Little Physical Attraction = Deal Breaker?

Little Physical Attraction = Deal Breaker?

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Little Physical Attraction = Deal Breaker?


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BajaSunset is offline BajaSunset Post #1  February 4,2008, 3:47am
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Although I realize that physical attraction is not high on the criteria for ensuring a successful lifelong relationship, experiencing the electrical charge of the physical chemistry is sure a wonderful feeling!!!

Thanks to eHarmony for the article titled, "Why Are We Fools for Love?" by Dr. Galen Buckwalter, now I understand how biochemicals in the brain can easily make us do crazy things when we fall head over heals for someone. It's these little neurochemicals responsible for the great feeling:[*]Androgen and Estrogen: Sex drive[*]Testosterone: Sex drive, monogamy, paternal behavior[*]Dopamine: Attraction[*]Norepinepherine and Serotonin: Well-being, reward prediction, behavioral preparedness[*]Oxytocin and Vasopressin: Attachment, anxiety reduction, orgasm, anxiety reduction[*]Enorphins: Affiliation, maternal behavior, sexual arousal, sexual award, playful behavior, anti-anxiety[/list]A healthy balance between a heart-soul conncection and a wonderful chemistry is what I'm looking for. I do think it's possible to find.
 
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eharmonyadvice is offline eharmonyadvice — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  February 4,2008, 3:47am

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You're matched with a nice person, but you're not physically attracted to them. Are you shallow? Is this a deal breaker?
 
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thecook is offline thecook Post #3  February 4,2008, 7:20am
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I dated "my best friend" for 1 1/2 years. He is an incredible man, had known him for over 10 years, and the perfect best friend of the opposite sex. Unfortunately there was no spark and I felt like I was kissing my brother (ugh). I thoroughly enjoyed his company and we had so much in common. I finally ended it and now he has found his "true love" (yeah!). I really think there needs to be some spark (unless you just want a good roommate).
 
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quietman1950 is offline quietman1950 Post #4  February 4,2008, 8:08am
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I think that chemistry and attraction is very important in a relationship. It's the spark that starts the fire. Friends are what they are, fun to be with and easy to talk too but a relationship between a man and a women is so much more. Without intimacy you are "just friends" and if there is to be intimacy you have to be physically attracted to each other. All else will flow from this. It can happen the other way around and yoiu can get to know someone first but in the end if there's no chemistry, you'll only be friends nothing more.
 
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Gina_B is offline Gina_B Post #5  February 4,2008, 10:27am
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While your partner does not need to be the hottest person alive, they HAVE to rev your engine in one way or another. I admit that I have dated some men who were far from societies standards of "extremely attractive" but I found something sexy and attractive about them. As quietman said, without that physical chemistry, you are in a relationship that is nothing but "just friends".
 
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duser123d is offline duser123d Post #6  February 4,2008, 11:01am
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Physical Attraction relies on so many factors. Not just appearance. I think it is possible to be physically attracted to someone who you find intelligent or funny, even if they aren't what most people would consider visually attractive. And on the other hand, I have found that extremely attractive people aren't always a turn-on when you get to know them better.
 
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quietman1950 is offline quietman1950 Post #7  February 4,2008, 11:21am
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Gina_B,57117 wrote :
While your partner does not need to be the hottest person alive, they HAVE to rev your engine in one way or another. I admit that I have dated some men who were far from societies standards of "extremely attractive" but I found something sexy and attractive about them. As quietman said, without that physical chemistry, you are in a relationship that is nothing but "just friends".
I ceratinly agree! What is physically attractive to me may not be to the next person. Everyone is special in there own way and tend to be attracted to others who have compatible traits. Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder and the spark is created within that eye. I have dated women who were not beauties to others but they were awful beautiful to me. A beauty that was enhanced by a certain look, a certain touch or a little smile just at the right time.
 
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goldencalifornia is offline goldencalifornia Post #8  February 4,2008, 12:21pm
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Yes, it is indeed a deal breaker. It is imperative to be attracted to your mate, and not just mentally.
 
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nak is offline nak Post #9  February 4,2008, 2:35pm
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WhenI was 17 one of my best friends kept taking about this guy she met. She was absolutely gone over him. The first time I met him I was appalled and thinking she was off her rocker. Within an hour of talking to him,I couldn't remember why I thought hewas so un-attractive. He was a true gem. They married out of high school, had three kids and are STILL happily married.

The opposite is also true. I have met people that were very, very attractive initiallybut after an hour became pretty darn ugly.

The key, and thank goodness I learned it early, is to keep an open mind. That ugly oyster may hold a perfect blue pearl.

With all this being said, an oyster without a pearl is done in one slurp and it is time to move on to the next.
 
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Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #10  February 4,2008, 3:19pm

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Exactly my feelings de_zeye, I have often become physically attracted to someone based on getting to know their personality, quirks, body language etc. I think this is why I have a tought time online - we meet someone for the first time & we definitely rely on some kind of spark in the first few dates to be interested - you can't keep seeing someone indefinitely without this. But it's a shame because I've known some guys for months before becoming physically attracted to them.
 
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