Hi Spider, I SO AGREE with your comments about your ambivalence! I have felt this way for years, and I have often wondered if there was something "wrong" with me for wanting to not let go of my solitude. I want true intimacy and a deep connection with someone that I cherish, but I don't necessarily want to live with that someone! The idea of having to supply constant company just makes me cringe at the very thought! I want to come home and think "hurray, solitude" instead of "oh great, he's going to be there wanting dinner and to talk to me." Yes I know, it sounds like I must be horribly asocial, but i'm really not. I just like having time to myself where I don't have to consider for even one moment, anyone's needs but my own. Do you suppose, Spider, that it's because we relate too intensely when we ARE with someone? I do tend to focus a lot of attention completely on the other person. I'm always aware that someone else is around, when they are. I"m a mother to two teenage sons, and even though they spend a ton of time in their bedrooms and don't interact with me all that much, and they're no trouble at all when they're home, I still LOVE it when I have the house completely to myself. And I don't know what your experiences have been, but in my experience, many men think I'm weird and wonde why I'm even on eHarmony. They assume I must not really want a relationship. I figure if they can't understand my needing space and alone time, then they are too needy for me. And I hold fast to my ideals and will not settle! We deserve what we most desire! So I trust thatthe right relationship is out there for me (and for you), because the "right" relationship means above all, the one I have with myself. I am very content with my life, and the right relationship would greatly enhance it, because who can't use more love in their life, right? But the wrong relationship, settling for less than what I want, would be a travesty. So hang in there -- you are not alone, and now I know I'm not alone either!