dmi is online now dmi Post #21  February 8,2012, 7:21am
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No. No way. Not even close. I still like all of them and think well of them, but, it just didn't work.

But, there is almost always a point in time within the first year that I think such thoughts. I'd say it is more me missing some of the good times, especially if there is still a void in those areas.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #22  February 8,2012, 7:43am
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boschimsp wrote :
I do have regrets, but not in the sense that I am pining for a partner past. It's more that I think that hindsight can reveal things that I could have done differently at the time or situations I could have handled better. In the grand scheme of things is it anything that could have drastically changed the course of the relationship, probably not, but it still doesn't stop me from thinking about things none the less. If anything I think it is actually a good thing because it usually results in making positive changes to my behavior the next time around.

I cannot say that I've ever sent or received similar communication, though I have certainly had exes who have tried for contact after the fact. Part of it is, as you've said, in most cases a lack of appreciation wasn't why the relationship ended. It had to do with other things, usually disconnects in values or what we want out of life, and these aren't exactly things that are likely to change over time. I also know that it is easy to over idealize the past so I'm careful not to fall into that trap. More I find myself appreciating certain relationship aspects more.
To respond to my own thread, I don't recall ever sending any communication; although I've written plenty and received many (in the form of letters, cards and e-mail messages... none of which I considered flattering). For me, it is cathartic to express my feelings in words so that I can make better sense of them. It also helps me to see my part in the relationship's failing and how I could have/would do things differently in the future. I think that's an important aspect in any failed relationship. If either party didn't learn something from it, and/or takes no responsibility for its failing, I don't think it's likely the next will have any better outcome.

While I have never regretted the ending of a relationship, I have missed aspects of some that have ended. I still miss certain aspects of my last relationship, even though I know it is over. There are things about my ex-husband, in retrospect, that I now feel I should have appreciated more. That said, I don't pine for nor do I want to return to those relationships.

I don't know what was going on in the brain of my sister's ex-bf when he sent her the e-mail. I don't know what was going on in my ex-husband's brain when he purchased and wrote the card (he never gave it to me, I found it... so, there's that). I won't speculate either. Some here jumped on the assumption that the only motive is pining and a way of slipping back in and is being received as a form of flattery by the recipient.

I've said it before, I am not one to give peeps the benefit of the doubt; however, in this case I choose to.
Last edited by Special-K; February 8,2012 at 7:55am.
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #23  February 8,2012, 2:16pm
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I have a bf I still regret from about 1994. I let him go (released into the wild) after a significant personal crisis. He tried to stay but I forced him out. I wish that I had been more mature and understood that building a wall around myself wasn't necessary or a even good idea. But, it took me years to learn that.

I still see him "around" and he is a great guy. A great husband. A great dad. And never ever flirts. I think we would have had a good thing. Probably marriage.
 
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