Confused about date #2


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bibittyboo is offline bibittyboo Post #1  February 8,2012, 8:47pm
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A few weeks ago I posted about a guy who I met on public transit and waited a month to contact me. We went on our first date on 1/29. It was a great date, the conversation was easy, we have a lot in common. I was really digging him, and he seemed interested in me-- he made suggestions for future dates (however, no specific plans were made) and he went for the kiss.

So we texted back and forth a bit after our date. The last sequence being:
Me: when can we get together again?
Him: I'm free any night after 5
Me: how about Tuesday or Wednesday?

This was Saturday. He did not respond until today at 5:00. He said: sorry for not keeping in touch. Things have been crazy. Are you still free tonight?

Well, I wasn't free and I honestly wasn't sure if I was going to contact him again. If he had asked me a week ago if I wanted a second date I would have been jumping up and down with excitement. But now I'm wondering if he is even actually interested in me.

I did end up calling him back(not texting- obviously texts are not the way to get in contact with this guy). I figured it couldn't hurt to go out with him again. We are meeting tomorrow night. The thing is, if tomorrow goes well, I don't know if I can handle this whole lack of communication thing. I am a pretty independent person, and have never had an issue like this before. However, this guy just has a hold on me. Any advice on how to approach date #2. Do I bring up his lack of communication?
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #2  February 8,2012, 9:46pm
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You can ask about his schedule during a conversation without interrogating the guy. If he tells you that he has a lot on his plate, then that would be a cue for you to not get caught up with this guy.

My concern with you is why are you spending all of your energy with one guy? Do you have other guys that may be of interest? This guy senses that he has a hold of you and is playing the game very well. If you act like he isn't as important to you and not be as accessible to him, then he may come around and communicate more. If not, then you know where you stand which will be a great time to cut your losses and stop wasting your time and energy on someone who isn't showing a sufficient amount of interest.

In the meantime, go out with him and have fun. Maybe this date will turn things around for the better and you may not have to inquire about his schedule.

B.Y.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #3  February 8,2012, 10:33pm
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I agree...just ask in passing what did he do last week to try and decipher if he was really busy...or ask him what he did last weekend.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #4  February 9,2012, 2:41am
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he took 5 days to respond! and then responds by saying "are you free tonight?"

you're risking being treated badly and used. it takes 1 minute to send a text - however things have been "crazy" there is plenty of time to text.
 
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tink333 is offline tink333 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  February 9,2012, 2:48am
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My guess is that you were his backup plan for tonight, and when he realized he was free, he decided to ping you. It doesn't sound like this will develop into anything serious, but on the off chance he was being forthright, I'd see him one more time before I decided.

Btw, I agree with Steve that he could have sent you a text message - it only takes a minute even if he doesn't have his phone with him during his work day.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #6  February 9,2012, 6:55am
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Is he involved with or living with someone? Commuter affairs happen all the time.

He's only available last minute... after work ..on work days ...interesting....Good Luck..
bibittyboo wrote :
Me: when can we get together again?
Him: I'm free any night after 5
Me: how about Tuesday or Wednesday?
He did not respond until today at 5:00. He said: sorry for not keeping in touch. Things have been crazy. Are you still free tonight?
Agree:
tink333 wrote :
My guess is that you were his backup plan for tonight, and when he realized he was free, he decided to ping you. It doesn't sound like this will develop into anything serious, but on the off chance he was being forthright, I'd see him one more time before I decided.

Btw, I agree with Steve that he could have sent you a text message - it only takes a minute even if he doesn't have his phone with him during his work day.
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #7  February 9,2012, 7:05am
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You are his plan "C" or "D". Why are you wasting your time with some, for whom you are an option when everything else fails ?

I say it all the time and I will say it again. No one, but no one is so busy that they do not have a minute or two to send a text or a quick phone call.

You also got very good advice above, I think you need to move on .....
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #8  February 9,2012, 7:15am
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Yep, I have to agree that there are some red flags here...Your first date on a Wednesday, and then he's only available after work on weekdays, that is not the norm.

I personally don't have time for people who can't even follow through on the most basic of tasks...Which he specifically had said..."sure...any night this week"...and then you follow through with your choice and then nothing...

Sorry, but I don't have a good feeling about this one. Since you already have plans to go out again...I would bring up something about this or next weekend and suggest this to him to see what he says...

Something tells me that tonight you are going to get the, "Hey...just so you know I'm just out of a relationship and not looking for anything serious...but if you feel like hanging out from time to time, that's cool".....

Good luck..
 
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emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #9  February 9,2012, 8:26am
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Well at least date #2 is on a real date night.

One of two things is going on: he's incredibly busy (it happens) or he's just not into you. Is his career such (I dunno...astronaut recently back from the Space Station or trauma surgeon in a city recently demolished by an earthquake, comes to mind) that he could credibly explain away his inability to send a quick text? If not, he's using you for last minute entertainment when he's bored. Might even be married, if you've never spoken on the phone in the evening or on a weekend. Sorry. Go on the date and see what excuse he concocts up, but then focus on finding someone who is genuinely excited about getting to know you. This guy is going to bring you nothing but frustration.

Best of luck!
 
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bibittyboo is offline bibittyboo Post #10  February 9,2012, 8:30am
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Wiseman: I'm pretty sure he is not (seriously) involved with anyone else. He doesn't seem that smooth.

I was the one who suggested getting together during the week because my weekends have been booked.

He doesn't work a 9-5. He is a grad student. I just graduated from grad school, so I see where he is coming from. There were times I didn't see anyone socially for weeks, and was very bad about returning calls/texts. That being said, I think if I had been dating someone who I was really into, I would have made an effort.

The last minute availability thing is a concern and it is a pattern with this guy. The first time he called he wanted to get together that same day. Again I was busy, so we made plans for a different day.

I'll go out with him tonight. Be my typical fun self... but after thinking more about the situation, I'm over it. I deserve more respect... and I'm definitely not going to wear a dress

Thanks everyone for the advice.
 
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