2nd date, using a gift certificate


Reply
  • Page 3 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #21  August 12,2008, 1:10pm
Dafearon's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2008

Maryland

Posts: 2,181

See profile



Even if your income allows you to make this kind of purchase on a whim, you shouldn't go through with this date. It has the possibility of coming off the wrong way (purchasing affection) even if you don't intend it to. It has the possibility of setting the bar higher than you want out of the gate of a first date. If this is your first date, then what do you have to offer afterwards.


Its funny that we're having this discussion. I was talking with my ex (who I met on EH) about our first date last night. I took her to a restaurant that could easily cost between $40-$75 a person. Not as expensive as the OP's restaurant, but still a nice restaurant. We discussed the fact that even though I didn't find it to be a large expenditure on my part, it could still be viewed as daunting and unexpected for a first date. Chime in here ladies, but if a guy takes you to a fairly expensive restaurant (where the bill can top $100.00) on a first date, is it intimidating? Even though he does nothing to push or reinforce the fact that it as an expensive dinner, do you find that he might be buying your affection?


I had another date at a similar restaurant, which i had no problem paying, but now realize that she may have felt a little put off by me paying the whole thing. She did offer, but i was being the gentleman and paid the whole bill. We never saw each other again. She emailed me that she didn't think we had any chemistry, thanked me for the dinner, and closed me.
 
  Reply With Quote
dnnmllr is offline dnnmllr Post #22  August 12,2008, 1:13pm
dnnmllr's Avatar

"Steady my feet in accord with your promise, Let not iniquity lead me"...

Veteran

Joined: Feb 2008

Pennsylvania

Posts: 1,600

See profile

Mr_Right,212367 wrote :

Yeah, don't brag about how you're using a gift card, and you'll be fine. Money-wise, it all depends on how much you like this girl and how much this girl likes you. Gauge that before spending a lot on her, because no matter what, you can't use money to make her like you.
I agree.
 
  Reply With Quote
julesNtherough is offline julesNtherough Post #23  August 12,2008, 1:45pm
julesNtheroug…'s Avatar

is draggin' like an old, tired dog!

Pacesetter

Joined: Jul 2008

Somewhere in the Desert

Posts: 308

See profile



If you and your date are both in an income bracket in which spending that much on a dinner is no big deal, then go for it. If one of you is in a lower bracket, then you might want to hold off a while. As for the gift certificate, I would say to use it. If she is insulted that you usethe gift certificate, then there is a good possibility that she may be a gold-digger. If that's the case, wouldn't you prefer to know sooner than later?
 
  Reply With Quote
kiki87042 is offline kiki87042 Post #24  August 12,2008, 2:25pm
kiki87042's Avatar

Hi!!! Did you miss me?

Enthusiast

Joined: May 2008

New Mexico

Posts: 715

See profile



I agree completely. Nothing wrong with using the gift card, but that's a bit much to spend on a second date. Have you told her about the place yet? I agree that changing the plans at this point may not be a good idea either. Hmmm...rock and hard place?
 
  Reply With Quote
bravethestorm is offline bravethestorm Post #25  August 12,2008, 2:31pm
bravethestorm's Avatar

Veteran

Joined: Jul 2008

Posts: 1,260

See profile



I think if you already told her that you were going there that you should follow through but I do consider that too much to spend so early in a relationship. If you are both in the same income bracket or frame of mind on fine dining that is one thing...but I couldn't afford it myself and would feel awkward being treated so soon. It would also make me feel a guy was expecting something as well as trying to buy my affection.


The gift card wouldn't bother me...it would bother me more to see someone receive a gift card and feel it beneath them to use it. I also believe in coupons though and saving money where I can as I don't see paying full price if it is on sale.
 
  Reply With Quote
Jato87 is offline Jato87 Post #26  August 12,2008, 2:35pm
Jato87's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Jan 2008

Posts: 543

See profile



It's interesting that most posts addressed the cost level of the restaurant for a second date, even more than the use of a gift certificate. While I agree with all that's been said relative to the cost of the restaurant,I read the OP to be asking only if it might seem tacky to use the gift certificate.


Thegift certificate is the equivallent of cash, and isnotlike using areduced price coupon, which I feel is the OP's concern. Quietly offer it along with a credit card, and no one will even notice.
 
  Reply With Quote
javajava5 is offline javajava5 Post #27  August 12,2008, 2:53pm
javajava5's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Dec 2007

Posts: 3,320

See profile



Dear Michaell1999,


Your story reminds me of a man I knew who had his own business and hung around in upward social circles. He was matched with a lady who was also in the higher tier socially and on the board of a prestigious museum and had high social connections.


On their first day, he spent about $250 at a high-brow place on dinner as he wanted to impress her. On their second date, they double-dated with someone she knew, also upper class, the bill came to $600 and the two guys reached for their wallets - his share, $300.


On their third date, they went to a trendy place and he spent another $250 there. On this date, she told him she really liked sex. He was a little taken aback as he wasn't certain what to say. She continued, "I really like sex," and when he looked at her with a puzzled expression she said, "I'm bisexual."


They never saw each other again and he sure was complaining about spending $800 on her over three dates. I asked why he would spend so much money on someone he didn't even know and he said, "You know, my secretary asked me the very same thing."


He was somewhat of a social climber and she had entree into that world in a bigger way than he did.


I'm not saying by any means this is you and I wouldn't think so. Rather, I think you're thrilled with your date and you'd like to show her a good time and impress her, too, and just have a really special evening.


Michaell1999, please be advised you can do this without spending such a great deal of money on only the second date.


Now maybe you're a guy who is in upper social circles and this is quite common for you and if so, so be it.


Even if you're very wealthy and this girl is used to all the bells and whistles, it's ultimately about getting to know each other's true, authentic selves. Sometimes money gets in the way of that.


Now you haven't written if this is a very special occasion like her birthday or whatever and so we don't know why you've chosen such an expensive restaurant.


It is fine to use your gift certificate and you can fold it and place under your cash / card in the little black folder the restaurant will give you to pay the bill. Have it read before hand and with your cash / card. The lady does not need to know how you're paying: Cash, card, gift certificate, etc. It's only important that you're paying.


Consider what others have written about going to such an expensive place on a second date. Of course, if you have already told her where you're going, then that's another matter.


It does seem much more prudent to save this place for down the road after a relationship has developed and there's a special occasion.


You want her to like you for yourself, not your money, but you know that.


It's a very sweet thought you're having here, but it will be even more meaningful after you've really gotten to know each other.


Let us know what you decide and how it all goes. Keep in mind you're in the very earliest of stages here and don't have a relationship.


JavaJava5
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 3 of 3
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3


« Oh great, are we going to do dating in all of the states? | Dating | Is a PhD really a problem? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:43am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0