Guys does it insult you when a girl offer's to pay?


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Travelchick is offline Travelchick Post #1  February 12,2012, 4:19pm
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We've been on a few dates and he always wants to pay. I'm used to paying my way for everything but I always offer. I have succeed a few times.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #2  February 12,2012, 5:11pm
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Travelchick wrote :
We've been on a few dates and he always wants to pay. I'm used to paying my way for everything but I always offer. I have succeed a few times.
It isn't an insult if a woman offers to pay, so long as she is being genuine about said offer and isn't doing so as a test to see if I will pay or used as a means to decide if I am dateworthy or not.

I think in this day and age, all parties involved should pay or take turns. It is ok for the man to start off paying during the beginning stages of courtship, but after rapport has been established, it is ok for the woman to pay sometimes.

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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #3  February 12,2012, 5:33pm
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If he's insulted you'll be able to tell by how he responds.

If you're insulted when he pays he'll be able to tell too.
 
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NikkNakk is offline NikkNakk Post #4  February 12,2012, 6:02pm
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In the early stages of dating I do not offer to pay for the whole thing, but offer to pay at least my half. I do not expect a man to pay for me the first couple of dates either. Once we are in a relationship or dating I will offer to pay for the whole thing.
 
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myusernamehere is online now myusernamehere Post #5  February 12,2012, 6:04pm
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No. I consider it a good thing if a women was willing to pay her half.
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #6  February 12,2012, 6:36pm
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Not insulted, but, on a first date if a woman insists on paying, it is usually a sign of disinterest. If you want to see someone again, I'd recommend offering to pay on the first date, but, if they say something like "my treat" drop it.

After that, if you feel more comfortable with a balanced division of costs, just say "my treat" for the second date.
 
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DaLocman is offline DaLocman Post #7  February 12,2012, 7:24pm
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I don't agree, that a woman offering to pay for herself or both, on a first meet or date is a sign of dis-interest. That sounds more like a rumor started by some dating book or guru.

That would mean it's all about the money, and I'm not interested in that idea. If the woman is saying she's disinterested, then one should let it be and appreciate that she went out with you.

If she likes me, then it's not going to be about the money and whether I paid or she did. I would certainly be saying my treat on the next time though.

I wouldn't consider it insulting. Depending who she is in my life, I might object politely, but if she insists, I'm not going to push the point, and let her contribute.

Early dating shouldn't be about generosity, because truly being generous means you want nothing in return. Obviously we all want one thing or another from it.
 
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meanminicooper is offline meanminicooper Post #8  February 12,2012, 7:28pm
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Let the guy pay for the first couple of dates. This is normal and any reasonable man wont mind this dynamic. If you insist on paying for a date, then invite him out but have the date pre-paid or pre-arranged so he has no choice. All it takes is a phone call to the restaurant or slipping away mid-dinner to give your card to a manager/hostess to take care of the bill.

It doesn't insult me at all. The last date I was on was a 2nd date, and she offered to contribute and without even making eye contact, while looking at the bill, I said: "absolutely not" Looked up at her and smiled and she smiled back.
 
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DaLocman is offline DaLocman Post #9  February 12,2012, 7:42pm
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meanminicooper wrote :
Let the guy pay for the first couple of dates. This is normal and any reasonable man wont mind this dynamic. If you insist on paying for a date, then invite him out but have the date pre-paid or pre-arranged so he has no choice. All it takes is a phone call to the restaurant or slipping away mid-dinner to give your card to a manager/hostess to take care of the bill.

It doesn't insult me at all. The last date I was on was a 2nd date, and she offered to contribute and without even making eye contact, while looking at the bill, I said: "absolutely not" Looked up at her and smiled and she smiled back.
So instead of discussing how the dynamic at how you will conduct your dating will progress, you suggest a woman just go behind her mans' back and pre-pay things??

It would be a flattering gift if this happened now and then, where she paid in full. But if she paid her half only in that particular fashion, it would strike me wrong. Like I said before, dating is a two-way street. There's no communication in that action.

It is not unreasonable to find out the character of those you date.
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #10  February 12,2012, 7:45pm
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dmi wrote :
Not insulted, but, on a first date if a woman insists on paying, it is usually a sign of disinterest. If you want to see someone again, I'd recommend offering to pay on the first date, but, if they say something like "my treat" drop it.

After that, if you feel more comfortable with a balanced division of costs, just say "my treat" for the second date.
I don't believe if a woman pays even on the first date that it is a sign of disinterest. I'm not sure where you got this idea, but in my gut it feels wrong. I've often paid for the first date and shared expenses on subsequent dates with men with whom I am interested.

Honestly, I don't think anyone can gauge a women's interest by looking at whether/when she pays for dates. There are so many other cues from which a person can glean information - like body language, what she says (and doesn't say), that her offer to pay (even on the first date) might be a sign of generosity and interest. I'd be sad if a guy closed me solely based on the fact that I offered to pay for the first date.
 
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