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brownize916 brownize916 is offline
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lada wrote :

"I haven't dated many divorcees, but the ones that I tend to run from are the ones who crow the most about how much they took their ex's for. "


I can't remeber ever talking to anyone divorced, male or female, who did not feel they got the short end of the stick. In face, if you talk to each one involved in the same divorce, it is hard to correlate the two stories...it is like they each see the other as an enemy. And neither has had to put a monetary value on support, equity or service.
Ah Lada we are out there. I had a very amicable and fair divorce.My ex husband and I are great friends now and parent our children together cooperatively. If someone asks me about my divorce,I do not utter one negative word about my ex and never will. I don't feel good about bad mouthing someone in an effort to make myself look good. Its not who I am.


That being said, I know what you mean and I think its incrediblypoor taste for anyone to discuss their divorce and whatever resentment they have towards their ex on a date. Certainly once you enter into a LTR with someone you will talk about your divorce but if I am getting to know someone and he continually complains about his divorce or ex then that will be our last date. I don't want to be a part of that nor do I want to be around someone who is so bitter they can't move forward.
- July 7th, 2008, 12:06 pm
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Tinderbox Tinderbox is offline
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ravitkd wrote :

Hey guys, I tell you another characteristic of a woman I cannot stand are those that freak out on you. Most of the women I have dated or have had relationships with have been divorced, and still have scars from it. First, we open up communications, we e-mail each other, call each other, and the woman tells me her pity stories of her divorce and how all she wants to do is meet a nice guy. We have our first date, then after that she does now know what to think because she has never dated a nice guy/gentleman before. So, they freak out and drop off the face of the earth.


My last relationship was with a woman who has three daughters and two ex husbands. When we had our first date, she said all she wanted was to meet a nice guy. Things went great for the next four months, then she goes from saying "I love you" during her lunch hour at work to telling me it's all over that same night. Apparently, she is not fully recovered from her divorce from her ex husband, or so at least that is what she claims.


Here is another amusing one: A couple of weeks ago, I opened up communications with another girl. Once again, the same song and dance story of how bitter her divorce was, and how painful it was. We make plans to have out first date for a week later, we talk almost every evening on the phone, getting to know each other better. I really thought we had some chemistry. Then on a Thursday afternoon, she calls me to reconfirm our date for Friday. All seemed well. Then after I get back from Taekwondo class, there is an e-mail from her saying she has to cancel the date because it was exactly one year ago when she broke up with her ex husband, and the memories are still too fresh.


I know that freaking out is human nature, and its perfectly natural to freakout. Hell, even I freak out every once in a while. But, I don't give into my fears. I believe in giving a person a chance.


So, to all of the divorced women out there, when you meet a nice guy, all I ask is that you please give him a chance and don't freak out!!!!!
When this type of budding relationship suddenly doesn't work out, then what can make it a little less painful is to keep in mind that the problem really didn't have anything to do with you. A woman in this state of mind just isn't ready for a new relationship and shouldn't be dating yet.


This is where patience comes in. If it's someone who you think is worth the effort in every other respect, then you will have to tolerate and roll with these episodes that she may have. The good news is that they should diminish over time as she comes to trust you and leaves those unpleasant memories behind in favor of the comfort and happiness of being with you.


The older we get, the less realistic it is to expect to click only with women who have no "baggage" of a previous marriage. But ideally, she's been on her own for long enough after her divorce that she has gained confidence standing on her own feet, has reacquainted herself with her true self, and knows better now what she wants in life and in a man. Assuming that she has smarts and character to begin with, then the upside of being with a woman like this is that she now has better judgment as well. If she chooses to be with you then that's a good sign that you're portraying a more mature and stable prospect to the world at large. Those are qualities that are attractive to any woman who's grown out of her party-girl phase of life.
- July 7th, 2008, 01:01 pm
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This one is for both sexes - The Hypochondriac.


Nothing is more tiresome then someone who talks ad nauseum about his/her health, and belly aches about every little nick and scrap, headache, stubbed toe. They want a 'nurse' or 'paramedic' on 'stand-by' - not a partner.


Yuck.
- July 7th, 2008, 02:13 pm
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pinz wrote :

This one is for both sexes - The Hypochondriac.


