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muon2 muon2 is offline
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LizziePooh, wrote :

OK, I need advice. Plus, I probably need to eat a little crow. So, I have a date with a guy that is 17 years my senior. I never thought I would consider dating someone that much older than me (I was having a hard time with only 8 years my senior). I did not meet him through eH. He was one of the groomsmen in the wedding I was just in (yes, totally cliche...I know). I have met him socially before (the first time I swear was a setup but my friend claims it was not). Always had a great time and great conversation. Plus, he makes me laugh...a lot.


At the wedding, we hit it off. My plan isnot to think about the age and just see what happens between us. But, I was wondering what you all think. I am in unchartered waters here!!
Dear Lizzie.


My late husband was also 17 and a half years my senior. We've met when I was 28 and married him one month after my 30th birthday. We were so much in love. I have to mention he was a widower with 4 children at that time. At the beginning we had a wonderful sex, something I've never experienced. We traveled, we had a good time with the children, we build a beautiful new house. Five years later, it was all over. He reached the age of 50, and wasn't interested anymore in me, in his children, sex and life. He was an excellent provider andhad a great job. On weekends all he wanted to do was drink his beer, smoke his Parliaments and watch the sports. I lived with this man for 15 long years in a totally sexless marriage, until "death do us part." (Of course, he died of lung cancer.) I know of other marriages with a big age difference where it works. My didn't. Please be aware of all the pros and cons.
- August 21st, 2008, 02:50 pm
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JonBoy JonBoy is offline
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Dear Lizzy,





Wow what a long thread but wellworth itas I broke off a dating relationship in the past because of what some said about the age difference. Much wisdom and knowledge people have responded to your question that I benefited from, thanks.





Now its my turn. It seemed from your original post you was self conscious about the matter. If the age difference makes you feel uncomfortable in publicthen it isn't a good thing at all. If he hasn't aged well and you are really attractive/hot then you may be the one in the futurewith wandering eyes and you will break his spirit.





Hula's comments are very good which I liked a lot. I feel like him in many ways too, I was carded the other day when buying a beer and I'm 45. Sometimes I see older men with a younger lady an it is quite obvious to most she really isn't into him as much as he is into her. Her mind and emotions are elsewhere and we see a man just wishing she really adored him as he does her. So sad.





The children factor others mention is so true too. Yes us older men do enjoy your company so much and just your presence makes us feel so playful, humorous, witty! The deeper respect we feel from a younger woman is very important in a lasting and happymarriage too. Dating a younger lady makes us feel so much younger and can even motivate a man more to watch his health which is a good thing too.





Zelda was so right on too. If he is sincere and is into you mentally, emotionally and spiritually then don't mislead him because it is easy to lose ones head around such a pretty lady. Do unto him as you want done to you and don't mislead him if you just want a good time and he is hoping for more which us older men do when with a younger lady. We want it to last and last forever and we are afraid someone more attractive will take you away which can only happen if you are still looking. Yes we know how ladies feel now.





I say go for it with integrity. Loved your comment about the beer in the fridge. I'm sure all of us would love to see his funny email too! I think you should share this thread with him eventually.





Also I'm in San Diego so please share the details about that hike. Would love to meet quality members on EHarmony locally. As far as Java Java and Kate goes I think it was Java's Biblical advice when it came to sex that ticked her off. I loved it and when first read it I admired what Java Java said.. I too was blasted on these boards for stating similar convictions. I took it a step further though and said even that first passionate kiss should wait till after the vows for a few important reasons.



Thinking the best for you,



Jon
- August 21st, 2008, 02:55 pm
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LizziePooh, wrote :

OK, I need advice. Plus, I probably need to eat a little crow. So, I have a date with a guy that is 17 years my senior. I never thought I would consider dating someone that much older than me (I was having a hard time with only 8 years my senior). I did not meet him through eH. He was one of the groomsmen in the wedding I was just in (yes, totally cliche...I know). I have met him socially before (the first time I swear was a setup but my friend claims it was not). Always had a great time and great conversation. Plus, he makes me laugh...a lot.


