Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #21  February 8,2012, 4:49am
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Some things have changed...but one thing remains constant....Being yourself is still the best bet in the dating world.

If this is what works for you... then be this way...not because it is expected, recommended, etc.

With so much spread-sheet, pay-back-accounting, penny-pinching, who-pays, meals-for-sex crassness out there...you'll have an edge if you just do what feels right for you.........Good Luck..
AwesomeOne23 wrote :
I I'm the kind of guy that likes to pay all the time and be a gentleman but is there such a thing as going overboard with it?
 
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boomer_gal is online now boomer_gal Post #22  February 8,2012, 7:25am
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DaLocman wrote :
I've espoused the same idea, twice mistakenly thinking my first post was lost, but I'd say the view has nothing to do with a lack of success, at least online.

I find my online dating rate at least to go unchanged whether I were to promise traditional or a dutch styled view. There are women who will do dutch, it seems they're just not on these boards or are not speaking here.

From what I see, most here promoted the idea a man gives more than 50%. Even Jimmy suggests, after a while, to let the woman "pay for one every once in a while."

To start off with someone you've met in real life, I'd go for paying the very first "date" myself most likely unless she offered dutch ahead. Unlikely but to me a major plus.

At this point, I've come to guess that what's written in a profile alone is rarely payed attention to by itself before more superficial elements.

It all means fewer dates perhaps, but the last girl who convinced me that she "deserved to be treated" just turned out sour and controlling. Those are nice words for it really. It was through multiple date like things too, not just a first.
In my post I suggested he pay for the first date or two. Personally, I am fine with sharing the costs of dating, but I do take it as a positive sign when the man pays for the first date. Interestingly, I have found that in real life, the men are more likely to be willing to pay for first dates than the gentlemen of this community seem comfortable doing.
 
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KikiAZ is offline KikiAZ Post #23  February 8,2012, 8:35am
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o/t sorry....but

DaLocman wrote :
If the woman I date though has a career even better than me with higher income, why should I have to pay a majority of dates? One crafty savings plan... get dates and save your money week to week. She can just be her bubbly self??

It's the price of admission for most professional women. It just is.

When you go out with collegues or male friends do you go dutch? Probably not. Guys scramble to pay when they are together. Why would you treat your potential long term mate with less respect?


I don't look for a guy who is the mirror image of me. One who is my exact equal in things. If you have ever had a serious LTR than you should know that things even out over time. And you are only in the going out and dating part for a short while.

Each partner has something to contribute and contributes them. Traditionally, the guy bring more money and the woman brings a warmth and home. Being professionals in the modern world doesn't really change that.

Even more, I have to pay to go out while she can just move to pay for groceries to cook at her place? Her cooking for you is indicative of a degree of intimacy and interest and that she TRUSTS you and wants you in her home. Restaurants charge twice the money for half a type of food amount I can buy in the grocery store. Again, date and save money.

Money sure seems important to you. Like, maybe, the most important thing.

No, I'm with the first dates are dutch or alternated things. After a few of those, we buy groceries and just cook for one another at home twice as much as we go out to restaurants.

I certainly don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't approve if I save money, since ideally that money becomes "ours" later.

I can't tell how old you are, if you are very young and underemployed then it is one thing. If you are not, well....
Last edited by KikiAZ; February 8,2012 at 10:18am.
 
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DaLocman is offline DaLocman Post #24  February 8,2012, 12:42pm
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boomer_gal wrote :
In my post I suggested he pay for the first date or two. Personally, I am fine with sharing the costs of dating, but I do take it as a positive sign when the man pays for the first date. Interestingly, I have found that in real life, the men are more likely to be willing to pay for first dates than the gentlemen of this community seem comfortable doing.
If you re-check my post, I did say I would pay the first date in a real-life scene which excluded having connected online. I can agree if I ask or invite a woman on a first date I'm paying for that particular date unless she suggests otherwise.
----------------------------
Kiki: "It's the price of admission for most professional women. It just is."
---Dalocman: 'Price', 'Admission'?? I wonder a little what kind of professional women you mean?

