Is it a cultural thing??


Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #11  February 8,2012, 6:28am
harnomygirl's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2011

Posts: 6,418

See profile

Rocky13 wrote :
First I thought ok maybe the friends are Iranian and/or Muslim so I asked. She said no they are all Italian, I just am not comfortable being affectionate in front of my friends (but she is around strangers). But I have also noticed she is not very comfortable kissing in public either e.g she pulls away sometimes when I go to kiss her.
I'm not sure why her culture disallows PDA in front of Italians.

You've written both that she is comfortable displaying affection around strangers, and that she pulls away from public kisses sometimes. Perhaps she pulls away whenever she notices an Italian nearby.

This really is something you should ask about on your next date. It sounds unusual.
 
  Reply With Quote
emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #12  February 8,2012, 11:26am
emma_hazards's Avatar

Perky!

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2011

Posts: 1,909

See profile

Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
In reference to the question in your title, there maybe some underlying cultural issues to her views on PDA but there are also people who are not comfortable with PDA that have nothing to do with culture, it is just their personality.

I find it odd (interesting) that she is comfortable with PDA around strangers but is extremely "hands off" around her friends. This is starting to raise a number of small red flags that have nothing to do with the PDA thing...
Gr8Guy, most people don't care what random strangers think. It's your friends and family that matter. Their opinions and judgements count. I don't see her making this distinction as any type of flag.
 
  Reply With Quote
harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #13  February 8,2012, 11:40am
harnomygirl's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2011

Posts: 6,418

See profile

We could try dropping the focus on culture. Her friends are from a different culture. Her boyfriend is too. How tied to hers could she possibly be?

Instead, her boyfriend could try to figure out if there's a male friend she doesn't want finding out how physical their relationship really is, and why.

That's one of the first things I'd consider if they were all American. It's another possibility that would mean their love is doomed, but not because of cultural differences.
 
  Reply With Quote
emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #14  February 8,2012, 12:56pm
emma_hazards's Avatar

Perky!

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2011

Posts: 1,909

See profile

Harnomy, then why would she volunteer to introduce him to the Italian???

Personally, if I were two-timing someone (not that I would ever do such a thing), I would not look to introduce the two to each other...just saying! Are you suggesting she prefers a more drama-filled, soap-operatic life?
 
  Reply With Quote
harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #15  February 8,2012, 1:00pm
harnomygirl's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2011

Posts: 6,418

See profile

emma_hazards wrote :
Harnomy, then why would she volunteer to introduce him to the Italian???

Personally, if I were two-timing someone (not that I would ever do such a thing), I would not look to introduce the two to each other...just saying! Are you suggesting she prefers a more drama-filled, soap-operatic life?
No, that's not likely. Give me time. I'll think of something else.
 
  Reply With Quote
emma_hazards is offline emma_hazards Post #16  February 8,2012, 1:01pm
emma_hazards's Avatar

Perky!

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2011

Posts: 1,909

See profile

...unless you think the Italian friends she introduces him to will report back to the Italian boyfriend that she was holding hands with a new boy.

Now you've made my head spin and the OP more paranoid than he probably needs to be.
 
  Reply With Quote
BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #17  February 8,2012, 1:09pm
BabyYoda's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2010

Inland Empire, CA

Posts: 2,989

See profile

The issue is that you like PDA's and your lady friend doesn't care for it too much. It may be a cultural thing to an extent, but it is mostly a personal matter.

I honestly don't know if the both of you will last long term because she may not be able to satisfy some of your needs. The best thing to do is to really weigh your options and decide if it is in your best interest to date her under her conditions while ignoring your own. If you and your lady friend can't sit down and discuss this matter maturely and come to a remedy, then you may need to cease the relationship and find someone who is as affectionate as yourself(which should not be difficult to find).

In the meantime, honor her conditions while in the company of her friends, but let her know that there will be no gurantees that you will associate with her friends under her conditions in the future(which means you may decline invitations to hang out with her friends for the reasons shared by you).

Good luck with your situation.

B.Y.
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #18  February 8,2012, 1:11pm
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,750

See profile

ugh....there is nothing cultural about this. There are people who love PDA, like the OP, and then there are people like his gf, who really don't like it. From what he has described, it sounds like she barely humors him every so often even when just among strangers. For those of us who do not like PDA, PDA can be anything from mildly unwelcome to downright annoying. Considering that like attracts like, it is very likely that her friends are more like her - PDA would make them uncomfortable. It's hardly unreasonable for her to ask him to refrain in front of her friends for everyone's comfort. This is no different than having the basic manners not to suck face while at a work function in front of the boss and coworkers, for instance. Now, if the OP thinks this is too much to ask for and something he can't respect or honor, that's a different issue and perhaps then he needs to find someone who is more like him.
 
  Reply With Quote
BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #19  February 8,2012, 2:04pm
BabyYoda's Avatar

Virtuoso

Joined: Aug 2010

Inland Empire, CA

Posts: 2,989

See profile

I don't think anyone outside the OP's relationship can definitively conclude that cultural differences doesn't come into play. It is quite plausible that said woman's upbringing and cultural standards influenced her attitude towards PDA's. But, that isn't the core issue.

The core issue is whether the OP should honor his friend's request to refrain from touching her among other things while in the prescence of her friends. The OP is not obligated to agree to such conditions no more than his friend is obligated to show PDA's. No person supercedes the other, but there needs to be a meeting of the mind about important matters and affection is an important matter.

Personally, I don't know if I could date someone who doesn't want to be touched in public, but possibly could date someone who may not feel comfortable being kissy faced and hugged up all the time in public. Light touching, petting and kissing is a reasonable expectation when dating someone. Those who feel otherwise simply need to date someone who feels the same as themselves and/or someone who is willing to agree to his/her terms and conditions. It isn't that complicated. Communication is the key to solving many problems.

B.Y.
Last edited by BabyYoda; February 8,2012 at 3:45pm.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 2 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Bedroom issue | Dating | Regrets? »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
The one thing you didn't know AndieIsMe Dating 22 July 1,2011 6:24pm
How do i confront with the age thing? estee Ask a Dating Expert 19 January 16,2011 1:04pm
So the strangest thing happened tonight... she PAID for everything! minusthedrifter Dating 64 November 21,2010 4:29pm
Is this thing broken? beautifeet67 Lost in nowhereland 1 September 15,2010 1:20pm
That "Thing" That Drives Them Away Can_I_just_be_Jo Dating 65 July 28,2010 11:59am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:10am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0