When two non-callers date


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Holdyourcolor is offline Holdyourcolor Post #1  February 12,2012, 6:38pm
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I've been on two dates thus far (and confirmed for a third) with someone I met on eH (I'm 29, she's 24). However, things are moving rather slowly. It's been about two and a half months since she initiated communication with me. The thing is, we live about 2 hours apart, one way, and I'm only available Sundays, but she had things to do a few Sundays in a row, so that means no dates for a few weeks. We are both non-callers, and prefer texting. While things escalated a bit from date 1 to date 2 (more talking, a bit a flirting), my bigger concern is our communication pattern between dates. I always tend to initiate a text conversation, but let that go for a bit to see if she would initiate and to gauge her interest. To my surprise, a week went by before getting an initiation text. Also, I tend to get short replies. Sometimes one word replies. While sometimes I want to seek more info and open her up more, I don't want to seem pushy. So at this point, I'm confused on what her thoughts are or where we might be going. Any insight is appreciated.
 
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emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #2  February 12,2012, 7:41pm
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Sorry, but she doesn't sound interested in you at all. Since you are rarely available to date and never call her, she doesn't have to deal with the unpleasantness of actually telling you that. She's probably hoping you'll figure it out...

So to answer your question, it's going nowhere. The issue isn't non-calling. The issue is no interest.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #3  February 12,2012, 7:43pm
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Holdyourcolor wrote :
I've been on two dates thus far (and confirmed for a third) with someone I met on eH (I'm 29, she's 24). However, things are moving rather slowly. It's been about two and a half months since she initiated communication with me. The thing is, we live about 2 hours apart, one way, and I'm only available Sundays, but she had things to do a few Sundays in a row, so that means no dates for a few weeks. We are both non-callers, and prefer texting. While things escalated a bit from date 1 to date 2 (more talking, a bit a flirting), my bigger concern is our communication pattern between dates. I always tend to initiate a text conversation, but let that go for a bit to see if she would initiate and to gauge her interest. To my surprise, a week went by before getting an initiation text. Also, I tend to get short replies. Sometimes one word replies. While sometimes I want to seek more info and open her up more, I don't want to seem pushy. So at this point, I'm confused on what her thoughts are or where we might be going. Any insight is appreciated.
Why would you expect someone to open up, when the both of you barely talk to each other? Who do you know who writes long texts? LOL Texting is designed to keep messages short and to the point. Seems like the both of you are having a twitter affair and I honestly don't see either of you progressing to the next level, if neither of you are willing to open up the lines of communication.

Have either of you considered using Skype's video messaging? Or if you have a smartphone, download the Tango application and try talking to each other occassionally while looking at each other? What about exchanging emails?

Lastly, the distance factor plus limited communication is defnitely going to put a stain in your acquainanceship. Unless either of you is willing to have a nice phone chat and discuss how you all are going to communicate on a consistent basis, then my recommendation is to find someone who lives closer to you(within a 50 mile or less radius), that way you can at least take a ride to visit and vice versa instead of relying on a limited means of communication and guessing where you stand with someone.

B.Y.
 
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Holdyourcolor is offline Holdyourcolor Post #4  February 12,2012, 8:34pm
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BabyYoda wrote :
Why would you expect someone to open up, when the both of you barely talk to each other? Who do you know who writes long texts?
B.Y.
By open up, I don't mean tell me your life story. I mean having to say a tad more than "good" when I ask how the day has been. A "good, I went grocery shopping, took a nap, and did homework" would be a sufficient starting reply to keep the conversation going. I'm sure that's not considered a long text, and it surely doesn't sound like a whole lot to ask for.

emma_hazards wrote :
Sorry, but she doesn't sound interested in you at all. Since you are rarely available to date and never call her, she doesn't have to deal with the unpleasantness of actually telling you that. She's probably hoping you'll figure it out..."
Hmmm.. so you're saying she doesn't have the courage to tell me up front of her lack of interest? I mean, we are 2 hours away each way. I don't know why she would rather drive that far rather than telling me up front. Such a waste of money and time. I'm considering alternate explanations: Newbie online dater (she did mention she's been on eH for 3 months, and seems rather inexperienced), or likes her space (wants to take things slow).
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  February 12,2012, 8:34pm
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BY makes a good point. If you don't like phoning, why not try Skype.

