2106Q is offline 2106Q Post #21  July 8,2007, 10:56am
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Thanks for the insight. You've confirmed what I've known for the past 2 years: That it was over way before it began.
He's only used me for sex, doing and saying little things here and there to make me want to stay. He convinced me that it was okay for him to sleep with other women, but whenever I tried to have something on the side, he would blow up and would be on the verge of breaking up with me. Whenever I drove over to see him, he would ask me to drive him around, get him something to eat, etc, but never wanted to spend time with me, unless it was in his bed. We've never been on a real date. Whenever I ask to go out him, he acts like I just told him to deliver me the moon.
He discourages me from seeing other people, and from breaking it off with him. When I told him I went out on a blind date, but how I didn't think it would work out, he actually cheered, "Yessssss! Good for me!" I quickly told him that it wasn't good for ME.
I've asked him numerous times why he insists on keeping me around. I'm looking for the L word; he says, "Because we have good times together, and when all of this is no more, we'll have something good to remember". Apparently, he knows it ended way before it started, also.
I've left him twice, the longest being 9 months. During that time, he did everything he could legally do to keep in contact with me: phone calls, text messages, emails, hacking into my profile account...And all of his actions went unanswered on my end. I somehow talked myself into believing that maybe he had changed, and wanted me to see the new him, and went back, like a fool.
A couple of months of being back together, he informs me that within a week or so, he would literlly be out on the streets, with no place to live, and still had no intention of getting a real job to support himself. The phone calls were far few in between. He never said, "I miss you" until the last week or so we were to see each other. He always made it a point, however, to say how he wanted to (explicit action here) my (insert a body part of mine here).
At this point, I'm completely numb to it all. All I know now is that he is standing in the way of me finding a real relationship where I am respected. It's him or me. And he's not going to win. I am in control of my life. I deserve better, and demand it.
....So, thanks again for the article.
 
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2109rainangel is offline 2109rainangel Post #22  July 8,2007, 11:06am
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Marilyn...sounds like your ex is either (1) a totally callous self-centered excuse for a human being or (2) he's feeling lonely and maybe a little guilty and wants to hear your voice. Don't be confused. Neither of these is a good thing. Next time he calls, tell him to ask someone else how long the chicken needs to cook and HANG UP. He doesn't deserve anything from you. You owe him NOTHING.
 
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2110Cynthia is offline 2110Cynthia Post #23  July 8,2007, 11:08am
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Wow!!! Incredibly Accurate Article! Wish I had seen this before-- because I definitely feel that it would have given me a lot of clarity on relationships that were literally "Going NO WHERE"!!!

Very well thought out....
I like the Headings--- and she is so Right!!!
These are definitely exact definitions of what happens in relationships that string out over time-- when there is absolutely NO HOPE of a commitment!

Excellent Insights! So glad that I read this-- will keep it in my files for my friends/clients who seem to be stuck in patterns with no hope of moving forward!

Thanks so much for posting this! Amazingly Accurate!!!
 
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2112John is offline 2112John Post #24  July 8,2007, 11:10am
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After reading this, it has given me a lot to think about. I am 35 and not married nor have I ever been. Never in my life have I experienced the "instant click". What few realtionships I have been in were from me knowing them for a good while before dating. The few that progressed always seemed to end the same way. It was the fact that they didn't feel like "number 1". I cannot understand this because I don't consider myself a selfish person at all (which is what the article said). It is just that my job is so demanding of me. I have 3 farms which work me very hard sometimes. I know what is expected of me to hang on to them and make a living by paying my bills, etc. Reflecting on this, I often think that wouldn't someone appreciate the fact that I am hard-working and goal oriented? Anyone would certainly be welcome to go with me on my rounds at any time and I wouldn't even put them to work! Haha. I often think that someone in this world would appreciate me for my success and that I am NOT a couch potato. How do I make someone feel that they ARE number 1? I knew that they were but for some reason they never felt it. Is it just something that comes natural to both people and at age 35 I have STILL not experienced it? I have been disgusted and have basically quit for the past couple of years. I also feel like I have been used and was only there to entertain and spend money on them and they only wanted all that they could get out of me. But then they told me they didn't feel like #1. Still trying to figure this one out. Any thoughts or comments?
 
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2114rainangel is offline 2114rainangel Post #25  July 8,2007, 11:15am
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Stephanie...you're waiting for HIM to make HIS decision? Come on. You know he's already made his decision. Move on. Forget him. When he returns, tell him it's too late. He's just going to string you along and dump you again. Avoid the pain by taking the initiative to end it yourself. You'll feel like a stronger person, and it will help you in future relationships. Trust me. I've been there. Taking control of your life instead of floating along allowing others to determine your course is liberating. You will see.
 
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2115david is offline 2115david Post #26  July 8,2007, 11:19am
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Well "Miss" Right said I was the Rebound and that her parent wouldnt accept me since i still lived at home with my folks(my mum is disabled) and don't own my own car(i use the family one).
 
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2118AlexSzentesi is offline 2118AlexSzentesi Post #27  July 8,2007, 11:26am
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Nowhere in your article is a positive outcome - a real friendship that is not a romantic relationship - mentioned even as a the possibility as a result of what might have "hot" at first. You talk about maturity yet never mention that two truly mature adults can become wonderful friends and remain so even through each other's future relationships. I think the article stinks of imaturity.

[Editor's note: This article is not about amicable, good-natured breakups--but that's definitely something to celebrate when it happens. Instead, this article specifically focuses on what happens when one partner ends a relationship (perhaps even immaturely) and the other person is curious about what happened.]
 
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2120Debbie is offline 2120Debbie Post #28  July 8,2007, 11:32am
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Talk about dumped, I have been with this man for almost 8 years. NO Clue. I should have pushed marriage, BUT I thought I was beiong kind and patient. So I Walk into his office one day and He Says " I'm engaged". I said when were you going to tell me?
Obviously he did not want to, he said I want no contact with you and threatened to call security, if I didn't leave his office. WHY was he so mad I was the loving affectionate patient kind and caring partenr for 8 years. He was a short bald-headed, fat, unpredictable difficult person. WELL what a mistake. Iam in a doctoral program BUT how can we women be so dumb when it comes to men and relationships.... He won't talk to me and has had an attorney send me a wraning letter for ex parte ( no evidence but) so He has never confrontedme about what happened, there was no closure. anyway,
Debbie
 
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2121Margaret is offline 2121Margaret Post #29  July 8,2007, 11:32am
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I broke up suddenly with a man I cared very deeply about (I was falling in love with) because I was so overwhelmed with reponsibilities that I could not give myself to him. I was a single mom of 2 teenagers at home plus my dad with alzeimers plus my own business. He lived 300 miles away so we would meet halfway and spend the day together every 2 weeks. He was semi-retired and wanted to travel or maybe relocate somewhere warm. I was at least 3 years from being able to do that (my youngest was a freshman in high school) and I was just so frustrated all the time. The times I spent with him where like islands of happiness but they made it so so so hard to go back to the crushing burdens of my daily life. I still think of him everyday. Every single day.
 
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2124Angie is offline 2124Angie Post #30  July 8,2007, 11:36am
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Good articles. All i can say is watch out for guys that are abusive and controlling. They know who to play with your heart. We have been broke up for 9 months now. I still wake in the middle of the night with nightmares and crying. Wondering how i could of been so stupid. I'm now picking up the pieces of my life and finding me again. I hope and pray that someday i do find that perfect man, but not looking for him just yet. Enjoying just being me.
 
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