shywolf_78 is offline shywolf_78 Post #1  July 12,2008, 11:38am
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I'm so tired of coming across a match that fits everything I want in a man, we get to talking for weeks, and he makes no effort to communicate or anything!!! This has happened to me several times over the past yeah and a half, they respond, but they ask no questions about me, they don't seem curious at all, they don't really volunteer information and only seem to pay attention to half of what I'm saying, they make no effort at beginning a relationship, but they don't end it either. It seems like these guys just think a relationship is going to happen and that is not how things work. Please eharmony!!! Please make this a topic for your advice newsletter and let these guys know that you have to give to get!!!
 
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LawyerDan is offline LawyerDan Post #2  July 12,2008, 11:44am
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Two reasons why in general I think guys make no effort


1) the guy is just not interested


2) the guy has made effort and it is not being returned so he stops bothering and then he stops caring.
 
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Mia21972 is offline Mia21972 Post #3  July 12,2008, 11:48am

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LawyerDan,167964 wrote :

Two reasons why in general I think guys make no effort


1) the guy is just not interested


2) the guy has made effort and it is not being returned so he stops bothering and then he stops caring.
Riddle me this, Danman, what's with the guys who are sweet, sexy, funny, charming, attentive, etc. via e-mail, text & phone and then total duds in person? Only to return to the aforementioned fella when back on computer, cell, etc.
 
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LawyerDan is offline LawyerDan Post #4  July 12,2008, 11:50am
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That begs the question Mia, why are you letting these men return to the aforementioned fella. After they are determined dudes why not move on?


Not sure, maybe they are brave behind a CPU but are not real gamers if you will. chokes at the big moment.
 
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shywolf_78 is offline shywolf_78 Post #5  July 12,2008, 11:52am
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LawyerDan,167964 wrote :

Two reasons why in general I think guys make no effort


1) the guy is just not interested


2) the guy has made effort and it is not being returned so he stops bothering and then he stops caring.
I've been on eharmony for almost 2 years on and off, and the men I'm referring to ARE interested, they just don't do anything about it. They talk about meeting in person and one even made plans to do so, it's ME who has to end it after a couple of months because they just aren't making any kind of effort and I come to realize that they aren't initializing any conversation with me, it's me who's doing all the work and I don't even know their favorite color, or food, basic information that someone should know about one another after talking for months.
 
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LawyerDan is offline LawyerDan Post #6  July 12,2008, 11:54am
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shywolf_78,167974 wrote :

LawyerDan,167964 wrote :


Two reasons why in general I think guys make no effort


1) the guy is just not interested


2) the guy has made effort and it is not being returned so he stops bothering and then he stops caring.


I've been on eharmony for almost 2 years on and off, and the men I'm referring to ARE interested, they just don't do anything about it. They talk about meeting in person and one even made plans to do so, it's ME who has to end it after a couple of months because they just aren't making any kind of effort and I come to realize that they aren't initializing any conversation with me, it's me who's doing all the work and I don't even know their favorite color, or food, basic information that someone should know about one another after talking for months.
You say that you are doing all the work but what work can you be doing if you do not know their basic information? are you saying you ask over and over and they refuse to tell you?
 
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Mia21972 is offline Mia21972 Post #7  July 12,2008, 12:03pm

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LawyerDan,167971 wrote :

That begs the question Mia, why are you letting these men return to the aforementioned fella. After they are determined dudes why not move on?


Not sure, maybe they are brave behind a CPU but are not real gamers if you will. chokes at the big moment.
I guess I'm a sucker for a second chance.
 
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BSLS is offline BSLS Post #8  July 12,2008, 12:33pm
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I am currently communicating with a guy who meets the description of the OP. I haven't met him yet but we write dialy. Last week my kids were away for the whole week andI sent him a somewhat flirttious email suggesting we could meet. He declined and said he was busy until the end of the month but would like to meet then. Our emails are not in depth at all, but he does write back every day.


I have been giving this a lot of thought and this is the conclusion I have come to. The few relationships I have been in have always been of the instant chemistry sort. Came on strong, got serious very quickly, and thenended just as abruptly. I'm thinking there might be something to be said for the slow and steady route.whe ntalking about this issue a friend of mine described it this way: Do you want a relationship fire made out of all kindling, or do you want a slow burning log that stays burning for a long time? So, I'm being patient and letting him set whatever pace he feels comfortable with. I'm thinking he may be worth the wait.
 
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pinz is offline pinz Post #9  July 12,2008, 12:41pm
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I think the internet has done much for helping people 'reach out', but conversely, damaged the development of 'normal' social skills. Some men are BRILLIANT at the keyboard, but really, have no clue what to do with their mouths or their brains in a social situation.


I'm not cutting the guy who watches t.v. while on a date with a girl ANY slack. Tha't just plain RUDE. He's got to LEARN to 'disconnect' from 'the screen'... and deal with another human being.
 
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Songryder is offline Songryder Post #10  July 12,2008, 12:46pm
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shywolf_78, wrote :

I'm so tired of coming across a match that fits everything I want in a man, we get to talking for weeks, and he makes no effort to communicate or anything!!! This has happened to me several times over the past yeah and a half, they respond, but they ask no questions about me, they don't seem curious at all, they don't really volunteer information and only seem to pay attention to half of what I'm saying, they make no effort at beginning a relationship, but they don't end it either. It seems like these guys just think a relationship is going to happen and that is not how things work. Please eharmony!!! Please make this a topic for your advice newsletter and let these guys know that you have to give to get!!!
Yeah, I just closed one like that. It only took two communications though to get that he wasn't interested or interesting. We don't have any control over how people respond to us, even if our expectations are that after weeks of communication, they oughta be more open. It's not a "guy" or a "girl" thing. It's across the board and some women do the same thing. If someone doesn't communicate with me within a week of OC and that person hasn't said they're going out of town or they've had an emergency (all of which are open to suspicion), and I was the one who sent the last commuication, I'll close the match. I haven't got time to play games. I'm not getting any younger
 
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