Though, I tend to agree with emma that the woman isn't interested. Your schedule plus your lack of communication makes it nearly impossible for any relationship to have a chance to grow.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #6  February 12,2012, 9:09pm
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tink333 wrote :
BY makes a good point. If you don't like phoning, why not try Skype.

Though, I tend to agree with emma that the woman isn't interested. Your schedule plus your lack of communication makes it nearly impossible for any relationship to have a chance to grow.
I don't believe his lady friend isn't interested. The problem is that neither of them know how to effectively communicate. They communicate best in person, if that. Neither of them likes phone chatting and phone chatting is a huge part of long distance dating. No person text extended messages, so with the OP and his friend creating communication limitations on top of their distance limitations, no wonder the OP is in his delimma.

So, I would not conclude that either of them lacks interest. They just have personalities that makes it difficult to share their feelings and effectively communicate, which is fixable.

B.Y.
Last edited by BabyYoda; February 12,2012 at 9:13pm.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #7  February 12,2012, 11:33pm
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In her eyes this isnt a priority because of the distance and the lack of communication.

You are option C or D to her when it comes to doing things because she sees the distance and your lack of availability a major issue.

If she was interested in you your test would have shown her texting you to show her interest.

also why cant you talk on the pohone...what is the issue?
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #8  February 13,2012, 1:44am
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BabyYoda wrote :
I don't believe his lady friend isn't interested. The problem is that neither of them know how to effectively communicate. They communicate best in person, if that. Neither of them likes phone chatting and phone chatting is a huge part of long distance dating. No person text extended messages, so with the OP and his friend creating communication limitations on top of their distance limitations, no wonder the OP is in his delimma.

So, I would not conclude that either of them lacks interest. They just have personalities that makes it difficult to share their feelings and effectively communicate, which is fixable.

B.Y.
BY - you have a good point, though, I'm not sure how this relationship can develop without them finding creative ways to communicate. I agree that texting is not practical. I hate it when my daughter (23) texts me long messages and expects I will answer her in kind. Skype video is probably their best bet, and if that is not an option for them, then they might want to try to become comfortable with phone calls.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #9  February 13,2012, 2:37am
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Holdyourcolor wrote :
I've been on two dates thus far (and confirmed for a third) with someone I met on eH (I'm 29, she's 24). However, things are moving rather slowly. It's been about two and a half months since she initiated communication with me. The thing is, we live about 2 hours apart, one way, and I'm only available Sundays, but she had things to do a few Sundays in a row, so that means no dates for a few weeks. We are both non-callers, and prefer texting. While things escalated a bit from date 1 to date 2 (more talking, a bit a flirting), my bigger concern is our communication pattern between dates. I always tend to initiate a text conversation, but let that go for a bit to see if she would initiate and to gauge her interest. To my surprise, a week went by before getting an initiation text. Also, I tend to get short replies. Sometimes one word replies. While sometimes I want to seek more info and open her up more, I don't want to seem pushy. So at this point, I'm confused on what her thoughts are or where we might be going. Any insight is appreciated.
Pushy isn't what you're doing...at all.
You're too passive.
You said she initiated and now you're letting her dictate everything. You're simply not going to maintain her interest at the snail's pace you've set.
Pick.
Up.
The.
Phone.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #10  February 13,2012, 4:41am
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Holdyourcolor wrote :
By open up, I don't mean tell me your life story. I mean having to say a tad more than "good" when I ask how the day has been. A "good, I went grocery shopping, took a nap, and did homework" would be a sufficient starting reply to keep the conversation going. I'm sure that's not considered a long text, and it surely doesn't sound like a whole lot to ask for.



Hmmm.. so you're saying she doesn't have the courage to tell me up front of her lack of interest? I mean, we are 2 hours away each way. I don't know why she would rather drive that far rather than telling me up front. Such a waste of money and time. I'm considering alternate explanations: Newbie online dater (she did mention she's been on eH for 3 months, and seems rather inexperienced), or likes her space (wants to take things slow).
Sorry, I'm going to have to agree w/ Emma on this one. She's not that interested in you. You can alternate the explanation all day long, it's not going to change anything. If she is driving to see you every time, she may well be just doing so to fill time. Her interest level may be dictated by your seeming lack of enthusiasm, as well (that you don't call and don't make more effort to see her in person). And, FWIW, we girls who are really interested, don't take things slow...
 
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