ou girl is offline ou girl Post #1  February 2,2008, 2:22pm
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I've been friends with this guy for 3 years now and I think that I really like him as more than just a friend, but when I think that he is ready to ask me out I run the other way. What's wrong with me? Am I afraif of commitment or what. Need all the help I can get
 
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Abashment is offline Abashment Post #2  February 2,2008, 6:55pm
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Self-Sabotage. I do it too. You're probably attracted to the guy because you secretly don't think you can push it past friendship, then when you think it make get past that you run away. Your probably afraid of success, not commitment.

The article in the about you section titled "Are You Ambivalent About a Relationship?" might be a good read for you! Keep on trying! You're bound to fail at failing one of these days!
 
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AfterSchock is offline AfterSchock Post #3  February 3,2008, 4:32am
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you also might be scared that if it doesnt work out "what would happen to your friendship?" most of the time it heads south, sometimes it works out and you both ride in to the sunset together and other times nothing happens and you go back to being friends. really depends on the guy. are alot of his friends ex girlfriends? if the answer is no then i would diffinitly think about your guys realationship before doing it. now do you think that you like him just becuase your single right now and cant find that someone right? your friends all ways seem like a quick fix in that situation. i would just have to think about this really hard and list the pros and cons of some thing like this
 
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Fide_Et_Marte is offline Fide_Et_Marte Post #4  February 3,2008, 4:22pm
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ou girl, wrote :

I've been friends with this guy for 3 years now and I think that I really like him as more than just a friend, but when I think that he is ready to ask me out I run the other way. What's wrong with me? Am I afraif of commitment or what. Need all the help I can get


ou girl, I hate to say it, but if you've been friends with this guy for 3 years, and at no point has he attempted to move your relationship beyond just friendship, most likely, he simply isn't interested in a romantic relationship with you. Remember, as a general rule, men are not confused about what they want.

It sounds like what's going on here is that you want more than friendship, but are afraid that he doesn't, so you're oscillating over what to do.

I think you need to tell him how you feel, but before you do that, I think you need to decide whether you can accept remaining just his friend should he not reciprocate your feelings, because that's certainly a possibility based on what you've described.
 
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corvalueokie is offline corvalueokie Post #5  February 3,2008, 7:01pm
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I disagree with Fide and the part where he simply isn't interested. There's not enough info to know for sure. I have a co-worker, of around 3 years, who is incredibly beautiful. It’s been such a long time since I have found someone as attractive on the inside as she is. I don't think she's comfortable with the idea of dating someone she works with, especially someone who works on the same floor. She has enough going on at home and I don't want things to be uncomfortable at work for her. Maybe it's a situation like this or he is justshy.I agree however about the remaining friend’s part.You could loose a good friend. I'd talk to him about it. Make a few hints when you’re out doing things together, see what he says. One thing is for sure though a lot of guys like it when the woman makes the first move.If you don’t ask him out or at least talk about dating even in general, you’ll never know and you don’t want to spend your time wondering what if. That can hurt more than not saying anything at all.Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
 
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PY is offline PY Post #6  October 22,2008, 11:07pm

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I have a good friend whom I've known for a little under two years. At one point during dinner I 'hinted' at her the possibility of crossing the friend zone to start dating. We both agree sometimes it is not worth it to sacrifice a good friendship just for the sake of 'what if'...our friendship has gotten much better since then.


Maybe part of you is afraid that if things don't work out, you'd lose a friend..for me it's not worth it. Plenty of fish in the sea.
 
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ManekiNeko is offline ManekiNeko Post #7  October 22,2008, 11:58pm
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ou girl, wrote :

I've been friends with this guy for 3 years now and I think that I really like him as more than just a friend, but when I think that he is ready to ask me out I run the other way. What's wrong with me? Am I afraif of commitment or what. Need all the help I can get




Congratulations. You're scared. Yep, you're afraid you're going to screw up a perfectly good friendship by trying to move to the next level.


As for this guy not wanting to get into a relationship -- the same thing applies here -- he's probably terrified too. Most guys would jump at the chance to date, marry or bang their hot friend. I know I would.


Try being indirect... ask him about his romantic life, like a friend would and see what he does.



Holy sh*t. I actually said something sensible. Something is wrong with me.
 
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sjim is offline sjim Post #8  October 23,2008, 1:10am
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ou girl, wrote :

I've been friends with this guy for 3 years now and I think that I really like him as more than just a friend, but when I think that he is ready to ask me out I run the other way. What's wrong with me? Am I afraif of commitment or what. Need all the help I can get




You know what your afraid but I think your not ready yet. How old are you now
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #9  October 23,2008, 1:35am
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Maybe if he does like you, and you go running, then he sees this as rejecting him.


But keep this in mind: If you have established a "friendship" then that is exactly what you have done. I would suggest moving on.
 
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classicguru1979 is offline classicguru1979 Post #10  October 23,2008, 7:44am
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Dating a friend versus staying friends is always a tough one. My ex and I were friends for 7 months before we became more open about our feelings. Sometimes I kind of wish we had stayed friends rather than getting involved with each other like that. The first seven months we knew each other were awesome. We had a really rocky relationship after we started dating. To this day, I miss her very much and wish she was still apart of my life. If I were you, I would be careful. I think this is a gamble you absolutely have to be willing to take. If you are willing to take the chance, then go for it. I kind of feel like it is better to just hold onto to the friendship. My best friend is a female co-worker of mine. I do find her attractive, but I don't want to date her. She is too important to me to take THAT kind of risk. I think she feels the same way. I dunno, it's up to you, but I personally wouldn't take that kind of gamble again.
 
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