Why am I freaking the guys off?


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ann_the_bold is offline ann_the_bold Post #1  August 7,2008, 11:35am
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A lot of us have seen the (quite funny) movie 'The 40-Year-Old Virgin' starring Steve Carrell. Parts of that film really resonate with me because, well...


I'm a walking anachronism by being a 30-year-old virgin. I'm just getting back into the dating scene after being out of it for several years. I was a Catholic nun and didn't date a) before b) during or c)just after the experience. I was a) prepping to enter the convent and shut out dating b) then not allowed to interact normallywith men while with the nuns and then after I left c) doing some 'me' work before I was ready to put myself back in the dating world. I don't go to church anymore, but I still pray and I still want to wait until I'm married to have sex. Is that weird--am I expecting too much?


I've been with EH for 5 months now and have been on a couple dates thru the site and with a few other guys I've been set up with. While it's been fun and a learning experience at the same time, I'm just not sure not sure what's going on. I don't advertise my lack of experience with men nor do I say what my previous occupation was. When it gets to the point in the relationship where I'm comfortable to disclose the fact I'm waiting till marriage...that pretty much kills the relationship. Calls and emails go unanswered, I say 'screw it,' and move on.


I've been blessed in a lot of ways with good health, great family/friends and a fun career. What I'm wondering is if my former life is going to always haunt me. Like I said, I don't broadcast my past, but I'm not going to lie about it or cover it up.


Any thoughts? What would your reaction be to a 30-year-old virgin ex-nun? Is that freaky? Am I doomed to spinsterhood because I made? Thanks for your insights
 
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spykedjoker is offline spykedjoker Post #2  August 7,2008, 11:49am

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While being a 30 year old virgin isn't common, it is by no means a nail in the coffin that dooms you to spinsterhood. At 30 you are still young and can go out and have many of the experiences that you missed while being in the sisterhood. While many men will immeadiately close you out because of your views, that doesn't mean you won't find someone who accepts you for who you are. Just be patient and give it time and you will start to meet people whose beliefs fall in line with yours.
 
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irishbrian is offline irishbrian Post #3  August 7,2008, 11:57am
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Uhhh...we should compare notes. If you do a little digging around the forum (in particular the Christian Singles group)...you'll see that you and I have a very similar background. Let's just say that I certainly feel your pain! I bet my war stories are as good as yours.


If you're too ADHD, unmotivatedor just plain lazy: I was in the seminary, but left shortly before Ordination.
 
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noseyparker is offline noseyparker Post #4  August 7,2008, 11:58am
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You're not such a rarity. A lady on another site got married at 46. She too was a virgin. She had never been in a convent...just chose to save herself for marriage
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #5  August 7,2008, 12:07pm
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You are definitely in the minority here. I know one person who is older than you and a virgin, she did meet a man who respected her wishes of remaining one till she's married. Its unfortunately that other factors may cause them to break up.


If we were matched up, I would not close you, but i would be very uncomfortable continuing the relationship when you would tell me your wishes and desires about waiting until marriage. This is why. You and I have a totally different value system when it comes to sex and marriage. I suspect your values on sex and marriage stems from your belief in your religon, which would also be a sore point for me. At the same time, my lack of religon and my disdain for organized religon would probably irk you more than you would let yourself believe.


The fact you are a virgin would have no bearing on whether or not I would continue to date you. The fact that you are a virgin for religious reasons, maybe a reason. My own beliefs would be in conflict with yours and that would be my reason for not continuing the relationship. But this is just me.


I hope i didn't offend with my frank remarks.
 
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siren is offline siren Post #6  August 7,2008, 12:17pm
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ann_the_bold, wrote :

A lot of us have seen the (quite funny) movie 'The 40-Year-Old Virgin' starring Steve Carrell. Parts of that film really resonate with me because, well...


I'm a walking anachronism by being a 30-year-old virgin. I'm just getting back into the dating scene after being out of it for several years. I was a Catholic nun and didn't date a) before b) during or c)just after the experience. I was a) prepping to enter the convent and shut out dating b) then not allowed to interact normallywith men while with the nuns and then after I left c) doing some 'me' work before I was ready to put myself back in the dating world. I don't go to church anymore, but I still pray and I still want to wait until I'm married to have sex. Is that weird--am I expecting too much?


I've been with EH for 5 months now and have been on a couple dates thru the site and with a few other guys I've been set up with. While it's been fun and a learning experience at the same time, I'm just not sure not sure what's going on. I don't advertise my lack of experience with men nor do I say what my previous occupation was. When it gets to the point in the relationship where I'm comfortable to disclose the fact I'm waiting till marriage...that pretty much kills the relationship. Calls and emails go unanswered, I say 'screw it,' and move on.


I've been blessed in a lot of ways with good health, great family/friends and a fun career. What I'm wondering is if my former life is going to always haunt me. Like I said, I don't broadcast my past, but I'm not going to lie about it or cover it up.


Any thoughts? What would your reaction be to a 30-year-old virgin ex-nun? Is that freaky? Am I doomed to spinsterhood because I made? Thanks for your insights
Hi-Few comments, sex is more fun the more experience u have, so don't necessarily expect rockets to go off your first time. I was "matched" with a really nice guy in Sac who stated that he practiced "Christian dating". I being rather naive, did not realize he meant, no sex til marriage. We had one great date, but obviously were not on the same page (but you and he are). so best of luck, maybe you will be matched with him! Siren
 
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NWLady is offline NWLady Post #7  August 7,2008, 1:02pm
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I must admit to having been extremely randy in my younger years. Since that didn't work for me so well, I'm trying a different tact. I want to get to know the guy really well from his head to his heart and then the parts below the belt.





I've made so many mistakes by jumping into the sack too early. I don't believe it's wrong to wait. I don't know about the marraige thing tho...once bitten, twice shy.
 
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hazmat is offline hazmat Post #8  August 7,2008, 1:40pm
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I'm not sure I want rocks thrown at my head, but i'm going to step in this anyway.


Your position makes things difficult at your age, because most people at that age have already had sex. Most probably like sex and would like to continue having sex. They have been in enough relationships to discover how important sexual intimacy is to a committed relationship. Marriage is a HUGE commitment. You can love someone with all your heart, but what if you hold out until marriage and your intimate relations are a constant source of miseryfor both of you ? That's a lot to think about for people of both sexes.


I'm not trying to convince you to have sex before marriage. Just giving you an idea how being a virgin at 30 has unique problems. I'm sure there are good men out there that would be honored that you have saved yourself. It may just take a little longer to find the right one. Best of luck.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #9  August 7,2008, 1:59pm
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It sounds like you feel strongly about no sex before marriage. What you need is someone who shares your feeling about no sex outside of marriage. So I'dsuggest being upfront about this within the first few dates. That way you end up wasting less of your time (and theirs) on seeing the wrong people.


And since most men have sex outside of marriage, you will need some patience to find some that do not.
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #10  August 24,2009, 10:04pm
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hi ann,

i just posted in your latest thread but want to add this here- in your profile i think you should be upfront about wanting to wait for marriage before consummating a relationship. then you won't have to waste time with a guy if he is freaked out about that.

just my other 2 cents...
 
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