Take a look at your ex's profile...


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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #1  February 21,2012, 10:04pm
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... would you have dated them if that had been their profile?
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  February 21,2012, 10:10pm
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I was able to read by then boyfriend's profile on Match a couple of years ago. I didn't pay much attention to the details, other than noting some spelling errors. His profile has changed little since then. He recently started using Match again, and from what I can see, the same spelling errors are there.

So, I wondered if I had been willing to meet him based on what he has written in his profile (He has no photos). It just happened that we met in real life and not online. I'm a bit on the fence about it. He has a lot of the qualities I'm looking for, but doesn't present himself in the best way on his profile.
 
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boomer_gal is online now boomer_gal Post #3  February 21,2012, 11:38pm
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I have to laugh on this one! Yeah, my ex looked really good "on paper" (or the internet version of paper). His tag line, "Respect & honesty are the keys to a healthy relationship" sure made him sound like someone you might want to meet. But then I remembered that this was the man that spent the kids' college fund at hostess bars. The same guy that another women took out a restraining order against right around the time we were filing for divorce. I sure hope no other woman fell for that respect & honesty line of bull. I wished I could post something on the site to warn women to stay away.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  February 22,2012, 10:21am
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AndieIsMe wrote :
I was able to read by then boyfriend's profile on Match a couple of years ago. I didn't pay much attention to the details, other than noting some spelling errors. His profile has changed little since then. He recently started using Match again, and from what I can see, the same spelling errors are there.

So, I wondered if I had been willing to meet him based on what he has written in his profile (He has no photos). It just happened that we met in real life and not online. I'm a bit on the fence about it. He has a lot of the qualities I'm looking for, but doesn't present himself in the best way on his profile.
I think that there are some "lessons" in your post.
1) You met the guy IRL, therefore you based your initial interest on looks. That is all you have in the very beginning when you meet someone IRL. I rather suspect that since he had no photos on his profile that had you been meeting him through an online dating site that you would have just passed him right on by.
2) When you did read his Match profile what you noticed was spelling errors and you did not read for content. I think this says something that is very common, when we like someone we tend to ignore small red flags.
3) It is very difficult for most people to write a good profile. It is a little easier on eHarmony because of the structured profile and the limited space. On Match where the profile is free form it is more difficult because most people are reluctant to blow their own horn.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  February 22,2012, 10:34am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
I think that there are some "lessons" in your post.
1) You met the guy IRL, therefore you based your initial interest on looks. That is all you have in the very beginning when you meet someone IRL. I rather suspect that since he had no photos on his profile that had you been meeting him through an online dating site that you would have just passed him right on by.
2) When you did read his Match profile what you noticed was spelling errors and you did not read for content. I think this says something that is very common, when we like someone we tend to ignore small red flags.
3) It is very difficult for most people to write a good profile. It is a little easier on eHarmony because of the structured profile and the limited space. On Match where the profile is free form it is more difficult because most people are reluctant to blow their own horn.
Eh, kinda.

We just happened to sit next to each other at the bar. The guy my friend met that night (also has the same first name as my ex) was buying us drinks and he chose that spot for us. We mainly sat talking at the bar (one slow dance) and he asked for my number when we were leaving. He pursued. I held back because he was going through a divorce and no matter how handsome a guy is, divorce trumps looks.

I didn't read much of his profile (then) because I didn't need to. He just wanted to show it to me. That isn't to say the content wasn't "good", it just wasn't something I needed to read because he and I were already dating.

I agree that it is very hard for (most) people to write profiles. His isn't horrible, it just strikes me as one that I would have to think about, especially with no photos.
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #6  February 22,2012, 10:41am
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I've never had this experience. Interesting.

I met all of my recent exes (last 3 years) online so I did see their profiles or we wouldn't have met. Before that I was married for 12 years and before that (circa mid-90s) there was no online dating, at least not as we know it now, so I would never have seen a profile of an ex.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  February 22,2012, 10:55am
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ISN, if you happen upon the profile of an ex of yours, think about it. Would you actually agree to meet the person described in that profile today?
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #8  February 22,2012, 11:04am
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AndieIsMe wrote :
ISN, if you happen upon the profile of an ex of yours, think about it. Would you actually agree to meet the person described in that profile today?
I will think about it. I think this is an interesting concept, if only because I'm curious how I would answer. I guess I'll have to actually make a profile on a dating site someday (other than eH which I just cancelled) if I am to run across an ex's profile! lol
 
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mitchell175 is offline mitchell175 Post #9  February 22,2012, 12:53pm
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I was browsing on POF the other day (I set up a profile over there a while ago, but have never made it public) and I ran across the profile of one of the guys that I went on a few dates with last summer. I had met him from OK Cupid, and his profile on POF was clipped directly from OKC - the formatting was a little "clumsy" for POF because OKC has little "sections" to fill out, while POF is just an open box like on Match.

I remember that I had really liked his profile on OKC, and that's why I contacted him there in the first place. I don't know if that profile swayed me to think he was different than he really was, but he always seemed to say one thing but do/mean another. I finally realized that he was stringing me along, and I felt a nice sense of closure that I was done with him.

When I came across his profile on POF, I thought: "Lies. All lies." If I didn't know he was really a jerk I would have thought it sounded great.
 
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Faraday is online now Faraday Post #10  February 22,2012, 12:59pm
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I was matched (on Match) with my most recent eH ex...and most of it was lies! Lol. It's interesting to read the profile AFTER you get to know someone.
 
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