Can you believe this guy?!? (A Poofer Story)


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MisAdventures is offline MisAdventures Post #1  February 5,2012, 12:13pm
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Hi! I've been lurking on these boards for a few months and finally decided to jump in!

So...I met a guy on match.com back in December. We seemed to hit it off and communicated on a regular basis, but due to my schedule over the holidays, we couldn't meet until early January.

We agreed to a dinner date on a Wednesday. He contacted me the day before and asked if we could move the date to Thursday. I agreed. I mean, what's one more day? Then Thursday rolls around and all of a sudden he needs to move the date to Saturday because of a last-minute work commitment. At this point, I'm a bit suspicious, but I figure that, hey, life happens.

So, Saturday arrives. I text him a few hours before the date just to confirm time and location. I hear nothing back from him. I wait a bit and then call him. It goes directly to voicemail. As 7pm (the agreed upon time) comes and goes, I realize I've been stood up. Oh, well. It happens. I went ahead deleted his number from my phone, deleted him from facebook (yeah...we were facebook friends...), and moved on.

Yesterday, I logged on to facebook to find a friend request from this guy and a message that said, "I owe you a huge apology and a whole bunch of dates. I hope you'll talk to me again and I can take you out." What?! Who does this guy think he is?!

So I sent this response back to him, "LMAO! Does re-contacting women you have stood up actually work out for you? Is that a viable dating strategy? Unless you were in a horrific car accident and spent the last month in the hospital, what you did was at best rude and inconsiderate. Best of luck finding a decent woman to put up with that behavior!" Needless to say, I did not refriend him on facebook!

Has something like this happened to anyone else?
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  February 5,2012, 2:16pm
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Uh, yes except mine texted me an hour before the date to say he couldn't make it - hospital administrator- no phone call btw. I never got that text until the next morning. The first date he was 40 minutes late with no call, and then he put me off at least twice before this date that never materialized. I was standing waiting there at the appointed place and time. He became very defensive and nasty when I refused to go out with him again. That was two years ago and I heard from him last week. He contacts me periodically and is still trying by the way. Things happen but the way a person chooses to handle them says a lot about him! Unfortunately this behavior is not uncommon.
 
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Scotidragon is offline Scotidragon Post #3  February 5,2012, 2:28pm
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The fact he did not explain why he could not make the date or call you before or after speaks volumes on how much he wanted to go on the date. You did good...and this is coming from a guy.
 
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llw11 is offline llw11 Post #4  February 5,2012, 2:34pm
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two horrible stories! i experienced something like this in my first online dating stint; it was the first woman too. we met online, talked for a couple of weeks. we were supposed to go out and she cancelled on me. fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice... after the second time, i was definitely on to her. i continued to play her game for a couple of weeks, just to see if i could get to the bottom of why she's even doing this or to see how long she was planning on doing it. only took me another week to realize that i had better things to do than waste my time with nonesense.
 
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hkola is offline hkola Post #5  February 5,2012, 3:33pm
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I totally did this to a guy last year... *hangs head in shame* My excuse is I was not ready to start dating again and basically panicked at the last minute. I did tell the guy I wasn't coming... but not until he'd already arrived at the place. I felt terrible! And lesson learned, I waited awhile until I tried again. I didn't attempt to contact HIM again though! lol... That's just nuts!

Honestly you don't know what's going on in someone's head. Don't take it personally! There was nothing wrong with the guy I stood up. And usually I'm a good person who's really sensitive to other people's feelings... I was just really messed up at the time. Put it behind you, life's too short.
 
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Bluskies4ever3 is offline Bluskies4ever3 Post #6  February 5,2012, 4:05pm
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I've never been stood up, but three guys have cancelled on the phone, maybe one to three days before the date.

I think people sometimes have panic attacks or are tired or in a bad mood, but it's unconscionable not to contact the date to cancel, preferably at least 24 hours before.

Occasionally it might indicate the person who stands one up or is generally flaky is juggling people and someone they like better or who is more demanding or even is more conveniently located becomes available for that evening on the spur.

The memoir of Candice Delong states somewhat humorously but also with appropriate chagrin how she was stood up by different men, and was literally standing on the sidewalk dressed to the nines for an hour.
She was a FBI agent, drop dead gorgeous, with an engaging, kind personality so it happens sometimes even to very desirable and accomplished people, and of course, to both genders.

Hope you meet more reliable dates in the future.
 
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smileygirl is offline smileygirl Post #7  February 5,2012, 7:01pm
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I had one guy set up a meeting for a drink with me the day after we spoke on the phone. I arrived a few minutes early, so sat at the bar, with a view of the door and waited. After 30 minutes, figuring he was stuck in traffic, I decided to call him to let him know I was at the bar, and I get "I am sorry, this caller does not accept calls from your number" - he blocked me. A month goes by, and he picks me as his "favorite" on a different site. I just chalk it up to my dating adventures.
 
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lissa783 is offline lissa783 Post #8  February 5,2012, 7:28pm
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I have been stood up once, but it was after we had already met once. Never had someone stand me up on the first meeting, that must have felt pretty terrible. Glad you didn't give him another chance though. I am sure it is because he was out with someone else, that didn't work out, so he went to you for plan B.
 
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denverdating is offline denverdating Post #9  February 5,2012, 7:37pm
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This guy ws prolly my bf who was playing the field online and in town, while he was dating and staying with me. (He lived in another state) Just know gals...if he isn't available for a date that you set up, then he has someone in first place who he is trying to please and you may be 2nd place. I thought I was a smart gal til I met this master player/manipulator. Pay attention and trust your gut and don't settle for being treated badly. I have found one can never really know what lurks in the minds of some men. they have been practicing for years.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #10  February 5,2012, 7:45pm
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I would say this behavior is more flakey than poofer-y.

Yes, there are plenty of flakes out there.

#1 Flake canceled via text roughly an hour prior (after confirming plans earlier in the day) to the time we had arranged to meet (first meet) to take a nap and do last minute Christmas shopping.

#2 Flake had taken his profile down and requested via text to postpone our date to later in the week. I figured he had met someone he really liked (which is great, but don't string me along), but didn't want to completely kill his shot at meeting me. Still haven't heard from him, so I assume things are going well w/ them.

#3 Flake canceled (first meet) b/c of an eye infection. So, I am not the best at giving peeps the benefit of the doubt, but I did w/ him... even felt sorry for him. He had sent three initial e-mails... one VIP, so I figured he really wanted to get my attention (which I thought was flattering). I let him reschedule twice b/c I believed his swollen, ugly eye story. After milking the eye infection for three weeks I stopped giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Funny thing is, all my flakers occurred w/i the same couple of weeks, which I thought was really odd.

Anyway, my motto is if he shows you he's a flake, believe him...
Last edited by Special-K; February 5,2012 at 7:47pm.
 
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