She finally got back to me


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HurrMark is offline HurrMark Post #1  July 20,2008, 10:05pm
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Well, the woman who I've been fretting about for more than a month now got back to me tonight. I was at the point where I pretty much lost all hope, so this was definitely a surprise. As usual, she was very kind towards me and said very sweet things that no one has ever said to me before. It was an incredibly long e-mail...the two messages she sent probably would be more than the max allowable if combined. She apologized for not getting back to me; she has been extremely busy, and she hasn't had time for anything. Really, the timing of all this was lousy, and that this wasn't a good time for her to get onto eHarmony.



Basically, I think what she said was probably the final nail in the coffin in terms of a relationship. She said that she really has no time to date, and she isn't sure when she will be ready. She also suggested I date other people and not sit around and wait for her (which I have been doing). In addition, she is struggling with the idea that she's at a different stage of her life than I am (she's a mother, and a divorcee, among other things)...so that's something she was thinking about. Essentially, she still left the door ajar (she didn't say, no, this could never work out, and said things that suggested that it's still possible someday), but for the forseeable future, I don't see any chance that there will be anything romantic.


The thing is, I absolutely don't want to lose her completely, and really want to at the very least, remain friends. She said the idea "appeals" to her, but the problem is that due to her busy schedule, she feels that she can't make too much time at this point. She feels I deserve better than her, and because of that that it's hard for her to just have me as an occasional friend. But the thing is, I am perfectly fine with that. If we only see each other once in a while, that's not the end of the world. I just feel it's a travesty if we lose contact completely since we have so much in common and enjoy each other's company.



So how do I approach this? Is there any way to approach this? It's heartbreaking for me to think that I can lose a friend like this...even if it doesn't turn into anything romantic.
 
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Coldfusion is offline Coldfusion Post #2  July 20,2008, 10:08pm
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She's trying to be really nice about telling you she never wants to see you again. Seriously, nobody is too busy to make time for people they care about or want to care about. Forget about her.
 
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KC7781 is offline KC7781 Post #3  July 20,2008, 10:50pm
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Third attempt. HurrMark, let it go, for your own sake. I don't know why people sign up for EH when they don't have the time to invest in developing a relationship, but they're around. If you want to leave the ball in her court and let her know you'd like to hear from her, that's fine, but in the meantime, move on to more available people. You deserve it. Good luck. KC
 
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japaneseblueeyes is offline japaneseblueeyes Post #4  July 21,2008, 1:42am
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I think she is just not that into you. But hey, if you are cool with just being friends then do it.
 
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London25 is offline London25 Post #5  July 21,2008, 2:50am
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KC7781,180066 wrote :

Third attempt. HurrMark, let it go, for your own sake. I don't know why people sign up for EH when they don't have the time to invest in developing a relationship, but they're around. If you want to leave the ball in her court and let her know you'd like to hear from her, that's fine, but in the meantime, move on to more available people. You deserve it. Good luck. KC
I am also wondering why people sign upfor eH when the don't have the time.
 
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rg26 is offline rg26 Post #6  July 21,2008, 3:27am
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London25,180124 wrote :

KC7781,180066 wrote :


Third attempt. HurrMark, let it go, for your own sake. I don't know why people sign up for EH when they don't have the time to invest in developing a relationship, but they're around. If you want to leave the ball in her court and let her know you'd like to hear from her, that's fine, but in the meantime, move on to more available people. You deserve it. Good luck. KC


I am also wondering why people sign up for eH when the don't have the time.
They have time, but only for the right person. Too busy is a polite excuse for too busy to see YOU. Don't shoot the messenger.
 
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Marisol is offline Marisol Post #7  July 21,2008, 4:04am
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Hi HM - Thanks for sharing your update. I am sorry you had your worries confirmed, I know how disappointing and sadit is, but CF is absolutely right on. We make the time for the people we care about. Not to completely condemn this woman.Shedoes have her hands full,and she cared enough to go to lengths to explain her reasoning. Points for that. Butif she had time to writea lengthy email, she hadtime to meet you for a quick bite, or to call you with the bad news.


As I said onyour original thread,when it comes time to let someone down, there's no letting him/her down easy, but once we've invested the time in all the long phone talks and emails and gone on that first date, the least we can do is show some respect and man- or woman-up anddo it in person or over the phone and share in the hard part.It's only right, having encouraged and shared in the good times.


To hide behind a computer instead and send a "Let's be friends" note like we'restill in high school isnot only chicken-hearted, itrobs the other person of any closure. I've had it done to me, if it helps to know someone's feelin' your pain,and it leaves you with no opportunity to say what you need to say, ending with "Good-bye", your righteous dignity still intact. But that's the point.People who do this do it to control the situation so they don't have to carry the responsibility for their choices or face the consequences, i.e. their affect on another person's feelings. Instead, theyjust click "Send" and split, safe fromthe additional hurt and confusion they've caused.


Rejection is part of life. No one gets spared. But we could spare each other alot of the painand embarassment by showing some courage. It's the difference between letting someone down and dumping them.


HM,sounds like you could use a hug.
 
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HurrMark is offline HurrMark Post #8  July 21,2008, 5:38am
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Thank you for your advice. I realize that from what it sounds, it not the best thing to let this drag on, but I just don't want to lose this person in any way...I will collect my thoughts and try to get a hold of her on the phone, just so we can straighten this out. Then I guess I can decide.
 
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Coldfusion is offline Coldfusion Post #9  July 21,2008, 5:56am
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Flaflipflops is offline Flaflipflops Post #10  July 21,2008, 6:37am
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The big clue here is, she is telling you to date other people...I understand wanting to be friends, been there done that one. It is way too hard when feelings are still involved. As much as you try it just doesn't work. For your sake I hope that it does, but just make sure you want to remain friends for the right reasons..And like CF said we WANT to make time for people that we care about....
 
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