Following up via e-mail on an unreturned voice message...


Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
cbm64 is offline cbm64 Post #1  February 5,2012, 1:45pm
cbm64's Avatar

Unsure

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2010

The other South Jersey without the oil refineries and the New Yawk-ish accent.

Posts: 18

See profile

I'm a 37 YO man who is rather inexperienced with dating, so I'm looking for an opinion here...

I recently met someone on another (non-eH) dating site. I went out with her twice in one week - once for lunch on a weekend and once for dinner on a weeknight after spending a few weeks getting acquainted by e-mail and phone. We had dinner during the week and set it up during our first date because she was going to be away the weekend (which was last weekend). Before we wrapped up our dinner date, I asked if I could give her a call next week after she got back, and she said "sure." I walked her to her car and she said then before we parted "I'll talk to you next week."

I didn't bother her last weekend since I knew she was out of town and I left her alone Monday incase she was worn out from the trip back. I called her Wednesday evening and left a voice message on her cell phone. It was pretty casual - just said something like "wanted to see how your weekend was and see if you maybe you'd like to get together this weekend." No response.

Even though I'm inexperienced, I wasn't born yesterday - I know very well this probably means she's lost interest for whatever reason. I even went out on a first date today with somebody else, but I found myself liking the first one more after it was over.

I'd like to send the first one an e-mail before I give up, but I was advised by a friend to "keep it brief." So my question is: How brief? I'd like her to know that I think she's a great person, that I enjoyed her company, and think she's attractive. But of course I don't want to spook her into thinking she's now got a stalker in her life and guarantee myself no response. Should I let her know I'm still interested for those reasons? Or should I just say "hey did you get my call?" and leave it at that.

I'm not going to hold my breath on a response to my e-mail no matter what I end up saying. I'm still getting matches and will definitely move on if I don't hear from her. But on the other hand, I did like her and I want to try one last time before I give up.

Thanks!
cbm64
 
  Reply With Quote
StingFanChicago is offline StingFanChicago Post #2  February 5,2012, 5:27pm
StingFanChica…'s Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Aug 2011

Posts: 53

See profile

I wouldn't email her at all. If she hasn't responded to the voicemail you left her by now, then she isn't interested in getting together again. The email will come across as desperate since you already left a voicemail. Perhaps while on her trip she thought about your dates and decided you aren't the right one for her, and having that time away from communicating with you made it more clear to her. Or she just met someone else she clicked with more. I'd say to go ahead and move on. Good luck!
 
  Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  February 5,2012, 5:42pm
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

Sage

Joined: Jan 2008

Orlando, FL

Posts: 19,670

See profile

If this is a departure from the way she handled your calls previously then I would view this as an indication that she is no longer interested and just move on. During the getting to know each other before the first meeting you did talk on the phone so your call should not have been a surprise.

Just a hint for the future, when calling (or e-mailing) someone have an actual topic of discussion in mind. In this case the call should have been to ask her out for a specific day, time and activity.
 
  Reply With Quote
VB_Girl is offline VB_Girl Post #4  February 5,2012, 7:26pm
VB_Girl's Avatar

is working hard for this vacation!

Power Poster

Joined: Feb 2009

Chicago

Posts: 6,946

See profile

I say send the email, what can it hurt. It's not like you are putting everything else on hold for her which is good since who knows what she's thinking.

I would say something like Hope your trip last weekend was a lot of fun. I enjoyed our dinner and was wondering if you'd like to do it again on X night?

Good luck.
 
  Reply With Quote
singinggirl is offline singinggirl Post #5  February 5,2012, 7:34pm
singinggirl's Avatar

Jumping back in the pool.

Veteran

Joined: Jan 2008

Tennessee

Posts: 1,875

See profile

OP, I don't really think it could hurt anything to send another quick email. I agree with you friend; I'd keep it relatively brief. I would probably say something about how you enjoyed your time with her and would like to see her again. I would not say anything about how attractive you find her; that crosses into creepy, IMO. It might be nice if you could reference something specific about your date.

I would be prepared for no response or a negative response (in that, she's not interested in pursuing further dates with you), as I think she would have already reached out to you if she was interested. But you never know and nothing ventured, nothing gained. Right?
 
  Reply With Quote
cbm64 is offline cbm64 Post #6  February 6,2012, 7:10am
cbm64's Avatar

Unsure

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2010

The other South Jersey without the oil refineries and the New Yawk-ish accent.

Posts: 18

See profile

I just sent her an e-mail. I shortened it up a bit from what I had drafted last night when I first posted this thread. Glad I decided to sleep on it and ask here before I went ahead and actually did it. I basically said I hoped she had a good trip last weekend and that I hoped she had fun watching the Super Bowl this weekend. Then I mentioned enjoying spending time with her, having fun listening to her talk about her interests, and tried to make a reference to something funny she'd told me about that'd take too long to explain here. Then I just said "I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner again, maybe Friday or Saturday night?" Made no mention of the unreturned phone call and said nothing about finding her attractive.

The reason I decided to go ahead and do this was just because she had just come off a long-term relationship that apparently didn't end amicably (don't know the details). Her ex was supposed to be at this gathering she was going to last weekend - supposedly with his new girlfriend. So that's kind of why I thought I'd like to do this on the off chance that maybe she just was unsure or had an ugly scene with him that left her in a foul mood. Or maybe his new girlfriend is out and they started talking again. I obviously don't know...

singinggirl, I'm fully prepared for no response or a negative response. Like I said, I know she's most likely not calling back because she's no longer interested. But I felt like I had to make sure I was covered for the chance (however small) that it might be something else. StingFanChicago, I admit it's possible she could take it as desperation and that could slam the door shut as far as she's concerned, but I'll take that risk since I worded the e-mail carefully.

