No time for the following date?


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SuperBee30 is offline SuperBee30 Post #1  February 22,2012, 8:06am
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Seems like it happens over & over again. Had a great date, asked her out on a following date & says yes to my offer, but........when it comes to making plans for a following date, it seems like they couldn't make it happen even if their life depended on it! Never had a problem when it came to setting up the first date though.

I get all kinds of reasons, school, work, spending time with family or friends, going out of town, doing this or that.........but then again everybody is busy! Any thoughts on why some people act like that? Apart from playing games! Poor time management? Dating is at the bottom of the barrel in their lives?

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dmi is online now dmi Post #2  February 22,2012, 8:20am
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If you're asking them for a 2nd date face to face, some women will say yes (or something dressed up like a positive response that isn't actually one like "sounds fun") rather than face potentially ugly confrontation, then avoid you after that. Just realize that if they make excuses or fail to return calls, they probably weren't interested or thought about it more after saying yes and changed their mind. It happens, just move on.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #3  February 22,2012, 8:20am
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SuperBee30 wrote :
then again everybody is busy!
That's easy to say, cliche even, but some people are more busy than others.

wrote :
Any thoughts on why some people act like that? Apart from playing games! Poor time management? Dating is at the bottom of the barrel in their lives?
None of the above. Good time management! You are at the bottom of the barrel in their lives. If dating were at the bottom of the barrel in their lives, you wouldn't have easily gotten that first date. Focus on those who have or make time for you.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #4  February 22,2012, 8:37am
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SuperBee30 wrote :
Seems like it happens over & over again. Had a great date, asked her out on a following date & says yes to my offer, but........when it comes to making plans for a following date, it seems like they couldn't make it happen even if their life depended on it! Never had a problem when it came to setting up the first date though.

I get all kinds of reasons, school, work, spending time with family or friends, going out of town, doing this or that.........but then again everybody is busy! Any thoughts on why some people act like that? Apart from playing games! Poor time management? Dating is at the bottom of the barrel in their lives?

Thanks!
I don't think the majority of people are trying to play games...as mentioned, there are those that do not like turning someone down face to face...especially if you are asking them out again at night, in the parking lot, on the way to their car. I still don't think it's the right way to handle it, but I can understand it...

It has nothing to do with any of the above excuses you mentioned, it's just that they are not interested in you romantically...They tried it out on the first date, and it just wasn't a match.

It's a shame that everyone can't immediately just say politely at the end of the date either way...but some people need to think about it the next day or so and could be on the fence...

It all boils down to if she is not accepting another date, than "she's just not that into you".. Don't continue to keep calling/text/email after you ask them...just move on.
Last edited by Ingytravel; February 22,2012 at 9:03am.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  February 22,2012, 8:51am
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Learn to recognize when you are being passively rejected. If you made a couple of attempts to schedule a second date and every time were given the she is so busy excuse without her making any concrete effort to set a date and time that actually does work for her, then you are being rejected. There is a big difference between the "I'm going to be out of town next week, but I'll be available on Tuesday the following week." (she is interested) and "Oh, well I'm going out of town for a week, then I have a cousin's wedding, then I have to wash my hair, then I need to rearrange my closet, then...." (she is hoping you'll get the hint and get lost).
 
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suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #6  February 22,2012, 8:54am
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There is a very simple explanation. Women are socialized to be nice, and it's not "nice" to say to someone's face "I don't want to go out with you again." I'm not saying it's right, just that it is.

How frequently does this happen to you? If your answer is 80% of your attempts or less, then we are talking about a simple case of exactly what I said above. If we are talking about 90-95%+ of the time, there is likely something you are doing on those first dates that is making women think that you are a nice guy but not boyfriend material. The first is just the way it is, the second is indicative of something you could probably change to be more successful.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  February 22,2012, 9:04am
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Most women (maybe men too, I don't date men and have not often had a woman ask me out) will say they are interested in another date whether they really are or not. If when you try to set up a date they are not equally engaged in making the date happen then just move on quickly. They are obviously not very interested in either you or dating in general or both.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  February 22,2012, 9:05am
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suzyblueeyes wrote :
There is a very simple explanation. Women are socialized to be nice, and it's not "nice" to say to someone's face "I don't want to go out with you again." I'm not saying it's right, just that it is.
So what you are saying is that women are trained to be rude?

How frequently does this happen to you? If your answer is 80% of your attempts or less, then we are talking about a simple case of exactly what I said above. If we are talking about 90-95%+ of the time, there is likely something you are doing on those first dates that is making women think that you are a nice guy but not boyfriend material. The first is just the way it is, the second is indicative of something you could probably change to be more successful.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  February 22,2012, 9:10am
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shapeShifter79 wrote :
That's easy to say, cliche even, but some people are more busy than others.
I am firmly of the opinion that you make time for what is important to you. If you are too "busy" to date me then I am not as important to you as your work, your friends, your hobbies or whatever else it is that is making you too "busy". I am not going to waste my time or yours, I will move on to someone who is actually interested in dating me.
(generic "you" used above)

None of the above. Good time management! You are at the bottom of the barrel in their lives. If dating were at the bottom of the barrel in their lives, you wouldn't have easily gotten that first date. Focus on those who have or make time for you.
 
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suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #10  February 22,2012, 9:14am
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Women aren't trained to be rude, and looking at it like that is just making yourself more miserable. It's one of those things you learn from growing up with women. From an average woman's point of view, telling a man she doesn't want to go out with him is significantly more rude than just gracefully fading away.

Like I said, I am not making any judgments as to whether this is right or not. Nor am I saying this is true of myself or every woman. Most women probably wouldn't admit it's true. However, it is absolutely true that for most women the idea of rejecting someone to their faces is feels significantly harsher than just poofing.
 
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