Paying for the first date


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Vinnie is offline Vinnie Post #1  January 26,2008, 10:09am
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I don't know about the rest of you men, but usuallyI like to be a gentleman and pick up the tab after a date. But recently I went on 4 dates with 2 different girls, and I ended up paying for everything onall four dates. Neither one of the girls even tried to reach for the wallet. I'm not cheap, but I'm not rich either, and I think when you're meeting someone from a dating service, things are a little different. You're meeting someone whom you don't really know, andthere's a good chance you will never see thatperson again.Back me up here, guys, if you go on 4 or 5 first dates and you have to pay for everything, it adds up! I spent $200 on 4 dates, and I'm not going to see either girl again.[img]images/smiles/18.gif[/img]

Girls, come on!! You gotta start offering to split the bill on those first dates! I think a very common sense agreement is that the couple shouldroughly calculate how much each one spent, because sometimes one ordered an expensive dish, or more drinks. Then on the second date, things might change a little. If the girl took the initiative to invite the guy on a second date, it's OK to split the bill again, and if the guy took the initiative to invite the girl, it's OK for the guy to pick up the tab. But basic first-date courtesy is important. We're not running a charity!

One of my dates invited me for a second date, she suggested the restaurant, and when the bill came, she didn't even move![img]images/smiles/19.gif[/img]
 
 
newsurfer is offline newsurfer Post #2  January 27,2008, 9:00am
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Vinnie, wrote :

I don't know about the rest of you men, but usuallyI like to be a gentleman and pick up the tab after a date. But recently I went on 4 dates with 2 different girls, and I ended up paying for everything onall four dates. Neither one of the girls even tried to reach for the wallet. I'm not cheap, but I'm not rich either, and I think when you're meeting someone from a dating service, things are a little different. You're meeting someone whom you don't really know, andthere's a good chance you will never see thatperson again.Back me up here, guys, if you go on 4 or 5 first dates and you have to pay for everything, it adds up! I spent $200 on 4 dates, and I'm not going to see either girl again.[img]images/smiles/18.gif[/img]

Girls, come on!! You gotta start offering to split the bill on those first dates! I think a very common sense agreement is that the couple shouldroughly calculate how much each one spent, because sometimes one ordered an expensive dish, or more drinks. Then on the second date, things might change a little. If the girl took the initiative to invite the guy on a second date, it's OK to split the bill again, and if the guy took the initiative to invite the girl, it's OK for the guy to pick up the tab. But basic first-date courtesy is important. We're not running a charity!

One of my dates invited me for a second date, she suggested the restaurant, and when the bill came, she didn't even move![img]images/smiles/19.gif[/img]
I came to this advice board just for the "Who's Paying?" question. I'm in the same boat as you. I'm always the gentlemen and want to pay, but like you, I'm not poor or rich, but dating can add up to alot of cash quickly. I think you should be upfront with you want in a tactful way. "While we're getting to know each other I would like to split the bill's. How do you feel about that?" It's a mature question and we want women who are mature enough to hear it. Another selling point is that you can have twice the dates with the lady because you're not tapped out on funds. I have buddy who was divorced and shared this with his girlfriend. They're married today and still do it. Of course, either person has the option of offering to pay the whole bill whenever they want. I'm looking at my next relationship and want to find a woman who has that independence and appreciates it when I make sacrifices financially or in any other way. Let's be honest, there are plenty of women out there looking for a Sugar Daddy. If they want to be with you because you're going to pay all bills, you have to wonder how mature and independent they are.

I was starting to waiver on my approach, but your question helped me to feel more sure of my approach. I did this with a lady I dated and she was very understanding about it and it worked well. Another great thing about sharing this upfront is that you avoid the tension when the check comes. The lady can sensethe tension you have when the check comes, I believe,and it puts unnecessary stress on the date for both of you.
 
 
quietman1950 is offline quietman1950 Post #3  January 27,2008, 9:35am
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Me too! I consider it a compliment when a lady agrees to go out on a first date with me so I always pay for the meal or whatever we're doing. I like being a gentleman and I feel a lady likes being treated like a lady!
 
