Ladies, can a guy be too nice?


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spinal97 is offline spinal97 Post #1  July 21,2008, 1:19pm
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Ok, I'm a nice guy, I always have been. I've never gotten a detention in my life, I always treat people with repect and I almost never get angry at anyone.


Thing is, I think this is a problem. People have always told me "nice guys finish last." I've never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl before. I always wondered if it was because I was too nice. I always treat women with respect, I hold the dooropen, I try to smile as much as possible, but women never treat me as anything more than a friend.


Maybe it's my looks. I'm not exactly the most handsome guy, I'm short, and I'm far from being in shape. ButI think the women think I'm being so nice to themjust so I can get lucky, but of course I'm not, that's justhow I am.


Anyway, I hope I'm wrong. Can anyone give me any suggestions or should I just stay the way I am?
 
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curiousme5 is offline curiousme5 Post #2  July 21,2008, 1:21pm

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See the "Caveman" thread. Many (not all)women like "bad" boys, maybe not fair, just the way it is.
 
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Lace23 is offline Lace23 Post #3  July 21,2008, 1:25pm
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The cavemen thread has nothing to do with bad boys. It's about confidence and strength when in intimate moments.


As for the OP - I dont know why my friend, I don't know enough the situations and I'll never know enough to give you an answer since it's based on the woman's preference. All I can say is to just keep trying.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #4  July 21,2008, 1:25pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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Spinal....one thing that to me seems valuable, independent of whether women like it or not, is the ability to have a flexible behavioral repertoire. You say you are a nice and respectful guy, which of course is great and very valuable in certain situations. But, there are situations in which you need to be 'not nice'. Situationsin which it is apprporiate and valuable to express anger and other similar emotions in a productive way. So, I guess my answer isthat being really good at being nice is a good thing,but it's not good if this is the only way you can act.
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #5  July 21,2008, 1:30pm
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spinal97, wrote :

Ok, I'm a nice guy, I always have been. I've never gotten a detention in my life, I always treat people with repect and I almost never get angry at anyone.


Thing is, I think this is a problem. People have always told me "nice guys finish last." I've never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl before. I always wondered if it was because I was too nice. I always treat women with respect, I hold the dooropen, I try to smile as much as possible, but women never treat me as anything more than a friend.


Maybe it's my looks. I'm not exactly the most handsome guy, I'm short, and I'm far from being in shape. ButI think the women think I'm being so nice to themjust so I can get lucky, but of course I'm not, that's justhow I am.


Anyway, I hope I'm wrong. Can anyone give me any suggestions or should I just stay the way I am?
Hmmm . . . I have a guy pal who is a very nice person, but he has a hard time getting dates and when he does, they don't last for very long and the thing I noticed is that he acts more like a big brother to women then he does a man who is interested in a woman. Maybe don't change the niceness, cause that's who you are and believe me there's not enough of that going around, but maybe shift your approach and energy more toward a "I really like you as a woman." Actually do the courship thing with a woman you're intersted in and call her and officially ask her for a date and make it sound interesting enough that she'll accept. "I've got these two tickets to this great play and we can have dinner at this great restaurant nearby . . .". Bring flowers, dress to impress. . . do the "dance". Really make the effort to take it past a friendship level by being clear about your intentions.
 
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curiousme5 is offline curiousme5 Post #6  July 21,2008, 1:33pm

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Lace23,180637 wrote :

The cavemen thread has nothing to do with bad boys. It's about confidence and strength when in intimate moments.


As for the OP - I dont know why my friend, I don't know enough the situations and I'll never know enough to give you an answer since it's based on the woman's preference. All I can say is to just keep trying.
It absolutely correlates! "Bad" boy probably has a dirrerent meaning for you and I.
 
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siren is offline siren Post #7  July 21,2008, 1:36pm
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spinal97, wrote :

Ok, I'm a nice guy, I always have been. I've never gotten a detention in my life, I always treat people with repect and I almost never get angry at anyone.


Thing is, I think this is a problem. People have always told me "nice guys finish last." I've never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl before. I always wondered if it was because I was too nice. I always treat women with respect, I hold the dooropen, I try to smile as much as possible, but women never treat me as anything more than a friend.


Maybe it's my looks. I'm not exactly the most handsome guy, I'm short, and I'm far from being in shape. ButI think the women think I'm being so nice to themjust so I can get lucky, but of course I'm not, that's justhow I am.


Anyway, I hope I'm wrong. Can anyone give me any suggestions or should I just stay the way I am?
well, it could be your looks if you are dating beauty queens, frankly they are probably using u for a free dinner (who says there's no such thing as a free lunch). Most people seek out their equals across the board, they are similarly attractive, they have similar levels of social desirability, they earn approximately the same, and are similar in education and life experience. Women do expect men to make the first move. Are you waiting for a girl to sweep you off your feet and kiss you? Honestly, some of those women are probably wondering "gee he seems like such a nice guy, I guess he's just not attracted to me, too bad". Have you read a decent book on how to court women? Do you have any reliable guy friends you could have a frank talk with? good luck, siren
 
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brownize916 is offline brownize916 Post #8  July 21,2008, 1:37pm
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Spinal,


I don't think that nice guys necessarily finish last but in some respects yes you canbe too nice. Surely we want a nice guy but we don't want a doormat. I don't want someone who doesn't have his own opinions or doesn't show passion about anything because he agrees with everything I say. Lastly, confidence speaks louder than anything else. If you are always second guessing yourself or flaky, indecisive so to speak then I am not interested.
 
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spinal97 is offline spinal97 Post #9  July 21,2008, 1:42pm
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Ok I think I see. Don't change my niceness, just change my attitude a bit and be more confident and be able to hol. I'm always afraid I'll take it too far and make her mad or something. I've never been very good at debating anything, I'm a very quiet guy actually.


I really need to get my confidence up, I basically have none. But I see what everyone is saying, I think. I do have my own opinions about things, but I'm afarid I'll get her mad or something.
 
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lawyergirl08 is offline lawyergirl08 Post #10  July 21,2008, 1:44pm
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Yep, there definitelyis such a thing as too nice. For me, too nice usually means I sense a lack of confidence from the guy. Assertiveness and confidence are sexy. Period. Guys who are too nice may feel they are being super respectful but it comes across as a lack of self-respect. It's like the old adage says: you teach people how to treat you. Don't drop the rest of your life for a woman. Don't always give in. Require that you receive comparable benefit and burden from the relationship.


Personally, if a guy wouldn't let his friends get away with something, then he shouldn't let me get away with it. Stand up to me and ye shall reap the benefits.[img]library/editor/plugins/emotions/img/smiley-laughing.gif[/img]
 
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