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dottie4000 dottie4000 is offline
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i like the information above, it will help me in the future, i will admit i was too clingy in my last relationship or i would get upset when my partner didn't call me all day until later on in the evening sometimes, i would scream and yell and get upset, but that was not the way to do. so i will take this information and run with it, it's very helpful

- June 4th, 2009, 08:53 pm
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Whaledriver Whaledriver is offline
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4eversearching wrote :
The one i am dating now , is a definite flirt , and a party girl and looking for the right guy to marry and raise her children with . The flirty/party girl was cute at first cause we had alot of fun . I kind of thought she was just getting out and letting go some . Now that some time has passed , she seems that this she enjoys way too much for my tastes . Its time i sit her down and have that talk we always dread . I know people can change , i did from the way i use to be . But as a single father with custody of my three teens , i dont really like the party scene that much . It was good to get out for a bit and let my hair down , but i wont trade my responsibilities or risk my children seeing this from another parent . They have seen enough . I really like this person , but its hard to know how to approach this ,or maybe just move on. Those are alot of things to swallow all at once . Ever met someone you really enjoy being around and being with , but theres just too much baggage ? That seems to be my position now . Some sound advice would help . Thanks
I would talk with this person to let her know why you are leaving but little else. She needs long-term professional help that you can't provide: the earlier in life she realizes her difficulties, the better.

Don't let her destroy you. Move on. There are too many healthy women that would love getting to know you.
Last edited by Whaledriver; June 13th, 2009 at 05:16 am.
- June 13th, 2009, 05:13 am
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Whaledriver Whaledriver is offline
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After reading the many responses women have written, I am amazed that so many have yet to understand the basic problem that these (and other) female personalities cause men to leave a relationship.

Men are likely to thrive in a relationship where there is good communication, trust-building and the sharing of affection. Anything in a personality that alerts him to a fundamental lack of mutual trust sends danger signals he might never be able to get past. Where anything is out of proportion to the communication, trust and affection he believed that he had with his partner and the more sudden the onset, the more likely he is move on.

If you want anything from a man that isn't one of his priorities, it takes good communication and the maintenance of trust to bring him to adopt changes. Deciding for him never works.
- June 13th, 2009, 06:12 am
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Briolette Briolette is offline
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Whaledriver wrote :
After reading the many responses women have written, I am amazed that so many have yet to understand the basic problem that these (and other) female personalities cause men to leave a relationship.

Men are likely to thrive in a relationship where there is good communication, trust-building and the sharing of affection. Anything in a personality that alerts him to a fundamental lack of mutual trust sends danger signals he might never be able to get past. Where anything is out of proportion to the communication, trust and affection he believed that he had with his partner and the more sudden the onset, the more likely he is move on.

If you want anything from a man that isn't one of his priorities, it takes good communication and the maintenance of trust to bring him to adopt changes. Deciding for him never works.

A la guerre comme a la guerre, Whaledriver?

Probably men should stop taking all women as hunters, gold diggers etc?
Probably it could make some things, including communication between men and women more easy?
- June 13th, 2009, 06:41 am
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mountaingal mountaingal is offline
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lada wrote :
"I haven't dated many divorcees, but the ones that I tend to run from are the ones who crow the most about how much they took their ex's for. "


I can't remeber ever talking to anyone divorced, male or female, who did not feel they got the short end of the stick. In face, if you talk to each one involved in the same divorce, it is hard to correlate the two stories...it is like they each see the other as an enemy. And neither has had to put a monetary value on support, equity or service.

Maybe I'm in the minority here, but it seems to me that if you thought enough of the person to marry him/her in the first place, then why all of a sudden do you view them as your enemy when you are divorced? What does that say about your choice in potential mates?
- June 13th, 2009, 08:14 am
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fiesty_lil_brat fiesty_lil_brat is offline
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ravitkd wrote :
Hey guys, I tell you another characteristic of a woman I cannot stand are those that freak out on you. Most of the women I have dated or have had relationships with have been divorced, and still have scars from it.First, we open up communications, we e-mail each other, call each other, and the woman tells me her pity stories of her divorce and how all she wants to do is meet a nice guy. We have our first date, then after that she does now know what to think because she has never dated a nice guy/gentleman before. So, they freak out and drop off the face of the earth.

OK this is coming from a divorced woman, who I guess you can say has her own "sob" story...

My last relationship was with a woman who has three daughters and two ex husbands. When we had our first date, she said all she wanted was to meet a nice guy. Things went great for the next four months, thenshe goes from saying "I love you" during her lunch hour at work to telling me it's all over that same night. Apparently, she is not fully recovered from her divorce from her ex husband, or so at least that is what she claims.


Here is another amusing one: A couple of weeks ago, I opened up communications with another girl. Once again, the same song and dance story of how bitter her divorce was, and how painful it was. We make plans to have out first date for a week later, we talk almost every evening on the phone, getting to know each other better. I really thought we had some chemistry. Then on a Thursday afternoon, she calls me to reconfirm our date for Friday. All seemed well. Then after I get back from Taekwondo class, there is an e-mail from her saying she has to cancel the date because it was exactly one year ago when she broke up with her ex husband, and the memories are still too fresh.


I know that freaking out is human nature, and its perfectly natural to freakout. Hell, even I freak out every once in a while. But, I don't give into my fears. I believe in giving a person a chance.


