How long before dating exclusively?


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texasgirl is offline texasgirl Post #1  February 3,2008, 5:29pm
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Does anyone else wrestle with this problem? How long do you wait before you bring up the topic of dating exclusively? I'm 46 so maybe it's different in the older age group. LOL Would love to hear some opinions on this especially from the guys. Thanks!
 
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snowygirl is offline snowygirl Post #2  February 25,2008, 6:56am
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texasgirl, wrote :
Does anyone else wrestle with this problem? How long do you wait before you bring up the topic of dating exclusively? I'm 46 so maybe it's different in the older age group. LOL Would love to hear some opinions on this especially from the guys. Thanks!
Hi there! This is just me, and what I would want in my situation. As soon as you sleep with them, I would hope that they would be exclusive with you.
 
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danb35 is offline danb35 Post #3  February 25,2008, 11:24am
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FWIW, my answer was on my third date with my now-girlfriend (2 weeks after our first). She's 29, I'm 34, in case that matters. In our case, it was a pretty simple question--"how do you feel about us dating exclusively?" "I'd like that."
 
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ftmyersgirl1981 is offline ftmyersgirl1981 Post #4  February 26,2008, 5:33pm
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I think that it is up to the individual couple and how emotionally intimate they have become.. However if you have been dating for a while, and still are not exclusive... somethings up!

Communicating with your guy about this could be a good idea (if you have been dating for a while.) Ask him so that you cantry to see how he sees the relationship. Don't try to read his mind or interpret the signs it will only give you a headache.

Also be aware that some guys have issues with making that step to girlfriend/boyfriend status so be patient.

I agree with snowygirl. Hopefully you are "exclusive" before you start sleeping together. I have made that mistake before and all it leads to is problems.
 
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chrlesmd is offline chrlesmd Post #5  March 1,2008, 9:57pm
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Personally, for me, I'd like to see at least 4 or 5 dates before we even get to that topic. They don't have to be "official dates" per se, but I do think spending time with someone before making that decision is important. I guess I look at it from this perspective, the first couple of dates, your both on your best behavior and you really don't get a sense of someone, except on the surface. Once you get past that stage, and you can both be comfortable with each other, that's when you really get a sense of who someone is...how they are with their guard down.
 
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movingalong is offline movingalong Post #6  March 2,2008, 6:43pm
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I wouldn't approach the topic until date 8 or date 9, maybe even date 10. By that time, you will have had a chance to really get to know that person. Plus, theroutine of making plans to be together is a nice launch pad to the "where do we stand" conversation. If you are making plans to be together for the 8th or 9th time,I say there's pretty solid chemisty going on -- enough to ask the other person where he sees the relationship going.
 
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mystikchik is offline mystikchik Post #7  March 4,2008, 9:37am

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Is this sort of thing done formally? Is there actually some set of rules like x amount of dates or the need to formally announce you are exclusive? Does it have to be mutual?

These are more in the nature of rhetorical questions as already know my response to these questions. I have strayed a couple of times into what became exclusive relationships--exclusive for a period of time. I don't recall ever asking the guy if we were exclusive. I simply felt no need to date anyone else and so in effect I became exclusive. As far as I can tell it was the same for the guys involved, as well.

Nothing formal, no set number of dates and nothing to do with what was happening or not happening in the bedroom. Our dating behaviour more or less defined the nature of our relationship: if I am seeing only one guy I am obviously involved in an exclusive relationship. If am seeing more than one guy I am not in an exclusive relationship. I don't know that I need to make all of this formal with words or promises. It either is or it isn't and all he words and promises are not going to change anything.
 
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west1745 is offline west1745 Post #8  March 4,2008, 6:11pm
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texasgirl, wrote :
Does anyone else wrestle with this problem? How long do you wait before you bring up the topic of dating exclusively? I'm 46 so maybe it's different in the older age group. LOL Would love to hear some opinions on this especially from the guys. Thanks!
BEFORE you are intimate! In my opinion - if you both want a serious relationship and guy is calling and making plans on a regular basis - then he gets exclusivity. But he does have to want the same thing and ask for it. I would not go to a house without it - stay dating and keep it casual and get to know each other. No heavy kissing and petting without that talk.

 
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JVC is offline JVC Post #9  March 6,2008, 8:31am
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On the first date, I usually ask "what's the best piece of advice you ever recieved." After discussing my date's reply, I'll give mine. . . "The only expectation that is valid is one which is communicated and agreed to." After some discussion I transition into. . . along those lines, since we're both using an on-line site, it's fair to assume we're both at least talking to others. . . no exclusitivity exists unless it's communicated and agreed to, and I limit physical initmacy to brief kisses until that happens. . . If he desires further emotional and physical intimacy, the groundwork's been laid for the conversation.
 
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Cathie is offline Cathie Post #10  March 6,2008, 8:46am
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ftmyersgirl1981,64274 wrote :

I think that it is up to the individual couple and how emotionally intimate they have become.. However if you have been dating for a while, and still are not exclusive... somethings up!

Communicating with your guy about this could be a good idea (if you have been dating for a while.) Ask him so that you cantry to see how he sees the relationship. Don't try to read his mind or interpret the signs it will only give you a headache.

Also be aware that some guys have issues with making that step to girlfriend/boyfriend status so be patient.

I agree with snowygirl. Hopefully you are "exclusive" before you start sleeping together. I have made that mistake before and all it leads to is problems.
I agree with your comment. It does depend on the couple. I'vwe been seeing this guy and he doesn't want me to talk to any other guy, but I don't think he's jealous, I think that he feels that he wants to date one woman at a time., And I agree with him.

I have tried talking to 3 men, at one time, on eHarmony, and it didn't work. I felt that I was leading them on even though I told the 3 of them that I'm talking to other 2men, I felt thatI was cheating them and myself. I feel that I need to concentrate on oneguy at a time. I also feel that I made the right choice.



I feel as long as the 2 of you are commited to each other than that's fine.







 
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