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MPdoc68 MPdoc68 is offline
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This thread is for men/women who answer "yes" to the "Want kids?" question that appears in every profile.


A single woman who wants kids in the future seems to be in a difficult position in communicating how her career would/might fit into the picture. You would think EH would have allowed for some indication of her options so us guys might know...


Unless she is independently wealthy, she has to, while single,have a career/job and hopefully one that she finds currently rewarding and exciting. It seems to me that her future anticipatory possibilites upon marriage/pregnancy run the gamut from:


1. She wants to be a housewife/stay-at-home mom


2. She wants to be primarily a mom and maybe work part-time or out of her home if possible.


3. She wants to maintain a full-time career even with kids (i.e. major childcare help needed)


I realize there are some gray areas and family finances play a role. Do you gals have an idea in your head of what you forsee for yourself? Sometimes I wish I knew who was "career-minded" for LIFE and who is just for the TIME-BEING (and not all guys think the same about this issue either).
- July 21st, 2008, 01:54 am
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LifeRebuilder LifeRebuilder is offline
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MPdoc68, wrote :

This thread is for men/women who answer "yes" to the "Want kids?" question that appears in every profile.


A single woman who wants kids in the future seems to be in a difficult position in communicating how her career would/might fit into the picture. You would think EH would have allowed for some indication of her options so us guys might know...


Unless she is independently wealthy, she has to, while single,have a career/job and hopefully one that she finds currently rewarding and exciting. It seems to me that her future anticipatory possibilites upon marriage/pregnancy run the gamut from:


1. She wants to be a housewife/stay-at-home mom


2. She wants to be primarily a mom and maybe work part-time or out of her home if possible.


3. She wants to maintain a full-time career even with kids (i.e. major childcare help needed)


I realize there are some gray areas and family finances play a role. Do you gals have an idea in your head of what you forsee for yourself? Sometimes I wish I knew who was "career-minded" for LIFE and who is just for the TIME-BEING (and not all guys think the same about this issue either).
This is a great question and usually when I get into OC with a match these are some of the questions I ask about first. You are right there is a whole gamut to discuss and for me this can make the difference on whether this is going to be a match or a close. So I ask the same questions and more. Besides just the stay at home and career there is religion and do you have the same beliefs on how to discipline children. There are so many issues to discuss together to come to a common goal of what you both want for your future.
- July 21st, 2008, 02:36 am
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lawyergirl08 lawyergirl08 is offline
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I'd like to havekids somedaybut I won't be upset if I don't. #3 is the only option that would work for me. My position could certainly change down the road but right now I am primarily career-minded.And, if I had to choose, I'd say I am more career-minded for life, than for just the time being. As such, I'm always upfront about this issue in relationships out of fairness; I know children are very important for some and I'd never want someone to miss out on that experience if they desired it.
- July 21st, 2008, 03:49 am
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I want to be an at-home mom. I share that with all my matches that in no way I want to work once I have children. After marriage I will work but once I have children I want to be 100% dedicated to them. No nannies in my house.
- July 21st, 2008, 04:28 am
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Verity27 Verity27 is offline
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japaneseblueeyes wrote :

I want to be an at-home mom. I share that with all my matches that in no way I want to work once I have children. After marriage I will work but once I have children I want to be 100% dedicated to them. No nannies in my house.
Be careful what you wish for Blueeys! In theory it sounds great, don't get me wrong I adore my kids & they are my first priority. However there are some aspects you might want to consider. It's very difficult to adjust to being 100% dependant on someone else financially, after being independent & self sufficient. In many ways it's a bit like groundhog day on acid! What youachieve each day is there waiting for you to do exactly the same thing EVERY day. Wash clothes, clean, nappies, cook...You do that for 5 years without some extra mental stimulation & your brain starts leaking out your ears! I worked part time after 6 months to a year. No stress, adult conversation, a bit of independence and sanity. Just wanted to give another perspective.
- July 21st, 2008, 04:49 am
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Verity27 wrote :

Be careful what you wish for Blueeys! In theory it sounds great, don't get me wrong I adore my kids & they are my first priority. However there are some aspects you might want to consider. It's very difficult to adjust to being 100% dependant on someone else financially, after being independent & self sufficient. In many ways it's a bit like groundhog day on acid! What you achieve each day is there waiting for you to do exactly the same thing EVERY day. Wash clothes, clean, nappies, cook...You do that for 5 years without some extra mental stimulation & your brain starts leaking out your ears! I worked part time after 6 months to a year. No stress, adult conversation, a bit of independence and sanity. Just wanted to give another perspective.
I always knew being a SAHM was hard but I had no idea until I did it for a little over a year. That was so stinking hard and in the end I think it played a part in my marriage dying because I just could not keep the house clean as he wanted it and I was so unhappy. I love my children but that was possibly the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
- July 21st, 2008, 06:27 am
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cp30 cp30 is offline
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Good question Doc, I look forward to coming home from work and answering it...
- July 21st, 2008, 06:40 am
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I'm going to have to watch this topic.


I would like to have more children and could use some female perspective on this issue.
- July 21st, 2008, 07:07 am
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I currently work as a paralegal and have the ability to work from home full time if necessary. I have that stated in my profile. I am also currently furthering my education and would like to eventually work as a divorce mediator or guardian ad litem for children of divorcing parents. So I have many options. I am hoping to stay at home with my kids when theyare little and work more outside the home once they are in school. Of course there are variables that will affect this like work schedules, what we can afford financially and by the fact that I have a 7 year old child now. I would say that ultimatly I am career minded for life but want to take time out to be there as much as possible for my kids and have as little daycare/outside help as possible.
- July 21st, 2008, 07:35 am
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jayjay jayjay is online now
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japaneseblueeyes wrote :

I want to be an at-home mom. I share that with all my matches that in no way I want to work once I have children. After marriage I will work but once I have children I want to be 100% dedicated to them. No nannies in my house.
You mean after you've had children you will have no use for your husband and will divorce him? .


Some people mentioned how difficult it might be to stay home FT with children....if you find it to be hard you still have the option of going back to work. I would think this could be a flexible choice, as long as both in the couple aren't rigidly held to 'one way or the highway'. I see some of you discuss this with matches apparently very early in the getting-to-know-you process. I think I'd feel kind of strange asking about this....like the people who begin talking about having children with their date while on the first date. Those of you who discuss this early on, have your matches been OK with the subject?
- July 21st, 2008, 07:59 am
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