Special-K is offline Special-K Post #1  February 7,2012, 12:42pm
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is happier than if it was a 'no boss Friday' going into a three-day weekend... :-)

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During a recent conversation w/ my sister, she mentioned that she had received an e-mail from a guy she dated before she got married. She’s been married for six years to a guy she met on Match. The e-mail basically said that he thinks about her a lot and is sorry for taking her for granted, for not appreciating her more while they were together and allowing her to get away. That he is still single and now wishes things had worked out differently w/ them.

This conversation made me remember finding a card from my now ex-husband (I suppose he intended to give it to me and never did) that basically said the same sort of thing: He wished that things hadn’t gotten so bad, that he had appreciated me more and that he had done more while things were still good between us and maybe we wouldn’t be where we are. I don’t know when he got the card, but I assume it was before we filed for divorce.

Have you ever received any such communication? Have you ever initiated any such communication? If not, is there anyone who, in retrospect, you now wish you had appreciated more while you were together and/or that things had worked out and you might still be together?
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #2  February 7,2012, 1:01pm
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Special-K wrote :
If not, is there anyone who, in retrospect, you now wish you had appreciated more while you were together and/or that things had worked out and you might still be together?
No, and that is a little sad. I appreciated everything I could in each relationship and I don't think I would have been happier giving more than I did in return. It's possible I've always been doing this backwards and that's why nothing's lasted forever, but I'm not sure.

(I have been contacted by exes considering a reconciliation though. This post is just about my end. I don't think people change enough to make a real difference after a relationship is over so anything they might say makes no difference to me.)
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #3  February 7,2012, 1:10pm
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is happier than if it was a 'no boss Friday' going into a three-day weekend... :-)

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I tend to agree w/ you, Harm! Generally speaking, if I'm in a relationship w/ someone that means I genuinely care about that person and will go to the ends of the Earth to make it work on my end. If I don't feel my efforts are being appreciated or reciprocated, I stop. B/c of that, I've never ended a relationship I thought could be fixed; therefore, I have no regrets.
 
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paintandbooks is offline paintandbooks Post #4  February 7,2012, 1:17pm
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I have regrets of a different sort - there are several matches I met "early days" in online dating - 3 of the ones I dated once, and didn't agree to a second date. The encounters were all simply bad timing, but in retrospect I wish I had not dropped the ball.
 
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smileygirl is offline smileygirl Post #5  February 7,2012, 3:27pm
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My first ex husband asked to have dinner with me a few years ago, while I was going through my second divorce and said he was sorry that he had left the marriage (he left for someone else, but truth be told it was an unhappy marriage and he had said for 2 years prior that he did not want to be married, but I kept plugging away) That was 14 years after we divorced. We are, however, good friends and raising our kids together, but as it turns out, I was happier after he left (go figure) and so, we remain friends.

I have had other regrets, being in relationships too long, when I knew they would not work out, but stayed hopeful - thinking if loved them enough, or worked a little harder, it would have worked. Now much older and wiser, each experience has made me stronger, and while I would love to have a life partner, I very happy with my life (good family, good kids, good friends)
 
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psgcooldog is online now psgcooldog Post #6  February 7,2012, 3:36pm
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Special-K wrote :
During a recent conversation w/ my sister, she mentioned that she had received an e-mail from a guy she dated before she got married. She’s been married for six years to a guy she met on Match. The e-mail basically said that he thinks about her a lot and is sorry for taking her for granted, for not appreciating her more while they were together and allowing her to get away. That he is still single and now wishes things had worked out differently w/ them.

This conversation made me remember finding a card from my now ex-husband (I suppose he intended to give it to me and never did) that basically said the same sort of thing: He wished that things hadn’t gotten so bad, that he had appreciated me more and that he had done more while things were still good between us and maybe we wouldn’t be where we are. I don’t know when he got the card, but I assume it was before we filed for divorce.

Have you ever received any such communication? Have you ever initiated any such communication? If not, is there anyone who, in retrospect, you now wish you had appreciated more while you were together and/or that things had worked out and you might still be together?
My last relationship crashed and burned because my partner couldn't bring herself to tell me of her suspicions (which were unfounded) and I wasn't smart enough to be persistent, and dig for the reasons for her unhappiness.

In her anger, she attacked ... and in my ignorance of the reason, I finally reacted.

Alethea posted a link to an article The Anatomy of a Woman's Feelings that seemed to me to describe exactly what happened, and after I read it I was filled with sadness over the lost chance, had I only understood.

While there were many reasons why the relationship would have been a difficult one, it was still the closest thing to loving and being loved that I've experienced, and I still think of her, and regret the loss.

Ironically, it was right in the middle of the disaster when we said those words to each other, words I hadn't said in over ten years.

I also regret that she is probably still convinced that I was unfaithful (or trying to be) and that bothers me greatly because it can only serve to reinforce her insecurities, which caused the mess in the first place. At the very least, I would want her to know it wasn't true.

For her sake.

Yet she asked me not to contact her, and even now, months later, I feel bound by that request.

Yeah. Regrets ... I've had a few.
 
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EccentricAmbiguity is online now EccentricAmbiguity Post #7  February 7,2012, 4:48pm
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I have been in three long term relationships. (9 years, 2 years, 3 years) All of these men have come back to me throughout the years to say they think a lot about our time together and that they would have me back if I so chose to go back (as I had ended all 3 relationships).....strange I know....now that I am single and have been dating for a year and finding that I have nothing in common with 99% of the men I date I do sometimes wonder if I should have stuck it out my exes. However, I think that only comes from a place of frustration and not sincere desire to be with them.
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #8  February 7,2012, 5:25pm
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I understand where that guy is comming from. In looking back on my life there have been missed opportunities.

My talking about it or mentioning it doesnt mean in some way I am not past it because I am.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #9  February 7,2012, 5:33pm
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ami1uwant wrote :
I understand where that guy is comming from. In looking back on my life there have been missed opportunities.

My talking about it or mentioning it doesnt mean in some way I am not past it because I am.
I wish there were. I regret my lack of missed opportunities. Perhaps I just didn't recognize them.

One day I might wake up and be horrified at everything I overlooked.
 
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TryingHardToNotTrySoHard is offline TryingHardToNotTrySoHard Post #10  February 7,2012, 9:31pm
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I regret my missed opportunities more than anything I've done in a relationship. There are a few that I wonder about from time to time how they would've turned out if I'd have been more direct and handled things better. At the same time, though, I know there's nothing to be gained by holding on to regrets and/or not forgiving yourself. You just have to learn what you can from your mistakes, forgive yourself and the other person, and move on with your life.
 
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