ChameleonX is offline ChameleonX Post #1  February 6,2012, 4:24pm
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Pretty good I guess

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Anyone, feel free to chime in.

A few years back I signed up with eh and eventually met a girl who I started a relationship with for several months. Things were going really good until she got a job offer that she just couldn’t turn down, and I simply was not in a position to go with her. Anyway, before she left I asked her what made her want to go out with me after that first date considering we really didn’t have as much in common as the site had suggested. She said: “Our commonalities were the least of my concerns, but I left thinking that it wasn’t going to happen. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you the rest of the night and next day. You were funny, kind of a klutz, but very sweet. What I can’t explain is how you didn’t get how much I was interested in you on that second date. I gave you all the signs. Did you not notice?”

Moving on; a few years later I meet another girl through another site who I dated for a couple of months, but it fizzled out. She said: “You were smiling from the moment you walked into the restaurant and was just so happy that it made me happy. But I couldn’t get you to respond to any of my signs. I thought I was going to have to spell it out for you.”

You see the trend here?

Girl #2 said: I was smiling and laughing at your jokes, I kept constant eye contact, I took an interest in your job and other things going on in your life, etc… How did you not see that?

I just took those as her being polite. What am I missing here?
Last edited by ChameleonX; February 6,2012 at 6:14pm.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #2  February 6,2012, 4:50pm
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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Beats me, maybe you need new glasses
 
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lunabeach is offline lunabeach Post #3  February 6,2012, 4:52pm
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You aren't. Women are taught from an early age to be nice and friendly to pretty much everyone - there are women who end up being sexually harassed b/c they felt guilty for not being friendly to the creepy guy in the alley.

How are you supposed to know the baselines (regular friendly and nice versus I'm romantically interested in you friendly and nice) of women you barely know?

Don't worry about that. What you're missing is the actual act of her expressing her interest (dating you). You don't need to ascribe meaning to hair flipping and eye contact when you've already gotten her to agree to go out with you. You don't seem to have problems getting dates - just ask for a second and her yes or no will tell you very clearly her level of interest.
 
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ChameleonX is offline ChameleonX Post #4  February 6,2012, 5:27pm
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Gr8Guyn2008 - That was funny. Especially considering that I actually do wear glasses.

lunabeach, I agree with you 100%, but I guess I wonder sometimes if it's supposed to be the part of "the chase" that I suck at. And if that's the case, is that a bad thing?
 
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Jamiewan is offline Jamiewan Post #5  February 6,2012, 6:07pm
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I'd like to know people's thoughts on this too. I miss all the signals as well. I have a friend who recently revealed to me that she had a crush on me for two years. She was dropping hints and sending out signals and I had absolutely no idea. Only after she admitted it did I see that all of her friendly gestures actually had a different meaning. This also made me wonder about the intentions of just about every other girl who took what I always believed was a just a friendly interest in me.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #6  February 6,2012, 6:14pm
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If you'd been very interested you'd have shown it and she wouldn't have wondered why you didn't notice her interest. When you don't pick up on those things it's because you're not attracted enough to really care.

If you're trying to figure out how to guage interest so you can focus only on women who like you first, I don't think that will do you much good in the long run. You have to want the woman, and for you, that doesn't seem to correlate to how much she wants you.
 
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ChameleonX is offline ChameleonX Post #7  February 6,2012, 6:55pm
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harnomygirl wrote :
If you'd been very interested you'd have shown it and she wouldn't have wondered why you didn't notice her interest. When you don't pick up on those things it's because you're not attracted enough to really care.

If you're trying to figure out how to guage interest so you can focus only on women who like you first, I don't think that will do you much good in the long run. You have to want the woman, and for you, that doesn't seem to correlate to how much she wants you.
And that's where I don't seem to have the answers. If I'm not sensing that she's into me, I don't reciprocate. Probably a self defense mechanism.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if I'm not sensing it, I don't follow through. If I wasn't into her, trust me, I wouldn't have asked her out again. So now I have two things working against me: I don't want to look desperate, but I don't pick up on things. Talking to some friends of mine, half pick up on all the signs, even the subtle ones. The other half are in my boat.

Smiling at me reads like at the very least, she's enjoying herself. Making eye contact seems like the least you can do while someone is talking. The obvious one (or at least I have been told) is touching; where she reaches out and touches your hand. That may be the only one I know for sure, and even then I'm not 100%. When she said that she laughed at my jokes, I felt a little disappointed because I thought my jokes were funny. Seems I have to go work on some new material (or not).

See for me, the sign is obvious that I'm into you; I asked you out again. You accepting should be obvious as well, but I have three sisters, and do you have any idea how many times I saw them when they were younger accept dates just to get out of the house? I don't want to be that guy!
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #8  February 6,2012, 7:01pm
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ChameleonX wrote :
When she said that she laughed at my jokes, I felt a little disappointed because I thought my jokes were funny. Seems I have to go work on some new material (or not).
I see the problem. You're funny. That means that women will laugh, make eye contact, and possibly touch even if there is no romantic interest. Hmm.

You could try getting physical earlier on in the process and see how she responds to your kiss.
 
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