At the wedding, we hit it off. My plan isnot to think about the age and just see what happens between us. But, I was wondering what you all think. I am in unchartered waters here!!
I was married for 30+ years to a man exactly 17 yrs. my senior. And I didn't even like him much when we first met. He turned out to be my soul mate. Alas, I lost him to a stroke and I am a young widow, but I wouldn't trade one day we had together.
- August 21st, 2008, 02:57 pm
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MOTHERKNOWS MOTHERKNOWS is offline
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LizziePooh wrote :

javajava5 wrote :


Remember, God's standard is for sex after marriage only and within marriage only and He designed that with YOUR very best interests in mind to keep you from being hurt.


Oh, JJ5. This advice would have served me better if I heard it before last weekend. Does it count there was a marriage..just not ours? ....Just teasing you, JJ5.


Thanks for the advice and the go-ahead. I feel like it just got the stamp of approval!!!
Lizzie Pooh,


I was going to warn you, and you didn't wait. That is a sign of your immaturity, and of his immorality.


You don't have my seal of approval, nor, from my reading, do you have approval from JJ5. He took advantage of you. Your goals are different, or maybe you both just want to settle short of the joy of marriage. Maybe you want security, maybe he wants an "easy" woman.


Not that the older ones aren't falling for the easy solution of "living together", like the amoral teenagers that we never were. I am 73, my "Match" was 85. No way would I marry a man that old, I thought that from the start. We met on his turf. He was fit, healthy, he dined me in the best place in town, gave me gifts, and when we started writing (as we lived a State away), he sent roses every weekend. He called me a jewel, a beauty, a brilliant woman, then he said, we should be together more, will you "live with me". We argued, reasoned, I have as much money as he, and was willing to make premarital agreements, he wouldn't. He said, of the living together-, "everyone is doing it". No way, I said, and he dropped me, his jewel, without a word.


Yes, it counts that there is a real marriage. A jewel should be cherished.


- August 21st, 2008, 03:00 pm
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LizziePooh, wrote :

OK, I need advice. Plus, I probably need to eat a little crow. So, I have a date with a guy that is 17 years my senior. I never thought I would consider dating someone that much older than me (I was having a hard time with only 8 years my senior). I did not meet him through eH. He was one of the groomsmen in the wedding I was just in (yes, totally cliche...I know). I have met him socially before (the first time I swear was a setup but my friend claims it was not). Always had a great time and great conversation. Plus, he makes me laugh...a lot.


At the wedding, we hit it off. My plan isnot to think about the age and just see what happens between us. But, I was wondering what you all think. I am in unchartered waters here!!
Well, I'm 70 and my EHcut off is 53 years old, so thats 17 years difference. Now, I have to tell you, thats at the limit for me onage difference. However, it really depends on yours and his sex quotient. What you need to assertain is, does he still have his prostrate gland, ie. no problems down there. I would recommend a 3 day trial, if he can satisfy you, and more importantly, you him, then I would consider it a potentialgo, however if you do not feel totally satisfied, I would be truthful and, not lead him on any longer. Go for it girl friend, nothing ventured, nothing gained. By the way, I'm a Nurse and kind of aware of the age related sexual problems. Good luck, Honny, and do not eat that crow before a real trial, you may be plesently suprised.
- August 21st, 2008, 03:15 pm
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LizziePooh, wrote :

OK, I need advice. Plus, I probably need to eat a little crow. So, I have a date with a guy that is 17 years my senior. I never thought I would consider dating someone that much older than me (I was having a hard time with only 8 years my senior). I did not meet him through eH. He was one of the groomsmen in the wedding I was just in (yes, totally cliche...I know). I have met him socially before (the first time I swear was a setup but my friend claims it was not). Always had a great time and great conversation. Plus, he makes me laugh...a lot.


At the wedding, we hit it off. My plan isnot to think about the age and just see what happens between us. But, I was wondering what you all think. I am in unchartered waters here!!
It may not be a problem now, but when he's older and you are in your sexual prime, it might be.
- August 21st, 2008, 03:22 pm
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LizziePooh, wrote :

OK, I need advice. Plus, I probably need to eat a little crow. So, I have a date with a guy that is 17 years my senior. I never thought I would consider dating someone that much older than me (I was having a hard time with only 8 years my senior). I did not meet him through eH. He was one of the groomsmen in the wedding I was just in (yes, totally cliche...I know). I have met him socially before (the first time I swear was a setup but my friend claims it was not). Always had a great time and great conversation. Plus, he makes me laugh...a lot.