 
drfrank0607 is offline drfrank0607 Post #4  January 27,2008, 10:28am
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This writer has almost always paid for going out usually very decent if not big on the first date....its for a strong impression among strong competition at least from this writers old pre soul searching Dr. Warren training.. However, almost gals have cooked at home or at least offered some kind of snack with some other pleasures....if you understand what this writer is saying after so many take outs at fine dining or culteral enhanced types of dates. Nothing compares with the impression of a strong first date, however this like being cooked for can through the balance and perspective off the bigger picture of issues for the future. This isthrowing off ones balance is especially stressed in Dr. Warren's sexual passion issue in his soul search book. Money is stressed in the value trait chapter of all the different traits that must be highly compatable for a great long term relationship. When is one taking advantage of or exploiting a relationship... this would be a character and integrity kind of issue. If you are serious about learning if you are higly alike given all of Dr. Warrens traits emphasis to figure out plus his two year testing of a potential marriage (very hard and long if you are use to certain patterns of sexual passion that have clouded past judgements)then a long term game plan with financial agreements might be both a high value and priority for it to work to test the other traits too.Good luck"Dr.Frank,PhD"
 
 
lm124 is offline lm124 Post #5  January 27,2008, 5:14pm
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I wouldn't find it flattering to be told that "since we're just getting to know each other let's spilt the check."I make a great salary and I'd worry thatyou were intimidated by that or werelooking for a sugar mama! This goes both ways and I think it would be alot safer to meet for coffee or an inexpensive lunch... something you CAN afford to pay for with multiple women. If you bring the subject up first, you'll never know if she's generous or not and it's NOTromantic... no matter how you spin it.
 
 
lm124 is offline lm124 Post #6  January 27,2008, 5:21pm
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And why is there tension when thecheck comes? Unless you're 16 and on your first date, you MUST have had SOME social experience. C'mon now... you're scaring me!! Please don't wimp out... act like real men please and just be sensible.
 
 
quietman1950 is offline quietman1950 Post #7  January 28,2008, 3:51am
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lm124,53540 wrote :

I wouldn't find it flattering to be told that "since we're just getting to know each other let's spilt the check." I make a great salary and I'd worry that you were intimidated by that or were looking for a sugar mama! This goes both ways and I think it would be alot safer to meet for coffee or an inexpensive lunch... something you CAN afford to pay for with multiple women. If you bring the subject up first, you'll never know if she's generous or not and it's NOT romantic... no matter how you spin it.
I have to say in the beginning it was always dinner and as I said above I like being the gentleman so I always picked up the tab. I totally agree it's so tacky and un-romantic to ask the lady to split. Well it got pretty expensive and I'm not rich by any means so I've started doing as you say, a lunch. a snack or just coffee. No problem picking up the tab there and I've also found it to be more fun. When you think about it the first date is not really a date just a meeting, the second date if it happens now that's a real date. Oh, by the way I've dated some ladies who immediately went for there purse and offered to spit when the bill came and I've been with others who have headed straight for the ladies room when the bill arrived, I've paid in either case but who do you got called again.
 
 
lm124 is offline lm124 Post #8  January 28,2008, 5:50am
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quietman, i believe that shows much more class than the aforementioned tactics. Men need to stop assuming that they make more than the woman they are talking out... I certainly don't mind picking up the check and will offer, in a kind way, or maybe even insist, if it's the second time... but let me make the offer okay? It's kinder and gentler than having it decided for me, as if i''m not yet worth the dollars involved!
 
 
quietman1950 is offline quietman1950 Post #9  January 28,2008, 7:06am
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lm124,53631 wrote :
quietman, i believe that shows much more class than the aforementioned tactics. Men need to stop assuming that they make more than the woman they are talking out... I certainly don't mind picking up the check and will offer, in a kind way, or maybe even insist, if it's the second time... but let me make the offer okay? It's kinder and gentler than having it decided for me, as if i''m not yet worth the dollars involved!
I never assume anything but most of the women I've dated are around my age or younger, middle to late 40's and they have already built a life of their own. Professionals in their own right. So I am careful not to insult by sounding like there is no choice, I usually put it as a request leaving the door open for sharing somewhere down the road. Which also let's the lady know I am interested in seeing her again. I totally agree I wouldn't want anyone deciding for me so I try not to do so for others. So far no lady has insisted on paying/splitiing but if someone does I will do as she asks with pleasure. In return for being a gentleman there have times that I've been rewarded with a candle-lit dinner......at home, very nice indeed
 
 
mikec0921 is offline mikec0921 Post #10  January 28,2008, 7:08am
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I see both sides. I appreciate it when the lady offers to split the tab. If I enjoyed the company I will pay the entire bill myself but if I did not enjoy the company and I have no intention of seeing her again AND she offers to split the check then I will accept.
 
 
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