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chickpea1976 chickpea1976 is offline
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look2life wrote :
malia wrote :
look2life wrote :
Yes, we all have issues as well. Just because we acknowledge ours and point out that overweight people often are in denial of theirs is not in itself demeaning, spiteful, sarcastic, or nasty. We are stating facts.
What you write here is stupid. You're stereotyping overweight people saying they're "often in denial".....that's BS...I think most overweight people KNOW they're overweight and not in denial, it's hard enough to be overweight and be working on getting healthy and then to have ignorant people that assume that we "often" have issues. Are you saying we don't know we're fat? Come On!

I can honestly say that I'm probably happier than most people, even most thin/in shape people. I have an awesome family, friends, excellent career, make great $, have a great house and am happy. I have confidence and self-esteem and am strong and independent. I'm genuinely happy with my life...which is more than many people can say. Why say that people have issues. Fat, thin, tall, short, black, white, blond, brunette.....who doesn't have issues?
When something is a fact it doesn't just go away because you consider it stereotyping. I don't think overweight people are in denial of being overweight. I think MOST fat people know they are FAT.



What they are in denial of is the reasons why they are overweight. Lack of discipline, using food for comfort, substituting food for relationships, afraid to be attractive, hurt by someone in the past. I'm sure a therapast could give a long list of reasons. There is only one reason for being overweight that should not be a red flag for being in denial of some issue and that is a medical condition or medication that causes weight gain.



By the way, this all applies to anyone severely UNDERweight as well. Or some one who covers their entire body with tatoos. Or has 50 piercings. Do I really need to go on? All these things just scream "UNRESOLVED ISSUES". You might as well wear a neon sign.



Like it or not there are a few that are in denial of being FAT. Like the 5'2" woman who listed on her profile on another dating site "A few extra lbs." and shortly before meeting her informed me that she needed to lose 150+ lbs. Never did meet, this was an outright lie and that alone was enough for me to close it right then.



Yes We all have issues. Anyone who claims they have none... Big Red Flag.



You said: I can honestly say that I'm probably happier than most people, even most thin/in shape people. I have an awesome family, friends, excellent career, make great $, have a great house and am happy. I have confidence and self-esteem and am strong and independent. I'm genuinely happy with my life...which is more than many people can say. I think you protest too much. LOL You certainly have an anger issue on this subject.
I have my entire body covered in tattoos... Are you saying that I should try to have them all removed when I resolve these (as of right now) unresolved issues???

I'm also 75 lbs overweight...the only unresolved issue is that I haven't finished losing the 150 I had to lose. I know why I was overweight...I've got it under control...but a healthy weight loss is about 1.5-2 lbs a week, so it's taken me a year to lose this. Are you saying that I should wait another year before I start dating to make sure I look good enough for you???

The truth is...I don't have a single tattoo, and I'm actually at a 'healthy' weight (although I could probably lose 10-15 pounds and get to mid-range). I'm just trying to make a point....people's circumstances change! Some issues can be resolved on the inside, but may take a really long time to (or can neverbe) resolve(d) on the outside.
- March 27th, 2008, 06:41 am
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Darksun Darksun is offline
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cp30 wrote :
Buggie wrote :
I've read a few woman saying that "if a man can't accept a woman as she is, she's too good for him" in reference to her needing to loose weight. Honestly, as a woman who is 5'6" and weighs 155, I have no problem with a man saying that. why? because many women are overweight because they eat for emotional reasons or they don't exercise. Women who are severely overweight neglect wisdom. There are so many benefits to being healthy that all of america needs a kick in their big butt. If a man doesn't want to date a woman that's huge... in essence he's saying he doesn't want to date someone who is unwise, lazy, and an emotional eater. take it or eat it.
See though....while you sound perfectly healthy and comfortable at 5'6'' and 155.....many men would hear that weight and think you were way overweight. I know you are not cause I am about the same. But if you were to just list that as your height and weight.....some men might think you are huge and lazy.
Actually, I've heard that what most men like is heavier than what most women think men like. the 88lbs at 5'6" sounds gross to me. Way too thin. I dated a girl that was 155 at 5'5 (most of it was muscle so it weighed more) & she was beautiful!
- March 27th, 2008, 01:55 pm
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achatblanc achatblanc is offline
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I have yet to have my date show up significantly heavier or older looking, but I have had them show up shorter than listed. If you deceive someone before they even meet you in person than how is that person ever really going to feel they can trust you?
It may be hard to relay disappointment in person...but do them a favor and discuss with them the discrepancy (ies) from in person-photo. I know the elephant in the room...but really why not put it out there?
Don't lie people! Come on-dating can be hard enough without setting yourself and your date up to be disappointed.*
- March 31st, 2008, 10:39 pm
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indigirl1975 indigirl1975 is offline
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mws1967 wrote :
I recieved a match where at the bottom of the photo it says 1994.
That is so funny.....
- April 1st, 2008, 09:21 am
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indigirl1975 indigirl1975 is offline
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robert2008 wrote :
cp30 wrote :

I have trouble with this one because a lot of this is subjective....is she really 200 pounds? Did she really lie? Or did you just imagine her smaller and thinner and when you saw her she didn't match your fantasy?

