Josh84 is offline Josh84 Post #1  February 6,2012, 9:03am
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Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets.

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Hello, I suppose I've been in somewhat of a dating rut for a few years and I don't know if you can call it that, or if my dating life is existent at all.

A little about me... I'm in the military, a 27 year old fire fighter that is semi attractive, financially stable, and genuinely a good person.

the problem I'm having is I never meet women through work or friends, because we all know the same people being isolated together. I'm in a foreign country (Belgium)where the language around me is French. its extremely difficult to the point that I've given up trying to even talk to women. When I do meet someone I can talk to they just have really different values, and I cant relate to them.

Dating on-line is silly because who wants to fly to Belgium, or have me to fly and see them for a first date? no one. that screams all sorts of things and flags fly everywhere, sometimes I do it just to have different people to talk to knowing what a joke it is.

A few years of this, and I'm just depressed that I'll never meet anyone... It's even worse being depressed keeps me from going out and its a vicious cycle that has pretty much turned this adventurous soul into a lonely hermit.

What I'm looking for is some advice on how to turn this around! I have to stop this cycle, gain my confidence back and truly be happy with myself again. Thank you for any ideas on how to do this!
 
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ami1uwant is offline ami1uwant Post #2  February 6,2012, 9:15am
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How long have you been in belgium? When do you return stateside?

Deployment cycle is usually about 3 years. Why havent you learned some French while there...just basic french. the fact is many in Europe do learn English if they want to succees in their careers.

You say they have different values...how so discribe?

If you are depressed..have you gone to talk to a military counselor? What about the buddies you are with---have you used their help on going out and meeting people?
 
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Josh84 is offline Josh84 Post #3  February 6,2012, 9:29am
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I've been In Belgium going on 4 years, I wont return to the states I go to another overseas base after.

I've learned quite a bit of French! however, I'm not fluent and its a challenge to communicate... but C'est La Vie.

It's hard to describe exactly till you are in the situation, but for one they wont understand my humour, we often don't agree on any social situation, music, television, food... I've never met one who loves camping and the outdoors. Really other than travel and physical attraction I've no found a thing in common with any of the few I've tried to date.

I have, and I do ask my friends for support all the time, but I've kind of described the situation me and my friends are in a couple of them feel the same way. I've talked to a Chaplin a they only tell me the things I already know... I suppose I was looking for some out side the box help!
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  February 6,2012, 9:44am
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Josh84 wrote :
It's hard to describe exactly till you are in the situation, but for one they wont understand my humour, we often don't agree on any social situation, music, television, food... I've never met one who loves camping and the outdoors. Really other than travel and physical attraction I've no found a thing in common with any of the few I've tried to date.
The problem is that you are not going to have any easier time finding those commonalities with someone in US either. You have to meet many people, and go out on many dates before you might meet someone you truly click with. Dating a few, trying a few and then quitting is your biggest problem and your only real problem and that problem will exist abroad or at home.

I can assure you there are plenty of people who like camping and outdoors and have similar tastes in music or tv or whatever in every single country. However, few people want to date their own mirror image - it's boring. Also, finding someone who has enough in common and enough different for it to work is just plain hard. It does mean endless dates and perseverance. If this was easy, everyone in the world would be paired up and dating sites wouldn't exist.
 
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Josh84 is offline Josh84 Post #5  February 6,2012, 9:53am
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You're right I do need perseverance... However, I think you miss what I'm trying to say. I don't want someone exactly like me, or that she has all those exact things in common with me, they were examples and an answer to the above question.

I guess I should take you advice to date more and thank you for your time.

I'm not trying to be difficult just looking for some suggestions that are outside of the realm of... date more, be confident, ect you know that answers I'm saying.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #6  February 6,2012, 10:00am
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I would try this site:

Belgium Meetup Groups - Meetup

and try out the groups that have English descriptions.

I might not get a date, or I might, but it's an opportunity for local fun.
 
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Josh84 is offline Josh84 Post #7  February 6,2012, 10:05am
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Thank you Harnomygirl! I'll look into it, it might be awkward at first for me, but noting in life is easy.
Last edited by Josh84; February 6,2012 at 10:09am.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  February 6,2012, 10:29am
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Josh84 wrote :
You're right I do need perseverance... However, I think you miss what I'm trying to say. I don't want someone exactly like me, or that she has all those exact things in common with me, they were examples and an answer to the above question.

I guess I should take you advice to date more and thank you for your time.

I'm not trying to be difficult just looking for some suggestions that are outside of the realm of... date more, be confident, ect you know that answers I'm saying.
Yup, I do. I think one important thing is don't look at dates that didn't work out as a failure, but rather as a benefit. You got to go out and do something instead of sitting home alone. You met someone who is interesting, different, weird, whatever - it was still a chance to learn something and meet someone new. The very worst case scenario is you've got a fun story to tell your buddies over a cold beer. You got to practice your dating skills and your language and that's never a loss.

The more you open yourself up to that, the more you'll find that dating is fun. The more fun you have, the more you do it, the more confidence you'll gain and become more attractive to women to the point where you'll find you have to beat them off with a stick instead of working hard to get a date. The hard part is that to get that rolling you have to force yourself to get out and plug along.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #9  February 6,2012, 10:34am
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Josh84 wrote :
Thank you Harnomygirl! I'll look into it, it might be awkward at first for me, but noting in life is easy.
I hope it works out. You should wind up with lots of things to try as time goes by and people expand (and expound) on this thread.
 
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Josh84 is offline Josh84 Post #10  February 6,2012, 10:40am
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I couldn't agree more Dancingfool, I know I've learned an incredible amount about myself and what I want from dating... I just haven't been motivated to date if that makes sense.

I suppose I'm getting to that age where I'm looking for marriage and a family, and dating people who I know are never going to be that person is kind of bringing me down...

You're right though I need to slap myself and wake up, and start dating because you cant put your pants on before your underwear, well I guess you could, but you would be crazy. What I mean is I feel ready for that special relationship, but I can always learn more and become a better man in the meantime.


Also hornomygirl I really hope to get some new fresh ideas on how to improve myself and find great ideas to meet women.
Last edited by Josh84; February 6,2012 at 10:42am.
 
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