Following up via e-mail on an unreturned voice message...


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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #11  February 6,2012, 2:53pm
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On the occasions you paid for dinner, did she ring or email or text saying "thank you" and inviting you to dinner or another date?

On the occasions she paid for dinner, did you ring or email or text saying "thank you" and inviting her to dinner or another date?


Is the scenario that you "took her out" and paid for both dates and are now being cold shouldered but think you should chase her by email because she ignored your voice mail? If so, delete and move on.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #12  February 6,2012, 2:56pm
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cbm64 wrote :
.......
The reason I decided to go ahead and do this was just because she had just come off a long-term relationship that apparently didn't end amicably (don't know the details). Her ex was supposed to be at this gathering she was going to last weekend - supposedly with his new girlfriend. So that's kind of why I thought I'd like to do this on the off chance that maybe she just was unsure or had an ugly scene with him that left her in a foul mood. Or maybe his new girlfriend is out and they started talking again. I obviously don't know.......
When did she inform you of being not long out of a long term relationship? and when did that relationship end?

I personally wouldn't, after someone informing me of this, ask for another date unless they showed me a lot of interest (e.g. we ended up in bed).
 
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suzyblueeyes is offline suzyblueeyes Post #13  February 7,2012, 8:57am
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I think you handled it perfectly. I agree that an unreturned call probably means you won't hear back. However, a follow up email that is short, sweet, and asks her out again is certainly not going to hurt your cause. If you hear back, great. If not, well, you obviously aren't having a problem getting dates
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #14  February 7,2012, 9:26am
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A not everyone gets /bothers with every VM. so having a self-defeating attitude about that does a lot of people in.

Playing delay games is not a good idea...nor is leaving one lame VM and assuming it got picked up...especially since you waited so long to leave it.

Shoot off another email or text along the lines of "wanted to confirm if you'd like to get together this weekend"...Good Luck..
cbm64 wrote :
I'm a 37 YO man who is rather inexperienced with dating, so I'm looking for an opinion here...

Before we wrapped up our dinner date, I asked if I could give her a call next week after she got back, and she said "sure." I walked her to her car and she said then before we parted "I'll talk to you next week."

I called her Wednesday evening and left a voice message on her cell phone.

It was pretty casual - just said something like "wanted to see how your weekend was and see if you maybe you'd like to get together this weekend." No response.
Last edited by Wiseman2; February 7,2012 at 9:37am.
 
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cbm64 is offline cbm64 Post #15  February 8,2012, 5:41am
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SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
On the occasions you paid for dinner, did she ring or email or text saying "thank you" and inviting you to dinner or another date?

On the occasions she paid for dinner, did you ring or email or text saying "thank you" and inviting her to dinner or another date?


Is the scenario that you "took her out" and paid for both dates and are now being cold shouldered but think you should chase her by email because she ignored your voice mail? If so, delete and move on.
SteveManchesterEngland wrote :
When did she inform you of being not long out of a long term relationship? and when did that relationship end?

I personally wouldn't, after someone informing me of this, ask for another date unless they showed me a lot of interest (e.g. we ended up in bed).
I paid for both dates. She thanked me for the first (a lunch date) before we parted ways that afternoon, but not the second (a dinner date). While it did irk me a little that I wasn't thanked for the second date, I decided to overlook it because I'm not perfect and sometimes forget to thank people myself. The e-mail was sent Monday, I haven't heard back (as I thought), so it's done. I'm not chasing her beyond this point. I deleted the texts we exchanged before/after our first date so her number is now gone. I saved the e-mails, but I always do that to help me do better next time or, in one case, to look out for another crazy one coming down the pike. I don't try getting back in touch with women that haven't spoken to me in months.

She was up-front about her past LTR during our getting-acquainted e-mails. I knew that could be a problem, but as I said, I decided to take the chance because we had a lot in common and we had a nice e-mail & phone conversation. If the pre-date communication hadn't been as enjoyable or it seemed like there wasn't much in common between us, I would not have asked her out.

It seemed like there was enough mutual interest on the first date. When I asked, she checked her calendar on her phone right then & there to see when she was free for the second date.

cbm64
 
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cbm64 is offline cbm64 Post #16  February 8,2012, 6:02am
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suzyblueeyes wrote :
I think you handled it perfectly. I agree that an unreturned call probably means you won't hear back. However, a follow up email that is short, sweet, and asks her out again is certainly not going to hurt your cause. If you hear back, great. If not, well, you obviously aren't having a problem getting dates
Thank you. I wish that were the case, but it isn't. These two women (the one I first met on Sunday and the one who just got the follow-up e-mail) were the first dates I've had since last March. And to be honest, I liked the one who's not answering me better, but I'd still like to see the other one at least once more to be sure. The other one has a pretty demanding job and had to go back home after our first meeting to work. So I think she might have been nervous and not quite herself not just from being on a first date but from knowing she had a lot of work waiting for her back home. I don't think it's just a story based on what she does for a living - she has been in touch with me more than once since.

I decided to try Chemistry and Geek2Geek (where I met the one mentioned in this thread) this time after getting just one date each from eHarmony and match.com neither of whom I had any desire to see again. But now the matches from Chemistry have thinned out, so I'm getting concerned. I know dry spells do happen, but I'm getting tired of these year-long dry spells without any dates.
Last edited by cbm64; February 8,2012 at 6:06am.
 
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cbm64 is offline cbm64 Post #17  February 8,2012, 6:06am
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Wiseman2 wrote :
Playing delay games is not a good idea...nor is leaving one lame VM and assuming it got picked up...especially since you waited so long to leave it.

Shoot off another email or text along the lines of "wanted to confirm if you'd like to get together this weekend"...Good Luck..
I'll remember for next time. The delay may not have been the sole reason for the non-response as I've mentioned her prior LTR status. But I didn't want to seem too desperate or pester her the minute she got back from her trip.
 
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Bethiegirl is offline Bethiegirl Post #18  February 8,2012, 7:11am
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cbm64 wrote :
I know dry spells do happen, but I'm getting tired of these year-long dry spells without any dates.
Hey, don't complain too much! I haven't had a date in two years. A one-year-long dry spell doesn't sound too bad to me!
 
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