Gr8Guyn2008 - Thanks for the hint. I did say in the voice message that I wanted to see if she'd like to get together this past weekend. So she should've known why I was calling assuming she did listen to it (rather than just deleting it).

Thanks also, VB_Girl. Appreciate all the responses even though I didn't take everyone's advice.

cbm64
 
  Reply With Quote
Lenci2525 is offline Lenci2525 Post #7  February 6,2012, 11:55am
Lenci2525's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Feb 2012

Atlanta, GA

Posts: 21

See profile

I don't see a problem with sending her a brief email...I haven't checked my voicemails in about 2 months so I have no idea what's on there. If its importanwtq enough the person will call back or shoot me a text/email but that's just me. As long as it was a quick email there shouldn't be a problem, if she doesn't respond then shes not interested and if she does then go have fun!! Don't swear it though, you just need to get back into the game!
 
  Reply With Quote
DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  February 6,2012, 12:02pm
DancingFool's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Jan 2009

Posts: 5,750

See profile

I'd be cautious about chasing someone who is fresh out of a relationship as they are typically on a rebound and liable to blow hot and cold and ultimately leave you confused and hurt.

That aside, it never hurts to contact someone twice (but not more than that) because things happen - e-mails get lost, vm don't go through, text end up in the cyber black hole. I've gotten vm's days after they were left on occasion and if my phone happened to be off, I may never get the text or it may also show up hours or days later.
 
  Reply With Quote
harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #9  February 6,2012, 12:12pm
harnomygirl's Avatar

Power Poster

Joined: Mar 2011

Posts: 6,418

See profile

DancingFool wrote :
I'd be cautious about chasing someone who is fresh out of a relationship as they are typically on a rebound and liable to blow hot and cold and ultimately leave you confused and hurt.

That aside, it never hurts to contact someone twice (but not more than that) because things happen - e-mails get lost, vm don't go through, text end up in the cyber black hole. I've gotten vm's days after they were left on occasion and if my phone happened to be off, I may never get the text or it may also show up hours or days later.
Late texts happen to me fairly often. T-mobile.
 
  Reply With Quote
cbm64 is offline cbm64 Post #10  February 6,2012, 1:29pm
cbm64's Avatar

Unsure

Newbie

Joined: Nov 2010

The other South Jersey without the oil refineries and the New Yawk-ish accent.

Posts: 18

See profile

Lenci2525/DancingFool - Good point, "technical difficulties" is another reason why I decided to try sending the e-mail. When I called last week, I noticed it just rang four or five times so I figured she might not have been paying attention to her phone to click "ignore" to shut it up and then maybe didn't notice the voicemail indicator. But I didn't want to contact her again too close to the weekend or over the weekend itself and looking desperate for sure. No matter - the e-mail has been sent and if I don't hear from her, then I'm done.

I knew that there'd be a risk with dating her as soon as she mentioned her recent break-up, but I was willing to take the chance because we seemed to have a lot in common and I thought we had a good time together (plenty of laughs). I know that's not everything, but still, I thought it was worth a try. Assuming I don't hear back from her, at least she got cold after two dates so it'll be easier to move on...
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply
  • Page 1 of 2
  • 1
  • 2


« Question for guys-is it too much? | Dating | Paul Tacorian: What I've Learned About Love »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Mail decision from X Zeus3333 Using eHarmony 2 February 19,2011 8:36am
Goin straight to eharmony mail or doing the questions in the steps? IcedKiwis Using eHarmony 16 December 2,2010 9:48am
If I view an open comm. message, do I show up in Last Viewed for today? firefly1977 Using eHarmony 4 October 7,2009 3:00pm
Delayed message Exasperated Using eHarmony 3 October 4,2009 12:13am
This post will be offensive... littlebluemonkeymind AAA Completely Stupid Conversations 86 August 12,2009 9:23pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ ^This is the better plan.. My experience has been that love usually comes along when you least expect it, and when your heart is open enough to let it in. If you try to put a set time table on when ... ” –  TheThinker

Join the “Transition from dating to relationship” discussion

“ As Ingy mentions ...he's good with the lines and multitasking relationships.. All anyone can say is: don't get played again...especially by the same guy twice... Move on to someone who is decisive ... ” –  lynntlb78

Join the “Reuniting with EX” discussion

“This varies based on your age, gender, location, settings, and 29 dimensions. My settings are fairly narrow and I've always gotten a steady stream of matches. But, my location seems to have a lot ... ” –  dmi

Join the “Different Strategy” discussion

“I'm extremely allergic to cats, plus I just don't like 'em. So I won't date someone with cats. Dogs, I love. But I'm attracted to certain types of dogs. A guy with a little yorkie turns me off. ... ” –  ZisaGirl

Join the “What about a "PET BOX" ?? again this sounds simple or??” discussion

“If you get the opportunity, yes.” –  ThePriestess

Join the “Should I ever date in college?” discussion

“...and since you're Shaun Cassidy fan mitchell...this song is just for you! "Da Doo Ron Ron" I met her on a Monday And my heart stood still Da doo ron ron ron Da doo ron ron Somebody told me That ... ” –  legend29

Join the “Robin Gibbs Dead at 62...How Deep is Your Love?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 7:03am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0