Be honest...Are EH users really interested in inter-racial dating?


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
NettaBoo is offline NettaBoo Post #1  February 3,2008, 3:52am

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2008

Columbus, Ohio

Posts: 35

See profile



Hello,

I am a 34 year old African American female living in Columbus, Ohio who is open to inter-racial dating. The majority of my EH matches are non-African American males, which is fine but the one thing I have noticed in the past is that many of them will quickly close the match with the reason "Other". I do realize that the match could have been closed for several reasons, (e.g. no attraction, did not like my profile, etc,)but sometimes I do wonder if many of these men are not interested in dating outside of their race? If this is the case, I wish that these men would be more specific about their preferences for matches.

Are EU users interested in inter-racial dating? Have other users experienced the same problem? I would love to hear from the EU community.
 
  Reply With Quote
Red Sox Girl is offline Red Sox Girl Post #2  February 3,2008, 8:13am

It's almost time folks.....

Unregistered

Joined: Jan 2008

MA

Posts: 3,852

See profile

Hi Netta, I'm a female so my opinion might not be as useful to you as a guy's. But I'd hope that if someone wasn't keen on inter-racial dating that they would alter their settings preferences to reflect that, it's easy enough to do. I myself do have multiple races listed in my settings preferences - so if I close out a match, it truly has nothing to do with their race - just might be that they don't grab my attention.
 
  Reply With Quote
Fide_Et_Marte is offline Fide_Et_Marte Post #3  February 3,2008, 4:44pm
Fide_Et_Marte's Avatar

Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Justice...

Quick Study

Joined: Nov 2007

Pittsburgh PA

Posts: 208

See profile

NettaBoo, wrote :

Hello,

I am a 34 year old African American female living in Columbus, Ohio who is open to inter-racial dating. The majority of my EH matches are non-African American males, which is fine but the one thing I have noticed in the past is that many of them will quickly close the match with the reason "Other". I do realize that the match could have been closed for several reasons, (e.g. no attraction, did not like my profile, etc,) but sometimes I do wonder if many of these men are not interested in dating outside of their race? If this is the case, I wish that these men would be more specific about their preferences for matches.

Are EU users interested in inter-racial dating? Have other users experienced the same problem? I would love to hear from the EU community.
NettaBoo, I'm a 35-year-old Caucasian male. I've found over the years that I'm attracted mostly to Caucasian females.

However... on a fairly regular basis I spot non-Caucasian women whom I find quite fetching.

So, for that reason, I express no racial preference on my eHarmony profile. Simply put, even though I know from experience that I'm not going to be attracted to a great number of non-Caucasian women, I don't want to preclude being matched against a non-Caucasian woman whom I do find attractive.

For the most part, I don't receive many interracial matches. (This isn't surprising; in the United States, among Caucasian/non-Caucasian males/females, non-Caucasian females express the strongest preference for dating within their own race.) I close the ones I do receive with "Other" if I feel no attraction (and there's no better reason to pick).

Based on your description, it sounds like at least some of the interracial men who are matched with you are using the same strategy.

My advice: if you are open to interracial dating, simply leave your preferences the way they are, and don't concern yourself with men who close you out with "Other". They're actually doing you a favor—they're letting you know you should move on. The ones with whom you make it to Open Communication are the ones with whom you have mutual attraction, regardless of race.
 
  Reply With Quote
MW77009 is offline MW77009 Post #4  February 4,2008, 5:23am
MW77009's Avatar

Back at work

Pacesetter

Joined: Nov 2007

Houston TX

Posts: 421

See profile



I have no racial preference and have my settings adjusted accordingly. If I close someone out, race is not the reason. Those with whom I have initiated communication usually close me out first. Those that I have actually gone out with have disappeared after the first date. I have only had one who cared to take it past the first date, but I think she was interested in my career more than she was interested in me so I said goodbye.
 
  Reply With Quote
niceandnosey is offline niceandnosey Post #5  February 4,2008, 6:07pm
niceandnosey's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jan 2008

Maryland

Posts: 55

See profile

NettaBoo, I wouldn't assume that your matches are closing you using "other" because of your race. I'm a multi-racial brown skinned (not light skinned) 36 yr old black woman and I've dated mostly outside of my race (not by preference, it just worked out that way). I've dated some extremely attractive men who had a lot to offer (and that includes through online dating), one of whom proposed to me at a time when I simply wasn't ready for marriage. I've found that men are generally open to a pretty face- period (and a nice personality, of course). There are people who aren't interested in dating outside of their race, of course, but I wouldn't assume that it's an issue with your close outs. On this site I've had men outside of my race close me because I didn't post a picture (not that they could see anyway, because I prefer to send pics as I choose) and I've had communication as well. So, I agree with Fide_Et_Marte and second his "Don't worry about it".
 