Nothing is more tiresome then someone who talks ad nauseum about his/her health, and belly aches about every little nick and scrap, headache, stubbed toe. They want a 'nurse' or 'paramedic' on 'stand-by' - not a partner.


Yuck.
AGREED!!! Last guy I dated was the biggest baby on the planet...a little sniffle put him out of commission for 10 days, and he was on the phone with his mommy constantly....talk about a turn off!


- July 7th, 2008, 02:42 pm
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1) An insecure woman/ emotionally needy and extremely jealous and suspicious without cause and has a history of numerous bad relationships.


2) A woman who is vainabout her appearance --narcissistic and self-centered


3) A woman critical ofothers and makes herself the standard of perfection (criticizes people of different ethnic groups or a racist)


(4) A woman who uses sex as the only measure of a healthy relationship (remember the word "measurement")


5) A woman who is beautiful , but has no tact, loud, insensitiveto others feelings, uneducated and just plain stupid
- July 7th, 2008, 09:17 pm
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beatlejuice72 wrote :

5) Debbie Downer-The woman who is always depressed and has low self-esteem. Has frequent conversations that wind up going like, "Sometimes I feel like...I don't know."
And a variant of Debbie Downer, which is...


6) Weight-obsessed Wendy. Caught in a vicious cycle, she's an emotional eater who overeats when she's depressed, which serves only to fuel her depression and her dissatisfaction with her body image. She explodes into tears at any conversation which even vaguely touches upon her weight, which she guards more closely than the combination to Fort Knox. She is frequently an Anorexic Anne or Bulimic Betty as well.


A Weight-obsessed Wendy becomes nothing but a frustration: men can see what she needs to do to break the cycle of overeating and depression, but attempts to encourage her in that direction are interpreted as criticism and rejection, and thus merely fuel the cycle.


Men can have a hard time detecting a Weight-obsessed Wendy—because virtually all women are sensitive about their weight to some degree, it's a topic that usually doesn't come up until there's an established relationship. But once a man has been through a Weight-obsessed Wendy, he'll be on the lookout for them in the future, and will drop them like a hot potato as soon as he sees them coming.
- July 7th, 2008, 09:26 pm
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pinz wrote :

This one is for both sexes - The Hypochondriac.


Nothing is more tiresome then someone who talks ad nauseum about his/her health, and belly aches about every little nick and scrap, headache, stubbed toe. They want a 'nurse' or 'paramedic' on 'stand-by' - not a partner.


Yuck.
This one is a cousin to the Debbie Downer.
- July 8th, 2008, 04:11 pm
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ravitkd wrote :

Hey guys, I tell you another characteristic of a woman I cannot stand are those that freak out on you. Most of the women I have dated or have had relationships with have been divorced, and still have scars from it.First, we open up communications, we e-mail each other, call each other, and the woman tells me her pity stories of her divorce and how all she wants to do is meet a nice guy. We have our first date, then after that she does now know what to think because she has never dated a nice guy/gentleman before. So, they freak out and drop off the face of the earth.
I tend to run into these a lot, too.


She's decided she's done with the 'bad boys', but inside she just doesn't know what to do about being treated well yet. So she looks for the guy that does non-mainstream things (my flying and motorcycle apply here), but has a decent job and other 'trappings' of 'nice guy'. But deep inside she still has all the reasons that drove her to bad boys in the first place. I'll lead the date and otherwise behave as a gentle-man, but she gets all nervous and skittish without a man actually dominating her, or being overtly rude.


It's gotten to the point that I can tell on the first date if she's one of these, just from the questions she asks and how utterly confused she is when I open a car door or -gasp- ask her opinion about something. Usually these women are so used to a man talking only about himself that they've developed little in the way of first-date conversation skills. Getting a conversation going is like pulling teeth, and you can see the panicked "why does he want to know about me?" look come over her face almost immediately.


These days I've managed to start weeding these out even before we actually go out on a first date. Which is great, since this type of woman is not for me.
- July 8th, 2008, 04:30 pm
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how about the girls who don't give you the time of day, yet act as a friend? pursue or retreat?
- July 8th, 2008, 07:54 pm
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Oh please! As long as she has a hot body, men don't care what "type" she is.
- July 10th, 2008, 10:35 pm
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