aunt when I stopped by his house to offer my condolances when I first heard about it, and she was crying (as to be expected), yet was acting as if I was his girlfriend, so I wonder what he might have told her. I didn't call him to tell him I wasn't going to the Memorial before it started, because I was wrestling with it right up until it actually started. He just told me about it a few hours before the service and I had my kids and needed to get them dinner, it was a school night, etc. I've spoken with him since then and appologized about it all, and he is still scheduled to meet with me next week, so we'll just see how this all plays out.
This guy is something else. He uses his uncle's death as a way to bring you closer to him. This is disrespectful to you and especially disrespectful to the memory of his uncle. What kind of personwould do this sort of thing?
 
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Kate4835 is offline Kate4835 Post #7  August 19,2008, 9:00pm
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jsbach,223505 wrote :

firenrain,223425 wrote :


graceventually,223383 wrote :


He was going to introduce you to his family at a very important family occasion?! Heck yes, that was a date! I do think it would have been better to simply tell him you weren't coming. You didn't want to set him up to think that he would have your company (and support) at a difficult time, and then withdraw it. But if you don't wish for him to expect your support in the future, then no, you shouldn't have gone.


Frankly, the fact that he asked you makes me a little uncomfortable. It's a bit manipulative to ask you to a family funeral when you haven't dated before, frankly; like he's assuming an intimacy that doesn't yet exist.


.


That's sort of what I was thinking. I've known him professionally for a long time, so there is some sort of closeness based on the conversations we have had over time, but we've never dated, so I was feeling uncomfortable about the family thing. I did meet his aunt when I stopped by his house to offer my condolances when I first heard about it, and she was crying (as to be expected), yet was acting as if I was his girlfriend, so I wonder what he might have told her. I didn't call him to tell him I wasn't going to the Memorial before it started, because I was wrestling with it right up until it actually started. He just told me about it a few hours before the service and I had my kids and needed to get them dinner, it was a school night, etc. I've spoken with him since then and appologized about it all, and he is still scheduled to meet with me next week, so we'll just see how this all plays out.


This guy is something else. He uses his uncle's death as a way to bring you closer to him. This is disrespectful to you and especially disrespectful to the memory of his uncle. What kind of person would do this sort of thing?
Who knows?
 
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firenrain is offline firenrain Post #8  August 19,2008, 9:27pm
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Kate4835,223509 wrote :

This guy is something else. He uses his uncle's death as a way to bring you closer to him. This is disrespectful to you and especially disrespectful to the memory of his uncle. What kind of person would do this sort of thing?


Who knows?[/quote]

Well, he doesn't seem to want to take "no" for an answer and I don't want to lose him as a client, so I won't just stop communicating with him. He's a professional athlete and is pretty conceited. When he's alone and doesn't have a brood of girls chasing after him, he's really got a lot more to him, but when he's "on" he's not so much fun to be around.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #9  August 19,2008, 9:33pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Sounds like the Will Ferrell character in the 'Wedding Crashers' movie.
 
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Kate4835 is offline Kate4835 Post #10  August 19,2008, 9:39pm
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firenrain,223547 wrote :

Kate4835,223509 wrote :


This guy is something else. He uses his uncle's death as a way to bring you closer to him. This is disrespectful to you and especially disrespectful to the memory of his uncle. What kind of person would do this sort of thing?


Who knows?


Well, he doesn't seem to want to take "no" for an answer and I don't want to lose him as a client, so I won't just stop communicating with him. He's a professional athlete and is pretty conceited. When he's alone and doesn't have a brood of girls chasing after him, he's really got a lot more to him, but when he's "on" he's not so much fun to be around.[/quote]

Then I would keep him as a client. Otherwise, I don't know. I do know that I don't care for conceited people.
 
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