Kiki: "When you go out with collegues or male friends do you go dutch? Probably not. Guys scramble to pay when they are together. Why would you treat your potential long term mate with less respect?"
---Dalocman: "I guess I'm the unusual one then, I avoid 'scrambling' to pay for male friends on a friendly outing. Those are the perfect ways for them to always wait on you to do it again and again. Real friends are rare and will be the only ones who won't wait for such an act to happen again. Taking advantage of friends with money isn't the act of friends. I pay for my movie ticket, they pay for theirs."

Kiki: "I don't look for a guy who is the mirror image of me. One who is my exact equal in things. If you have ever had a serious LTR than you should know that things even out over time. And you are only in the going out and dating part for a short while."
---Dalocman: "I try not to decide whether someone's a mirror image or my 'exact equal.' I try to do situation to situation. My only true LTR was in my late teens. I'm 28 now, mostly only short term dating. I've not been in an LTR which could possibly have evened out of dating to one's home."

Kiki: "Each partner has something to contribute and contributes them. Traditionally, the guy bring more money and the woman brings a warmth and home. Being professionals in the modern world doesn't really change that."
---Dalocman: "Sure those are the traditional, but I cannot agree. When the world changes, culture changes, and so does the dating/mating form. High divorce rates, high financial struggle.. these things will cause changes if they haven't already. Both sexes being professional is a change, like it or not."

Kiki: "Her cooking for you is indicative of a degree of intimacy and interest and that she TRUSTS you and wants you in her home."
---Dalocman: "I agree here, but if a guy can cook for a woman, how is the point different?? You're simply assigning tradition as a "truth" of the matter. Are you saying my money is the basis of trust for a man in this matter? (Bringing up your last comment)

Kiki: "Money sure seems important to you. Like, maybe, the most important thing."
---Dalocman: "You practically suggest it is the option that should be important to me, in the above areas of tradition. Interesting. The 'money is my saboteur' argument isn't working here.

You propose money is the element of my TRUST. So you suggest men give away their 'trust' without question? Sounds unreasonable and double standard to me. Dutch on a first date still sounds more promising for the long run."
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #25  February 8,2012, 4:05pm
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notyet wrote :
you treat her as a gentleman would.

A gentleman, my good sir, is a social concept.

It exists in a context. That context includes legal rights (and lack thereof for others); it includes class (and privleges thereof.)

That context is not to be found in a democracy today, and good riddance it is, too.
 
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BabyYoda is offline BabyYoda Post #26  February 8,2012, 4:32pm
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AwesomeOne23 wrote :
Being a guy understand that men should feel obligated to do certain things for women such as paying the tab, opening doors, giving compliments, escorting and driving them places. But how much is to much? I know the dating world has changed but I'm confused. Is it neccessary to do these things all the time or is it okay to do these things every once in awhile? I'm the kind of guy that likes to pay all the time and be a gentleman but is there such a thing as going overboard with it?
The problem I have with your first sentence is that I don't think it is right for men to feel obligated to do something for someone, but not have an equal expectation from women.

One major issue I have about this topic is that people place too much emphasis on who pays or not instead of seeing if there is any physical attraction and intellectual compatibility. Truth be told, if there is no attraction and rapport, then there will be no more dating whether you pay for a meal or drink, go dutch or your date pays.

If you feel like paying for your date, then fine. But, make sure you are gathering enough data to determine if said person is worth seeing again or not. Spend money modestly and understand that how you start off a date and how much you spend money on said date sets precedent on what will be expected from you moving forward. Set the bar too high and it will be a struggle to go backwards. Set it too low and you may get the same in return. Use common sense and you should fair well.

B.Y.
 
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lindseyk is offline lindseyk Post #27  February 8,2012, 4:55pm

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notyet wrote :

gentlemen do things for ladies. and in my playbook, being a gentleman is always required. so, yes- you get her door and give compliments. and you do it whenever you can- which is when you find the opportunity. those are some of the ways you show your lady just how much she means to you.

you treat her as a gentleman would.
 
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notyet is offline notyet Post #28  February 8,2012, 5:02pm
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D_Lion wrote :
A gentleman, my good sir, is a social concept.

It exists in a context. That context includes legal rights (and lack thereof for others); it includes class (and privleges thereof.)

That context is not to be found in a democracy today, and good riddance it is, too.
are those white gloves in my face, good sir?

>):-P

lindseyk wrote :
hi, honey!

>):-X
 
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