Teriharmony is offline Teriharmony Post #881  June 18,2010, 10:22am
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I recommend reading the book: "so your lover is a liar".  It addresses damage done when you contend with someone you trusted lying to you.  I wrote my master's thesis on the response to infidelity and that book lines up pretty well with my research.  The book covers many kinds of lies including various addictions.  It gives you clues on what to look for.  It gives advice on how to heal.  Healing it is, in some ways more devastating than when someone dies.  What could I have done differently?  The book talks about that too.  I recommend that you seek answers to those questions as they will help you heal.  My research found that the shortest amount of time that it took a person to "recover" from discovering sexual infidelity, when they had fully expected fidelity was nine months.  Many, NEVER got over it.  Remember, there are trust worthy people out there.  There are also people who would deliberately hurt us.  Then, there are people who just lose sight of what it is that truly makes them feel good and screw up.  Possibly the hardest thing is forgiving ourselves.  You can't always be eagle eyed.  We all get conned from time to time.  Good luck!  Go forward with a positive attitude and you can do it!  
 
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ModLove is offline ModLove Post #882  June 18,2010, 4:36pm
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As someone whose last partner demoted me to "Friends with Privileges", this article nailed it. Actually, though, I was the one who dumped him because I refused to settle for that. At times, I wondered if I did the right thing, if perhaps things might have worked out if only I'd given it more of a chance, and especially after learning that 8 months past our breakup, he now has a girlfriend. This article reminded me that a selfish, disrespectful partner is no prize and breaking up was the right thing to do.
 
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Sweetie10Girl is offline Sweetie10Girl Post #883  September 8,2010, 9:56pm
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Well, very interesting posts here! I guess, I have a story to tell. Last month ago, I met a man from Tucker, Georgia online via eHarmony.com and he was so wonderful person whom I've talked to for over a month. We kept talking over text messages and emails. Yesterday, I texted him for the first time and told him that he looked so handsome in his picture when he sent me an email attached with his picture. Since I texted him first, he stopped responding. I felt completely numb and I assumed that he was no longer interested in me. Oh, well - I went over to eHarmony. com and updated my profile.

I had no idea why man from Tucker, Georgia stopped responding. I thought that he could not want to be with me. So, a man from Tucker, Georgia finally responded back to me; he said that he saw my profile updated. I was puzzled and figured out why he saw my profile updated. He said that "Hope this brings you luck. Whatever it makes you so happy." I was a little bit disappointed; I explained that I thought that he stopped texting me anyhow. He finally admitted that he liked me and he was interested in me.

I had the same feelings for him; however, honestly - I have no idea how that man from Tucker, Georgia could express his true feelings. I could like to know how he felt about us but - he sounded a little bit disappointed and upset. I wish that I could help him opening up his feelings and tell me the truth. Today, I have not heard anything from him since I sent an email to him.

Right now, I guess - I let him go until he first texts me. I do not want to nag on him all the time. I am willing to respect his desire to continue in eHarmony.com and wish him very best. To me - I am continuing to seek a right mate via eHarmony.com.

Pray for him through God's will.
 
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essencial is offline essencial Post #884  January 29,2011, 10:12am
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I began GC with someone on EH like most of us do – in the midst of GCs and OCs with lots of other members. I was pretty indifferent about this particular match, but there was something about his lengthy and detailed emails that won me over. I should have known better when he emailed me five minutes before our first scheduled phone call to tell me that he wasn’t my type. I emailed him back and chewed him out, to which he replied with apologies and an explanation (a legitimate one – a recent death in the family that really affected his relationship outlook). We met for coffee and I thought it went just ok. He, on the other hand, could not stop raving about my beauty and humor and all-around greatness. And dangit, I was hooked! Now, it’s been a week and he’s poofed. I’m obviously looking for some kind of insight, reading all of these posts on the EH Advice boards on a Saturday afternoon…

I’m beginning to think that maybe I don’t want to know why he left. After all, it probably has more to do with him than me (whether he met someone else or got back with an ex or can’t handle the pressures of dating right now). I don’t want to know why a guy would forge such a connection and with and say such wonderful things just to turn around and throw me out like we had nothing. It’s hard for me to believe that he’s just playing games, but it’s certainly a possibility.

I’m trying to move on, and deep inside hope for the day that he does decide to contact me so that I can tell him I’ve moved on. But I don’t even need that.
 
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Sassafras54 is offline Sassafras54 — Advice Official Moderator Post #885  January 29,2011, 11:36am
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That's a hazard of getting into lengthy email/phone contact before meeting: it creates the sense that you have an actual relationship going. If you had not had all those emails, but just met the guy after brief online contact, and he went on and on about your beauty and overall greatness ... wouldn't you have wanted to sneak away? I would! (wouldn't do it, but I'd want to).

It's possible he was consciously playing some game. It's more likely he just hasn't learned how to create more real connections yet and he's falling back on what he hopes will work.

But who knows. As you say, you don't really need to know why he poofed.

Better luck next time! Rein in on those emails! and welcome to EHA.

P.S. Feel free to start a new thread, at any time, about anything. When you jump in on old threads like this one, you'll get less response.
 
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HighandDryinHonolulu is offline HighandDryinHonolulu Post #886  February 16,2011, 12:30am
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Reading this comments section makes me never want to get into a relationship with anyone ever again!
Last edited by HighandDryinHonolulu; February 16,2011 at 1:31am.
 
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HighandDryinHonolulu is offline HighandDryinHonolulu Post #887  February 16,2011, 12:31am
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Reading this comments section makes me never want to get into a relationship with anyone ever again!
Last edited by HighandDryinHonolulu; February 16,2011 at 12:38am.
 
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