[...]

I do have a friend who is very overweight and (more than 200 pounds) and also is less than up front about this, I know it does happen.

[...]

Anyway, I have a few full length pictures up....and to be honest I really hate that I have to.
You raise some good issues. I guess 200 because I know what 170 - 180 lbs / 5'4" looks like - I have a really good female friend who shares her weight with me as it changes.

Thanks for your honest anecdote about your friend who lies about her weight. It's too bad she's setting herself up for failure.

What an interesting issue that you feel somewhat forced to put up the full-body pictures. I don't... but as a male, I guess it's different, since it's the height that's usually the issue - and I put my height accurately at 5'7". In my pictures you see me from the chest up, just because -- those are the pictures of me I happen to like. And I'm "height / weight proportionate" (170 lbs / 5'7"), so I feel like my body looks how you'd expect.

And in contrast: If I *did* put up a full body picture, I think there might be something somewhat exhibitionistic. :-)
I did the same thing my friend came over and took pictures of me and we called it the "I'm not fat" pictures...she came over on Saturday and we took her "I'm not fat" pics....I think it's fair to have a full picture. About average-which I really am according to height and weight national average and I wear a size 6 or 8. However, the average SIZE a woman wears in this country is 14...so you can see that jumps up average quite a bit. If she has heard this stat and is an 18 she will consider herself pretty close to aveage size.



Bottom line: Only go out with girls that have full body pictures if it is something that bothers you. Also in your phone conversation bring up that you have had some bad experiences with photos that were not honest. Her reaction should give you some idea..if she says she can't understand why people do that then good shot she is representing herself well.



I did go on a date with a guy that was listed as about average and he was chubby...my friends dates have been with guys that say they are average and turn out to be short and chubby. I think it is just a gamble we all take from trying to meet people online



Please DO NOT tell this girl you would date her is she lost weight. I had an eating disorder for 17 years and it is amazing how one comment can make an impact. Just move on and let her find a guy that digs her as she is...
- April 1st, 2008, 09:50 am
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look2life look2life is offline
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chickpea1976 wrote :
look2life wrote :
malia wrote :
look2life wrote :
Yes, we all have issues as well. Just because we acknowledge ours and point out that overweight people often are in denial of theirs is not in itself demeaning, spiteful, sarcastic, or nasty. We are stating facts.
What you write here is stupid. You're stereotyping overweight people saying they're "often in denial".....that's BS...I think most overweight people KNOW they're overweight and not in denial, it's hard enough to be overweight and be working on getting healthy and then to have ignorant people that assume that we "often" have issues. Are you saying we don't know we're fat? Come On!

I can honestly say that I'm probably happier than most people, even most thin/in shape people. I have an awesome family, friends, excellent career, make great $, have a great house and am happy. I have confidence and self-esteem and am strong and independent. I'm genuinely happy with my life...which is more than many people can say. Why say that people have issues. Fat, thin, tall, short, black, white, blond, brunette.....who doesn't have issues?
When something is a fact it doesn't just go away because you consider it stereotyping. I don't think overweight people are in denial of being overweight. I think MOST fat people know they are FAT.



What they are in denial of is the reasons why they are overweight. Lack of discipline, using food for comfort, substituting food for relationships, afraid to be attractive, hurt by someone in the past. I'm sure a therapast could give a long list of reasons. There is only one reason for being overweight that should not be a red flag for being in denial of some issue and that is a medical condition or medication that causes weight gain.



By the way, this all applies to anyone severely UNDERweight as well. Or some one who covers their entire body with tatoos. Or has 50 piercings. Do I really need to go on? All these things just scream "UNRESOLVED ISSUES". You might as well wear a neon sign.



Like it or not there are a few that are in denial of being FAT. Like the 5'2" woman who listed on her profile on another dating site "A few extra lbs." and shortly before meeting her informed me that she needed to lose 150+ lbs. Never did meet, this was an outright lie and that alone was enough for me to close it right then.



Yes We all have issues. Anyone who claims they have none... Big Red Flag.



You said: I can honestly say that I'm probably happier than most people, even most thin/in shape people. I have an awesome family, friends, excellent career, make great $, have a great house and am happy. I have confidence and self-esteem and am strong and independent. I'm genuinely happy with my life...which is more than many people can say. I think you protest too much. LOL You certainly have an anger issue on this subject.
I have my entire body covered in tattoos... Are you saying that I should try to have them all removed when I resolve these (as of right now) unresolved issues???

