EccentricAmbiguity is online now EccentricAmbiguity Post #1  February 12,2012, 5:42pm
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Hi all...so I dated someone for a few months and ended it in early December because I realized at that point I would never feel as passionately towards him as I wanted. Although I think he is a great guy, very kind, highly intelligent and many other great characterstics. He was very hurt when I ended it. Out of the blue he wrote me an email this morning...short and sweet...asking how I am and saying he is still not over me at all. I don't want to be rude and ignore him...it seems like a mean thing to do. I think he is a great person...but I don't want to lead him on by writing back. Thoughts?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  February 12,2012, 5:52pm
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I hope I am more than a "great guy, very kind, highly intelligent and many other great characterstics," since it is evidently not enough to warrant a reply.

As much as I hate to say it, I think no response may be the best.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #3  February 12,2012, 5:53pm
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EccentricAmbiguity wrote :
Hi all...so I dated someone for a few months and ended it in early December because I realized at that point I would never feel as passionately towards him as I wanted. Although I think he is a great guy, very kind, highly intelligent and many other great characterstics. He was very hurt when I ended it. Out of the blue he wrote me an email this morning...short and sweet...asking how I am and saying he is still not over me at all. I don't want to be rude and ignore him...it seems like a mean thing to do. I think he is a great person...but I don't want to lead him on by writing back. Thoughts?
It is not leading someone on by responding with a courtesy email. You can also reply with a short, yet sweet and polite email telling him that your day is going well as well as stating that you hope his year is going well so far. If you don't want to start a continuous email exchange, then politely express this sentiment. Tell him that you don't mind keeping in touch from time to time and wish him luck with his future romantic endeavors. Or, you can simply tell him that you appreciate him thinking of you, but perhaps it would be in the both of your interest if the both of you will cease all contact for you don't want to enable past feelings. Basically, write something along those lines.

In all, it is courteous to respond to a friend as well as being honest with a friend. He will have to learn to get over you and move on at some point. If he can't respect your request to keep things on a platonic level, then it would be best if the both of you not speak again and at that point, cease responding to him.

It is your choice.

B.Y.
Last edited by BabyYoda; February 12,2012 at 6:23pm.
 
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NikkNakk is offline NikkNakk Post #4  February 12,2012, 5:55pm
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I kind of feel bad for the guy. How do you know after a few months of dating that you cant feel as passionate about him as you want? Are you looking for something instant? The guy is probably emailing you because he does not feel a sense of closure from you since you told him he was all these great things. He is probably asking himself what happened still.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #5  February 12,2012, 6:02pm
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I think you should share the fact that you still feel the way you did in December. If you don't respond he might think you never got the email and try to contact you again.
 
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Holdyourcolor is offline Holdyourcolor Post #6  February 12,2012, 6:08pm
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A kind reply reaffirming your position isn't leading him on. He's probably just hoping you changed your mind or are reconsidering. If you haven't changed your mind, let him know. I'd must rather have a reply with the truth than no response. But I sense that there's another side to this guy. I mean, you describe him as a wonderful guy, yet you decided to stop seeing him. I mean, did he fall short on some important aspect? That's what I'm wondering about.
 
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upstategirl is offline upstategirl Post #7  February 12,2012, 6:20pm
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BabyYoda wrote :
It is not leading someone on by responding with a courtesy email. You can also reply with a short, yet sweet and polite email telling him that your day is going well as well as stating that he hope his year is going well so far. If you don't want to start a continuous email exchange, then politely express this sentiment. Tell him that you don't mind keeping in touch from time to time and wish him luck with his future romantic endeavors. Or, you can simply tell him that you appreciate him thinking of you, but perhaps it would be in the both of your interest if the both of you will cease all contact for you don't want to enable past feelings. Basically, write something along those lines.

In all, it is courteous to respond to a friend as well as being honest with a friend. He will have to learn to get over you and move on at some point. If he can't respect your request to keep things on a platonic level, then it would be best if the both of you not speak again and at that point, cease responding to him.

It is your choice.

B.Y.

Yes, respond to his email.
I think B.Y. has some very good advice about what to write in your response email.
 
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emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #8  February 12,2012, 7:29pm
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The fact that he e-mailed you to tell you he's not over you, means that he's struggling. Send him a brief note telling him that it's over, and there is no possibility of the two of you dating again. That it's best if you don't communicate. It seems cruel, but it really is the best thing you could do to help him move on.
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  February 12,2012, 7:38pm
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I agree with the others that you should respond but that you should word your message as kindly and succinctly as possible. Since he mentioned he is still not over you, you should let him know that your feelings have not changed and that you don't want to continue communicating as it might make him feel led on. I believe even a negative response is better than ignoring him.
 
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EccentricAmbiguity is online now EccentricAmbiguity Post #10  February 12,2012, 8:00pm
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So my thought was similar to many of your responses. I don't want to ignore him, but I also know how painful it is to have a feeling that communication...any communication....is a sign that we could have something. I will write him back wishing him well and keep it friendly but neutral.
To those of you who asked what it was I couldn't get past or why I didn't stay with him if he were all the great things I listed. Well...I guess there was a lack of attraction..I didn't get particularly excited when I heard from him...I didn't count the minutes or even days until we met up again. Some nights if we couldn't connect I was almost a little relieved. I knew after a while that it was not fair to keep this going with him.
 
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