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technokat technokat is offline
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brownize916 wrote :

lada wrote :


"I haven't dated many divorcees, but the ones that I tend to run from are the ones who crow the most about how much they took their ex's for. "


I can't remeber ever talking to anyone divorced, male or female, who did not feel they got the short end of the stick. In face, if you talk to each one involved in the same divorce, it is hard to correlate the two stories...it is like they each see the other as an enemy. And neither has had to put a monetary value on support, equity or service.


Ah Lada we are out there. I had a very amicable and fair divorce. My ex husband and I are great friends now and parent our children together cooperatively. If someone asks me about my divorce, I do not utter one negative word about my ex and never will. I don't feel good about bad mouthing someone in an effort to make myself look good. Its not who I am.


That being said, I know what you mean and I think its incredibly poor taste for anyone to discuss their divorce and whatever resentment they have towards their ex on a date. Certainly once you enter into a LTR with someone you will talk about your divorce but if I am getting to know someone and he continually complains about his divorce or ex then that will be our last date. I don't want to be a part of that nor do I want to be around someone who is so bitter they can't move forward.
I also had a very amicable divorce. My ex and I are friends, although we don't have much reason to keep up with each other too often. We used to talk more during our separation, just lending support to one another while we dealt with getting our feet on the ground. Financially, the separation was tough for both of us, but I think we both did pretty well.


I know we both were responsible for the break-up of this marriage, so bad-mouthing my ex isn't my M.O. if someone asks about what happened. I will reveal only what I feel is appropriate to reveal.


It could be that people who are still talking about the ex with disdain either have not dealt with the end of the relationship yet or are probably having a hard time taking responsibility for it. Obviously, if there are children involved and the ex is making life difficult, that is a different story, but I wouldn't bring that up with a date until you've been dating for a long while. If the break-up was for reasons of abuse, hopefully the person has sought the kind of caring and considerate therapy to help him or her deal with it. I would steer clear of people with relationship hang-ups.
- July 11th, 2008, 04:19 pm
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melmmo melmmo is offline
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Hey, these are exactly the five types of men I'll avoid. I guess it goes both ways, guys.
- July 12th, 2008, 04:45 pm
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I read this article and it was a non-starter for me. As far as I know there is only 1 kind of woman that men typically avoid. And that is:


Women suffering from "That bitch is crazy" syndrome: If we meet you at a bar - and after 15 minutes (or longer) of conversation we say "whoah. That bitch is CRAZY." Then it might hamper chances for a first date. Or if after the first date we're being stalked, if your looking to shack up, or even giving other women around us nasty glares... it might ruin chances for a second date.


I dunno. I'm just thinking out-loud here. But of the women I've dated, thosewho first ask themselves "Would doing this make me crazy?"... those have been the more enjoyable experiences for me.


;-)
- July 12th, 2008, 04:59 pm
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Uncle Apple Uncle Apple is offline
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I don't mind the cling-on (was that term deliberarately created to soud like Klingon?), long as her intentions are good and include committment and marriage. But I avoid women who are manipulative, deceptive and unreliable. The article forgot to mention them.


Thought for the Day:
A real home is more than just a roof over your heat -- it is a foundation under your feet
- July 13th, 2008, 06:49 pm
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Ok, how do you exit the cling on type, without hurting the person?
- July 14th, 2008, 07:46 am
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ravitkd wrote :

Hey guys, I tell you another characteristic of a woman I cannot stand are those that freak out on you. Most of the women I have dated or have had relationships with have been divorced, and still have scars from it.First, we open up communications, we e-mail each other, call each other, and the woman tells me her pity stories of her divorce and how all she wants to do is meet a nice guy. We have our first date, then after that she does now know what to think because she has never dated a nice guy/gentleman before. So, they freak out and drop off the face of the earth.


My last relationship was with a woman who has three daughters and two ex husbands. When we had our first date, she said all she wanted was to meet a nice guy. Things went great for the next four months, thenshe goes from saying "I love you" during her lunch hour at work to telling me it's all over that same night. Apparently, she is not fully recovered from her divorce from her ex husband, or so at least that is what she claims.


