How to handle a common first-date problem - she's much heavier in person


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ashtonyvonne08 is offline ashtonyvonne08 Post #351  April 9,2008, 5:25pm
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is at home.

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I am a big beautiful woman and I also have a hard time finding men because of my weight. And I understand where she's comming from. But I also understand where you're comming from. She SHOULD have a body picture of herself, I have several on mine. She did lead you on and in the end she will get hurt (it's happened to me, so I've learned to show the good, AND the bad pictures) All I recommend is that if you really and truely care about her, then you'll accept her for who she is, and not her weight. Just a suggestion. *lol*

Ashton
 
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fledermaus is offline fledermaus Post #352  April 20,2008, 7:54pm
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I think many of the wiser posters nailed it on the head: we are all attracted to different things. It's inevitable, and there is no crime in that. Where maturity comes in, however, is how we deal with an initial lack of physical attraction, *and* whether we can be mature enough to see past at least some of our turn-offs some of the time to some extent, in order to see a bigger picture of hte person behind the weird teeth or that bad shoes or the height or weight issues.

In my case, my last relationship was with someone much older than me. When I saw pictures of him younger (which, by most people's standards should be by definition 'better looking'), I told him if I had met him like that I would never have dated him, let alone fallen in love with him. He had a positively terrifying moustache, and I would have taken one look at that lip-gerbil and run for the hills (or at least the suburbs; after all, I was wearing heels). Of course, had I got to know him first in some context preclusive of any dating possibilities, then I probably would have come to love him as a friend and seen only him, and not the ferocious nutria poised to devour his lip...

But again, pictures aren't reality. I dont look pocket-sized in photos. ANd I also look less pretty in real life than I do in pictures. Both sides need to be upfront with the information and the questions when there are deal breakers about physical appearance. Otherwise you've both wasted a bunch of time. A potential (or actual, but by then he'd be warned) date has every right to tell me he can't date a girl a foot and a half shorter than him, and I have every right in return to think it's petty and superficial. But on the other hand, if he shows up for that let-down date looking like Tom Selleck in 1984, well, I'm going to be relieved, not indignant...
 
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calikit is offline calikit Post #353  August 30,2008, 8:06pm
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I am not skinny and I am not fat.Iam not beautiful nd I am not ugly. I amaverage. What kills me is that men list they want to date an aveage female. But what I experience is that men state they are looking for an average female but are really looking for the Barbie doll which is ok but at least be honest about it.


Also men.... do not ask when going into a private conversation when will there be sex.That's a turn off. I am looking for a long term relationship; not a fling. Things will happen naturally when the time is right.
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #354  June 9,2009, 10:57am
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Nobody likes the bait and switch.Some men like full figured women, they even have dating sites just for that. It not shallow Hal stuff at work here, it's deception that turns a guy off. Be yourself get a flattering ,recent photo up and the guys who respond to you will sincerely be interested, rather than setting your self up for rejection.
 
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timeless2 is offline timeless2 Post #355  June 9,2009, 11:16am
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wants you to have a Hippo Gnu Eel!

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[quote=fledermaus;77058]I think many of the wiser posters nailed it on the head: we are all attracted to different things. It's inevitable, and there is no crime in that. Where maturity comes in, however, is how we deal with an initial lack of physical attraction, *and* whether we can be mature enough to see past at least some of our turn-offs some of the time to some extent, in order to see a bigger picture of hte person behind the weird teeth or that bad shoes or the height or weight issues.

In my case, my last relationship was with someone much older than me. When I saw pictures of him younger (which, by most people's standards should be by definition 'better looking'), I told him if I had met him like that I would never have dated him, let alone fallen in love with him. He had a positively terrifying moustache, and I would have taken one look at that lip-gerbil and run for the hills (or at least the suburbs; after all, I was wearing heels). Of course, had I got to know him first in some context preclusive of any dating possibilities, then I probably would have come to love him as a friend and seen only him, and not the ferocious nutria poised to devour his lip...

But again, pictures aren't reality. I dont look pocket-sized in photos. ANd I also look less pretty in real life than I do in pictures. Both sides need to be upfront with the information and the questions when there are deal breakers about physical appearance. Otherwise you've both wasted a bunch of time. A potential (or actual, but by then he'd be warned) date has every right to tell me he can't date a girl a foot and a half shorter than him, and I have every right in return to think it's petty and superficial.
Yikes! IMHO- It actually takes time to really see if the two of you can communicate well. Until then- 'love is an angel disguised as lust' - Patti Smith
 
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bonopeart is offline bonopeart Post #356  June 9,2009, 2:30pm
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Okay, FIRST OFF, as a guy, coming up to 40 years old this year, who is 5'10", 260lbs, I have a large bone structure and build, lots of muscle, but know that I need to lose 40-60 lb's minimum. But, I carry my weight well, and don't have a huge gut. But what really irritates me, is all of the criticism heaped on women who are heavier, and just because of that, are considered "unattractive". That is BULL! I've dated a few plus-sized women, women who where so beautiful, and I loved them dearly. Our relationships lasted in the 2-3 year range. And this was when I was much skinnier, at about 180lbs. It wasn't because I found ALL plus-size women "attractive", but these particular women where just drop-dead gorgeous. And I am not bragging, but I've also dated models and a popular female actress.

My point is, most people here don't seem to understand it depends on the individual woman. You are too blindsided by your societal prejudices, and seem to care more about what others think then what you want! You want the "Big Prize" sleek 'model-like women' because you can show her off and can't wait to get into her pants.

Some of you really better take a good hard look at your priorities or you will be lonely for life.
 
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DanielJr82 is offline DanielJr82 Post #357  June 9,2009, 7:08pm
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Honestly, though, if you're not making any progress how about losing some weight? Change your diet in small steps and sweat more, you might see improvement in mere weeks. And don't just do it for physical appearance, your health, stamina, and confidence will improve as well.

I'm a chubby guy (and balding, double whammy) but I'm working on fixing it. Truth is... women can be as visual as guys. It goes both ways.
 
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Lindajh84 is offline Lindajh84 Post #358  June 11,2009, 7:09pm
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I was overweight in high school. Girls would talk about me behind my back and the guys? Barely looked at me. It was only when i turned 19 i lost the weight and that is when i had my first bf.

Needless to say i know who the fakes are. The ones who cant really see past the weight. They would prefer a woman whose attitude stinks but has a pretty good body. Tell me, if you two continue to talk and she loses weight and looks a million bucks, would you want to be with her then?

You cant help being shallow. Its who you are
 
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k374 is offline k374 Post #359  June 11,2009, 9:21pm
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you really cannot compare lack of height in a man to being overweight in a woman. Lack of height is purely superficial, it doesn't make a man less healthy or less capable. Weight on the other hand is the result of a poor lifestyle, a lack of discipline to take care of your own body and that is definitely not a positive trait.

Not implying that overweight women are bad people but their lifestyle would not be compatible with someone who is not overweight and is active..they just would not be able to keep up! Therefore they are not a match!
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #360  June 11,2009, 9:44pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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Since appearance is such a big issue for many people, dating sites should have not only "what do you prefer" questions but also "what will you not accept". That would save a lot of time and heartache. And for premium members, they could feature a full nude spread to really put everything out there.
 
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