I'm also 75 lbs overweight...the only unresolved issue is that I haven't finished losing the 150 I had to lose. I know why I was overweight...I've got it under control...but a healthy weight loss is about 1.5-2 lbs a week, so it's taken me a year to lose this. Are you saying that I should wait another year before I start dating to make sure I look good enough for you???

The truth is...I don't have a single tattoo, and I'm actually at a 'healthy' weight (although I could probably lose 10-15 pounds and get to mid-range). I'm just trying to make a point....people's circumstances change! Some issues can be resolved on the inside, but may take a really long time to (or can never be) resolve(d) on the outside.
Very good points. And I agree with you that people CAN change. Although the majority seem to have a great deal of trouble actually doing it.



But the fact is that decisions made while a person has "issues" may follow them for a long time or even for life. Especially such decisions as getting a large number of tattoos. You may not think it is fair but life isn't always "fair". That is REALITY.
- April 4th, 2008, 06:41 am
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sqg123 sqg123 is offline
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mws1967 wrote :
I recieved a match where at the bottom of the photo it says 1994.
1994 thats really funny.
- April 5th, 2008, 09:19 pm
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my baby loves me wrote :
robert2008, wrote :

Hi,

I've just had this problem twice in two weeks - one with a woman I met from eHarmony. When we actually meet up in person, it's clear that her pictures didn't really truthfully show what kind of (fairly poor) physical shape she was in.

In the first case, I realized belatedly that she hadn't had a 'full body' picture up. And in person, I just felt no attraction. Afterwards I handled it by sending email saying that I didn't feel the 'chemistry'.

Now in the second case, the woman was pretty interesting and attractive in person, but clearly weighed about 200 lbs. (5'6"), although on her profile she described her body type as 'average'. Regardless of anything else, 5'6" and 200 lbs is not "average". I'd like to see her again, but won't really be truly interested unless she loses weight ... I wonder if there's any way to communicate this ...

I realize this post raises lots of issues... My take-away is to only meet women in person who have a full body picture online. I don't think these women intended to deceive - I think they're probably being somewhat dishonest with themselves.
Dear Robert,

First of all, you must be a pretty shallow person and don't consider others unique and what they may have been through and if only a body matters to you, I wouldn't want you anyway, so I am happy you sent the girl away, it was best for her!

I know I am a fuller figure, but also have a fuller heart and if and when I find my mate, I am definitely sure the weight will fall off because I will be in love and I have been alone quite awhile, because I wanted to be, but that is the reason I accidentally put on this weight in the first place.

You know, you should give someone a try if they match with you in other areas, You may be passing up your true love only because of one thing.

TOO BAD, SORRY FOR YOU!
Hey now Robert is not 'shallow' just because he is honest about not being attracted to overweight women. Attraction is either there or it isn't. Its not wrong to not feel the chemistry. Is not one thing its a big thing to feel or not feel attraction.
By the way I am sure your fuller figure looks fine but your bitterness doesn't look to good on you.
- April 5th, 2008, 09:26 pm
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DetroitDon wrote :
Women in some sort of shape will always have one full length picture.
I guess I'm one of the exceptions to your rule. I'm 50, had 4 kids in 5 years, 5'8", built like a swimmer, solid and toned, wear a size 4-6 jean, watch what I eat and exercise. I have been told I have a better body than most women half my age and don't have a full length picture of me anywhere. I just don't like having my picture taken. So getting a head shot to post online was very difficult and a big step for me. Please be a little more understanding, there can be legitimate reasons for it.
- April 5th, 2008, 09:26 pm
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landd3381 landd3381 is offline
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atpeace wrote :
DetroitDon wrote :
Women in some sort of shape will always have one full length picture.
I guess I'm one of the exceptions to your rule. I'm 50, had 4 kids in 5 years, 5'8", built like a swimmer, solid and toned, wear a size 4-6 jean, watch what I eat and exercise. I have been told I have a better body than most women half my age and don't have a full length picture of me anywhere. I just don't like having my picture taken. So getting a head shot to post online was very difficult and a big step for me. Please be a little more understanding, there can be legitimate reasons for it.
Good for you, atpeace! I'm so glad you took this one on; I was really needing a break from ridding the world of ignorant generalizations!

First of all, everyone is in 'some sort of shape', but some shapes are rounder than others! Second of all, as my friend atpeace so eloquently explained, some of us girls are smokin' hot but don't care to be judged on our chest-to-waist ratio by some caveman who can't get past our physical appearance to realize that we DO have a brain in our head! There are plenty of pretty, well-built girls who don't put a full-body picture up simply because they're tired of getting attention based on their body!
- April 6th, 2008, 03:39 pm
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