Here is another amusing one: A couple of weeks ago, I opened up communications with another girl. Once again, the same song and dance story of how bitter her divorce was, and how painful it was. We make plans to have out first date for a week later, we talk almost every evening on the phone, getting to know each other better. I really thought we had some chemistry. Then on a Thursday afternoon, she calls me to reconfirm our date for Friday. All seemed well. Then after I get back from Taekwondo class, there is an e-mail from her saying she has to cancel the date because it was exactly one year ago when she broke up with her ex husband, and the memories are still too fresh.


I know that freaking out is human nature, and its perfectly natural to freakout. Hell, even I freak out every once in a while. But, I don't give into my fears. I believe in giving a person a chance.


So, to all of the divorced women out there, when you meet a nice guy, all I ask is that you please give him a chance and don't freak out!!!!!

I have datedmen with different issues but you seem to be drawn to women who are in a state of emotional disrepair. Doesn't that cause you any concern enough to do a self-examination of your own psyche? Do you feel safer approachingthese women because they are less threatening to you? From personal experience, I decided to take time to myself after my divorce to get to know myself again and to let go of the natural anger and sense of betrayal that results from divorces. Plus it would not be fair to the right man should he come along, if I dumped it all on him.


Not dating for a year was the best thing I ever did for myself and I would not trade that self-discovery for anything in the world. If a woman or man still talks frequently and bitterly about the divorce no matter how long ago it was or is still fresh from it, by all that is right, dating that person is nothing more than being predatory on a fragile animal. You should think about that. Notjudging, just observation!


- July 14th, 2008, 08:26 am
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raleighNCsoldier raleighNCsoldier is offline
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the 1 i can't stand is the attention whore. sometimes, she seems cool at first; she laughs a lot, loves music, can hang at the bar after work...but therein lies the irony of the attention whore. the laughing gets louder & annoying, the love for music turns into her staying on the kereoke stage for 6 songs straight & yelling into the mike lol, she hangs out for some drinks after work...sometimes until the bar closes & then calls you at 2:01am to wake up, get outta bed, get dressed & come drive her home. yeah, i've had 2 of those girls in my time & be they 5'6" or 6'2", they were both EXACTLY like i'm describing.
- July 14th, 2008, 10:33 pm
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someone asked if you should run from the lady that doesn't want a romantic relationship but just wants to be your friend. uh, why would you run from that? unless your intentions are so dishonorable that you just can't be friends with a lady because you're only looking to hook up. why would you run from someone that you like that wants to be your friend? doesn't make any sense to me. i get frustrated with this myself. i have a lot of guys pursue me for romance and usually they don't meet my "dating" standards so i let them know right up front thati'm not interested in romance, but i'd be open to friendship. they usually are very agreeable to this and we hang out with groups and i think "great! i've made a new friend!" nothing we do or say is everromantic.but eventually they seem to get frustrated and stop talking to me altogether. it's like they were still hoping by "be friends" i actually meant "date." no, if i wanted to date you i would have said so. i was being honest and said "just be friends" because that's exactly what i wanted. anyway, it's just frustrating as an honest woman that so many men just aren't capable of just being friends. they have hidden expectations.
- July 15th, 2008, 01:51 am
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beatlejuice72 wrote :

eharmonyadvice, wrote :


Men won't give these personalities a second thought.


Good list. Here are some other ones:


1) Rebounder-The woman who is still vulnerable after breaking up with an ex and she falls for you immediately. Then, she immediately wants to break up with you so she can start dating another guy.


2) Art Imitates Life Woman-This is the woman who has seen "Bridget Jones's Diary" and its sequel more times than healthy and believes it to be a microcosm of her life especially with men. The woman who almost seems to live her life vicariously through movie and tv characters.


3) Innocent BiStander-The woman who has "experimented" with both men and women and goes back and forth with no regards.


4) Jane Profane-A woman who uses excessive profanity and uses more "M-F's" than Samuel L. Jackson does in his movies. Now that's a lot!


5) Debbie Downer-The woman who is always depressed and has low self-esteem. Has frequent conversations that wind up going like, "Sometimes I feel like...I don't know."
. . . and they're all interchangeable . . . that's the scary part!
- July 15th, 2008, 02:40 am
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I've met some men like these as well. No offense to the male contingency here, but you gotta know that there's these types of personalities in both genders. Having been involved with a guy with most of these traits, it was a zoo . . . and all the animals were out of their cages. I was clean out of tranquilizer darts. I keep a supply in my purse now
- July 15th, 2008, 02:49 am
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