At the wedding, we hit it off. My plan isnot to think about the age and just see what happens between us. But, I was wondering what you all think. I am in unchartered waters here!!
Dearest " Lizzie Pooh ",


WOW !!!!!!!!!!


TEN pages of answers, and almost without an exception, they were positive answers !!! Many of them are very wise . As was stated earlier, if you're say 14, and you date a man 31, there is something wrong with the both of you, ( And it is against the law for a reason ). There are also reasons that every state in the country deems one a FULL adult somewhere between the ages of 18, and 21. Once one has reached the age of majority, it DOES require some moretime to get some of life's little lessons learned ; but by 25 or 30, you should have learned the major ones ( if you ever will ).


I have dated women everywhere in the age difference time line / continuum ; From much older, and much younger than myself , to just my exact age .I even dated a gal with my samebirthday ! In fact, my late wife was older than I was . Since I have not yet known the joys of child rearing, I must now only date younger women. But everyoneI have dated in my life , regardless of their ages , have been a blessing to my life . Right now, in the dating websites that I am in , that allow you to choose ages , I enter 27 to 42 . I have only known one 27 year old that was mature enough for me, and 42 is probably pushing the other end a bit if we are to have time to meet , date , fall IN love , set a date, and THEN try to start a family . But you have to startSOMEWHERE .


In chat rooms, women in their 20s and 30s seem to think anyone who is their age or older is ancient, while women in their late 40s and older just get p.o.ed at me for "diss'n" them. The only women that seem to " get it " , are the ones who , like me , waited too long to find someone to be IN love with . They only get mildly jealous of male fertility past the age of 40 or 50 , but seem to understand my want to have one or more children .


Like (almost ) everyone else, I say go for it . you're not a child, and he is not too old . Go ahead with for-thought , and have happiness . I am jealous , but happy for the both of you.


Best of luck to you dear !


Sincerely,


camper33




All in all I would rather be camping !!!
- August 21st, 2008, 03:54 pm
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How's the sex? the conversation? Do you have the sense that he cares about you? Are you on the same page financially? religiously? spiritually? do you both want/not want more kids? are you savers or spenders? do you feel accepted by each other's friends and family? do yu accept and care about his kids? does he feel good about yours? Do you share chores? Do you have similar definitions of "Fun," "Right and wrong," ... what about your other values? how do you both fare in fights ... is one always a clear winner or loser or are fights conducted fairly, seeking resolution, by both parties?


These are the issues that end relationships, not age ... age is right up there with hair and eye color and 5 lbs over or under weight.


Having said that, when he's 80, you'll be 63. You'll both need to endorse an extremely healthy lifestyle to enjoy your golden years together. How's the couple's gene pool??











- August 21st, 2008, 04:14 pm
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Shakti414 wrote :

LizziePooh, wrote :


OK, I need advice. Plus, I probably need to eat a little crow. So, I have a date with a guy that is 17 years my senior. I never thought I would consider dating someone that much older than me (I was having a hard time with only 8 years my senior). I did not meet him through eH. He was one of the groomsmen in the wedding I was just in (yes, totally cliche...I know). I have met him socially before (the first time I swear was a setup but my friend claims it was not). Always had a great time and great conversation. Plus, he makes me laugh...a lot.


At the wedding, we hit it off. My plan is not to think about the age and just see what happens between us. But, I was wondering what you all think. I am in unchartered waters here!!


It may not be a problem now, but when he's older and you are in your sexual prime, it might be.
!
- August 21st, 2008, 04:27 pm
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Hey, I was married to a man for 23 years that was 13 years older than me. He was the most incredible person that I have, or ever will, meet. He treated me and my 3 daughters like we were queens. Unfortunately he passed away 5 years ago or we would still be together. What amazed me is how much you can have in common with someone older. Just have fun and don't think so much.
- August 21st, 2008, 04:28 pm
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