So, to all of the divorced women out there, when you meet a nice guy, all I ask is that you please give him a chance and don't freak out!!!!!
If during open communication, the woman starts talking about her divorce and how bad the marriage was, that's a key indicator that she's definitely not ready to move on no matter how ready she says she is. Sob stories mean they still harbor feelings in one way or another and will most likely freak out on you at some point. Your best bet with these is to politely let them down and move onto the next.

This is coming from a divorced woman that has my own "sob" story...

If during the communication stages I am asked about my divorce, I simply let then know that I had specific reasons for leaving, but we are civil now and doing what's best for our child, and leave it at that. If down the line something develops between us and they want to know the details, I'll tell them, but I'm very careful what I say and how I say it because I don't ever want my dates to think I'm comparing them to the ex. And I don't want them to feel like they have an image in my head to live up to.
- June 13th, 2009, 10:24 am
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Briolette Briolette is offline
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4eversearching wrote :
That was interesting . I have been casually dating a woman i really like , but she does fit all these but the cling on and the wind bag . I was in an 18 year marraige ( that should have been a 6 month one ) with a woman that had severe jealousy issues and of course , self esteem problems . She was a very beautiful woman , has been mistaken in larger cities for Drew Barrymore , but inside she felt worthless and ugly no matter what i tried to do to help . It was not in my ability to help her , and she eventually left me for the last time and wound up with a guy that introduced her to drinking , meth and xtc . She of course wound up down to 90 lbs and addicted to meth. Eventually she would find herself in jail and lose everything she has . Its truly sad to see someone choose that path . The one i am dating now , is a definite flirt , and a party girl and looking for the right guy to marry and raise her children with . The flirty/party girl was cute at first cause we had alot of fun . I kind of thought she was just getting out and letting go some . Now that some time has passed , she seems that this she enjoys way too much for my tastes . Its time i sit her down and have that talk we always dread . I know people can change , i did from the way i use to be . But as a single father with custody of my three teens , i dont really like the party scene that much . It was good to get out for a bit and let my hair down , but i wont trade my responsibilities or risk my children seeing this from another parent . They have seen enough . I really like this person , but its hard to know how to approach this ,or maybe just move on. Those are alot of things to swallow all at once . Ever met someone you really enjoy being around and being with , but theres just too much baggage ? That seems to be my position now . Some sound advice would help . Thanks
Hi 4eversearching,
Something tells me that the problem is not in a girl you are dating now, but inside you , because it is you who does not still know exactly what you are looking for in the relationship with a woman.

And sorry, to my humble opinion this prevent you from successful relation, but not women's baggage.

What are your priorities?
If your children, then party girl is not the right choice.

If your feelings, then another matter.

Make your choice first and you will feel much better.
- June 13th, 2009, 10:26 am
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tbesq tbesq is offline
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Briolette wrote :
A la guerre comme a la guerre, Whaledriver?

Probably men should stop taking all women as hunters, gold diggers etc?
Probably it could make some things, including communication between men and women more easy?
There are few men here who characterize all women as being anything. It's just that certain sensitive topics may cloud one's interpretation as to what is really being said. Most men who complain about golddiggers are complaining that they're meeting too many golddiggers, not that all women are golddiggers. In such cases, they have to examine whether they're just going after the wrong women. Just as men are tired of hearing how we're totally visual, are after only one thing, can't communicate effectively etc, can't be faithful, only want Barbie dolls, etc. I know I'm not like that. On these boards I try to help women understand that not all men are this way, but in doing so I'm not invalidating the personal experiences of those women that lead them to those conclusions. I don't allow my desire not to be associated with these traits to blind me to what those women are really trying to say.
Last edited by tbesq; June 13th, 2009 at 10:33 am.
- June 13th, 2009, 10:31 am
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Briolette Briolette is offline
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[quote=tbesq;641021]There are few men here who characterize all women as being anything. It's just that certain sensitive topics may cloud one's interpretation as to what is really being said. Most men who complain about golddiggers are complaining that they're meeting too many golddiggers, not that all women are golddiggers. In such cases, they have to examine whether they're just going after the wrong women. Just as men are tired of hearing how we're totally visual, are after only one thing, can't communicate effectively etc, can't be faithful, only want Barbie dolls, etc. I know I'm not like that. On these boards I try to help women understand that not all men are this way, but in doing so I'm not invalidating the personal experiences of those women that lead them to those conclusions. I don't allow my desire not to be associated with these traits to blind me to what those women are really trying to say.[/quote]

I take my hat off!

But how can you know exactly what women really try to say?
- June 13th, 2009, 10:55 am
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ARealGuy ARealGuy is offline
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Lets fold it in half and call it a taco. If she can't make you happy or you can't make her happy, ring the bell move on. I love a woman who is not afraid to be a woman. She has a brain, a personality. If she can make me laugh, I'm half hers already....

I dated a woman who, by most standers was not beautiful. But I tell you, she had heart and she shined with beauty from the inside. I loved every second with her. She would light up my heart and put a smile on face always. To my regret cancer took her, before I had a chance to make her my wife. But to this day I still cherish the memories of times spent with her. She was a real woman. That was over 20 years ago.

I laugh when I hear a woman who thinks guys only want a hot babe.
While there are those who do, many just want someone real. Someone who is honest and will give as much as they take in a relationship.
- July 5th, 2009, 10:21 pm
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