Men and chemistry, sex and emotion.


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EccentricAmbiguity is online now EccentricAmbiguity Post #1  February 8,2012, 12:20pm
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A lot of people have asked on these boards how to create chemistry when there is a lack of one. My question is quite opposite and it is aimed at the men. I, as many women, cannot separate chemistry from emotion. They are interlinked. If I feel chemistry for a man its because I connect with them on all levels, not just a physical one. Now, it seems men have the ability to feel chemistry for a woman who he is not necessarily attracted to in other ways. My question for the guys is: is it really that easy for you to separate the emotion from sex? And, if you find a gal you are very attracted to physically but not in other ways what are the hang ups that prevent you from being emotional connected as well?
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #2  February 8,2012, 12:23pm
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Good question... can't wait to read the responses.
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #3  February 8,2012, 12:38pm
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For the sake of semantics...I'll use the worlds "attraction" and "attachment". It is entirely possible to have enormous attraction without attachment....Probably for women as well.

While there may be intense attraction initially failure for attachment to form has to do with overall personalities

Attraction can also wear off from...conflict, boredom or it just doesn't work...that prevents emotional involvement.

What is described here as "chemistry" may be the attraction combined with some innate sense that an attachment will form....and emotional involvement grows.
EccentricAmbiguity wrote :
My question for the guys is: is it really that easy for you to separate the emotion from sex? And, if you find a gal you are very attracted to physically but not in other ways what are the hang ups that prevent you from being emotional connected as well?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  February 8,2012, 1:05pm
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Shrug.....I've certainly met men where I felt an intense sexual attraction but because of their personalities and other aspects, could never even imagine forming any kind of a relationship with them. The bottom line is that when the other person is not really connecting with you the way that you are connecting to them, it's usually because they are seeing deal breakers and issues with you and aren't quite on the same page with you. I'd be careful about calling that a hang up that maybe you can mend if only you can understand it. Someone not liking you quite as much as you like them is always a bitter pill to swallow, but an unavoidable one.
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #5  February 8,2012, 1:23pm
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wrote :
My question for the guys is: is it really that easy for you to separate the emotion from sex?
That's a complex question. I fell hard for the first women I slept with, confusing lust for love, but over time I've gotten better at identifying and separating those feelings. Yes, I can have sex without feeling an emotional connection. But yes, sex can also be extremely emotionally connecting!

wrote :
And, if you find a gal you are very attracted to physically but not in other ways what are the hang ups that prevent you from being emotional connected as well?
You say "hang up" like it's some simple thing to overcome. It's often incompatible values or skills or goals. That a woman is attractive enough to sleep with, doesn't mean she has all the qualifications to be a great life partner. FYI - Many women can separate love & sex.
Last edited by shapeShifter79; February 8,2012 at 1:27pm.
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #6  February 8,2012, 1:28pm
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DancingFool wrote :
Shrug.....I've certainly met men where I felt an intense sexual attraction but because of their personalities and other aspects, could never even imagine forming any kind of a relationship with them. The bottom line is that when the other person is not really connecting with you the way that you are connecting to them, it's usually because they are seeing deal breakers and issues with you and aren't quite on the same page with you. I'd be careful about calling that a hang up that maybe you can mend if only you can understand it. Someone not liking you quite as much as you like them is always a bitter pill to swallow, but an unavoidable one.
Absolutely agree with this..

I've had plenty of guys that I have a great physical attraction towards but then it just doesn't work on an emotional level. And then I have my guy friends now whom I used to date...and love and adore them emotionally now but don't have that "passion" for anymore. Thankfully as they are happily married! LOL..

As mentioned...if a guy is not pursuing you further than wanting sex...than they just don't feel it for you emotionally...It's not some hang up of theirs....it's either there on all levels with someone you are seeking a relationship with or it's not.
 
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EccentricAmbiguity is online now EccentricAmbiguity Post #7  February 8,2012, 1:37pm
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Ok. Next question: what is the longest relationship you've ever sustained based purely on physical attraction and sex alone? What was the relationship like? Did you ever unexpectadly develop feelings for the person? Also, apparently everyone is hung up on my choice of the word "hang up" as such let's replace it with "deal breaker".
 
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shapeShifter79 is offline shapeShifter79 Post #8  February 8,2012, 1:41pm
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EccentricAmbiguity wrote :
Ok. Next question: what is the longest relationship you've ever sustained based purely on physical attraction and sex alone?
I was going to say one evening, but I can't recall ever being with a woman that offered me nothing beyond physical attraction and sex.
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #9  February 8,2012, 1:56pm
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I had a couple "chemistry" only type situations back in my 20's for a few months each....We certainly didn't dislike each other by any means....and it's not like we didn't have anything in common, but we both knew we didn't have enough to go forward or that we weren't looking for a long term relationship at the moment either...

Every relationship to me starts with the physical/chemistry part of it....and then over the months you are figuring out if there is enough of an emotional, intellectual, and spiritual connection that you could see being with them long term.

I can definitely have sex without love...But I can never love without sex

To me, dating is all about this....figuring out these things over time...So sometimes it works to go forward...and other times it's more of a lust/chemistry thing that ends...
Last edited by Ingytravel; February 8,2012 at 1:59pm.
 
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PG-13 is offline PG-13 Post #10  February 8,2012, 1:56pm
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is it easy to separate emotion from sex? yes, its very easy (I don't want to get censored and I'm not sure what will, so I won't go into much detail) but I can definitely say that good and bad sex is directly tied into emotional states.

then again, I'm more about sex as the culmination of a relationship process and not something just to start with. so I'm too atypical in that regard as far as "sex and nothing else" which I haven't had any experience with.
 
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