okay Doc...lets see if I can summarize this (for me anyway).


First, no I don't think there is currently a good way to communicate your feelings about this in an online profile. And I think that is why I said guys should not jump to conclusions about career. Its really going to be different for most of us..maybe some trends but I imagine it would be real hard to tell right away unless the woman is pretty blunt about it...which leads me to my next point


It seems pretty awkward to be blunt about such things on a profile for several reasons. The first is that its a bit TMI and scary. I mean, its jumping the gun a little bit. Most people are not wanting to talk about marriage or kids right away, and their value system related to it. It seems a bit premature to most, unless its just listed as a value or something in a more general way (ie family is very important to me -- but what the heck does that really mean!?!? isn't important to most people?)


The second reason is that, I am with Suzanne in Houston....its really not my sole decision is it? There are a lot of factors that could influence me...finances (what if I marry someone younger, its possible and he might not be as established as me, or there are rough times and we both have to work no matter what, etc). It could be that I have the perfect job that allows me flexibility and I have great benefits or something. I dont know. I guess I just mean that I am open to possibilities depending on the unknown factor -- who is the guy?


Ideally, yes, I want to be able to stay home with my kids at least for the first 5 years of their lives. I'd like to maintain relevance in my field from working at home for some private clients that I have (ideally) but that might not be possible even though I have worked hard to make it a possibility. A few years back, I took a job that was incredibly flexible ...its like I was all prepared for everything and before I knew it I felt like life was passing me by. I knew I could make more money elsewhere and it gets to a point where its about my own survival and future vs. the unknown of marriage and children. At some point I decided to choose a good retirement package, promotion, and less flexible hours since I dont really need them right now. It could be hard to go backwards but hopefully not. Its very hard to balance this all out in your mind when there are so many unknowns. Eventually most women will choose money and security and professional fulfillment if they can over the unknown of marriage and kids.


A third point -- I'd like the freedom to stay home with my kids, and I'd like the freedom to work fewer hours (perhaps if I can't work from home I would very much consider going into teaching or academia to have summers off and better hours - very likely anyway as a future goal of mine)


One of the reasons I'd like to stay involved with my career or even change my career path is totally selfish -- for me and my own fulfillment and because I am a curious person who is always learning and bettering myself. The other reason is something I believe deeply and can't stress enough -- I don't ever want my kids to feel guilty that I never had a life because of them, or that I gave everything up for them. I want them to know that I have a life of my own, that I care about my own needs beyond them and my family, and that I care about the community as well and the world I live in.


I learned a lot from my mom...who was a Stay at home Mom....but I also learned that the kids WILL be okay if mom goes out with her friends once in awhile, or has some of her own personal fulfillment in life. I still feel bad for my mom and its not a good feeling. I dont want to put my kids through that, if I ever have them.


oh.....but yeah...how to convey this to a potential match? I have no idea...suggestions are great