  Reply With Quote
joebangleec is offline joebangleec Post #6  February 8,2008, 6:31am
joebangleec 's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2008

Posts: 8

See profile

the overwhelming majority of people do not date outside their race. generally speaking, males are more protective of their bloodlines than females, thus less inclined to date outside of their race. Most people on here are looking for a relationship, not just for a date, therfore many men are thinking of having children & a family, thus race, religion, [the 2 biggies] are heavily factored into their decision to move forward or not. Many people don't know about or how to change the settings until they are a memeber for while, so that may or may not be a factor.
 
  Reply With Quote
Vinnie is offline Vinnie Post #7  February 9,2008, 7:13pm
Vinnie's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jan 2008

Posts: 7

See profile



I'm a 32-year-old white male, and I'm open to inter-racial dating. I had my settings open to all races, but after a while I found that I didn't receive a single match thatwas attractive to me from certain ethnicities (sorry if that makes me a racist or shallow, but I won'tpursue a relationshipwith women whom I'm not attracted to). So I went and changed my settings, and now I have white and 7 other ethnicities open. I still see attractivewomen fromall ethnicities somewhere else, but it didn't seem to be working out through eHarmony.

I think that there's a lot of familiarity and identity involved in that issue. I think most people are naturally or by culturemore attracted to people from their own ethnicity, but they can certainly find people fromother ethnicities attractive as well.
 
  Reply With Quote
Intriguing15 is offline Intriguing15 Post #8  February 10,2008, 1:27am
Intriguing15's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2008

Sacramento, CA

Posts: 5

See profile

Nettaboo I am so glad that you posted this because if you hadn't I would have had to. I think I'm having the exact same issue. I think most men would take a shot at Halle Berry or Ming Na if the opportunity came up, so they leave there options open knowing the likelihood that they'll pursue the relationship otherwise is very small. I can't really blame them, but it's frustrating when you begin to think of the number of potential matches that are not really true possibilities. It becomes hard not to take it personally.
 
  Reply With Quote
deborahdnlsn is offline deborahdnlsn Post #9  February 10,2008, 7:10am
deborahdnlsn's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Dec 2007

South/Central New Jersey

Posts: 16

See profile

Vinnie,58893 wrote :

I'm a 32-year-old white male, and I'm open to inter-racial dating. I had my settings open to all races, but after a while I found that I didn't receive a single match thatwas attractive to me from certain ethnicities (sorry if that makes me a racist or shallow, but I won'tpursue a relationshipwith women whom I'm not attracted to). So I went and changed my settings, and now I have white and 7 other ethnicities open. I still see attractivewomen fromall ethnicities somewhere else, but it didn't seem to be working out through eHarmony.

I think that there's a lot of familiarity and identity involved in that issue. I think most people are naturally or by culturemore attracted to people from their own ethnicity, but they can certainly find people fromother ethnicities attractive as well.
Vinnie, hate to tell you this but...you do sound shallowand a bitracist. Not all ethnic women look like Beyhnce, Vanessa Williams,Hailey Barry, J-LO, Selma Hayek, or Penelope Cruz. So to me from your comments it sounds like if you are going to dabble out side of your race or "taint" your blood line I think assome one said in anotherpost earlier it sounds like you want to be able to say; she may be X but at least she hot.
 
  Reply With Quote
robert2008 is offline robert2008 Post #10  February 12,2008, 1:55am
robert2008's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Feb 2008

Pacific Northwest

Posts: 123

See profile

joebangleec ,58478 wrote :
the overwhelming majority of people do not date outside their race. generally speaking, males are more protective of their bloodlines...
Whatever!

I have no problem dating outside of my "race" (I'm white), and do when the opportunity is there. Unfortunately, here in the Pacific Northwest, there are mostly a lot of white people.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« How to tell if he's into it | Dating | How to tell if he's into it »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:34am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0