Won't take "no" for an answer


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smileygirl is offline smileygirl Post #1  February 5,2012, 10:24am
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Do people really think it is romantic or flattering to pursue you, after you have politely and gently know that this is not the relationship for you or a relationship you are interested in pursuing?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  February 5,2012, 10:31am
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Well, it sounds like at least one person does.

I lean toward the other side myself - needing clear interest - but this is a staple of romantic movies, so there seems to be some societal belief in filling a role.
 
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AndieIsMe is offline AndieIsMe — Advice Member-Moderator Post #3  February 5,2012, 10:59am
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How many times have you said no? Was it a passive or non-committal "no"? (ie, sorry, I'm busy tonight OR You asked me too late, I made other plans, sorry) Or, a direct, not to be misinterpreted "no"?

Sometimes you have to be very direct in your communications with people. Straight, to the point, no flowery words to soften the blow. Just tell them "we are not a good match. Good luck." and leave it at that. Ignore all other communications from them after that point. No need to say why you don't think they are a good match for you.
 
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MisAdventures is offline MisAdventures Post #4  February 5,2012, 12:17pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Well, it sounds like at least one person does.

I lean toward the other side myself - needing clear interest - but this is a staple of romantic movies, so there seems to be some societal belief in filling a role.
^^^^ This! So many minds are warped by how "courtship" is portrayed on TV and in movies and books. Some people can't seem to understand that "no" means "no" - not "ask me again later".
 
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myusernamehere is online now myusernamehere Post #5  February 5,2012, 1:29pm
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This is the result of men being told by the world that they need to pursue.
 
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Scotidragon is offline Scotidragon Post #6  February 5,2012, 1:32pm
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You'll have to be blunt, perhaps going out of your comfort zone by just flatly and undeniably telling him "no". After that...if there is still persistance, you may have to involve the authorities. If it starts feeling creepy, then you've already let it go too far. Stand up for yourself and let "no" mean "no".
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  February 5,2012, 5:09pm
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Obviously your lack of interest was interpreted as you playing hard to get.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  February 5,2012, 5:12pm
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D_Lion wrote :
Well, it sounds like at least one person does.

I lean toward the other side myself - needing clear interest - but this is a staple of romantic movies, so there seems to be some societal belief in filling a role.
myusernamehere wrote :
This is the result of men being told by the world that they need to pursue.
Both these. And if you read these boards you see both of these concepts being put forth by some of the women here.
 
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JGoodchocolate is offline JGoodchocolate Post #9  February 5,2012, 5:44pm
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Sorry to say I have had a similar issue! I am being email stocked by some 58 year old man! (im 26) Multiple times I have declined politely, yet he still trys! I just think that some people dont what to hear NO for an answer. My advice, just ignor or block the emails.
 
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smileygirl is offline smileygirl Post #10  February 5,2012, 5:57pm
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AndieIsMe wrote :
How many times have you said no? Was it a passive or non-committal "no"? (ie, sorry, I'm busy tonight OR You asked me too late, I made other plans, sorry) Or, a direct, not to be misinterpreted "no"?

Sometimes you have to be very direct in your communications with people. Straight, to the point, no flowery words to soften the blow. Just tell them "we are not a good match. Good luck." and leave it at that. Ignore all other communications from them after that point. No need to say why you don't think they are a good match for you.
Sorry, I was at a superbowl party...so, the reply is I was very direct. The back story; we chatted on line on a Sunday, moved to the phone on Tuesday and had lunch on Wednesday. Lunch went well, and we ageed to get together again, as we are both divorced and have the same custody scheduele, which would have been the following weekend (so, the week after lunch) although he invited me sometwhere for Saturday, I had said if my daughter was with her dad, I would be happy to go (it was not dad's weekend, but he had mentioned he may want her for his birthday, so it would have worked well) The very next day he was texting all day. Now a good morning text is sweet, and a mid afternoon "how is your day" is nice, and a good night conversation or text is a good connection, but this was literally all day - and several times, I did not answer right away, and let him know I was in meetings. By Friday, the text were all day again, and he started pushing me to get a babysitter, after I let him know my ex could not take my daughter like he wanted due to a work conflict, so we agreed to wait til our kid free day but then he asked if I could get my older kids to watch my youngest, but one is at college and the other had a college interview. Then he asked if I could get my mom to do it...I said no, she lives an hour away and my dad just passed away weeks before, so he followed up by asking "wouldn't one of your brothers or sisters love to have their little niece" I said, no, I am not asking them, when they are busy with their own very young children. Then he offered 'could we hire a sitter" which I again declined. The last straw was when he asked if he could come over after my daughter went to sleep. I said, "no, I only had one date with you, I don't allow men in my home unless we are dating, and even then it is when she is with her dad, until it is a relationship" He said "I think you are making the right decision, I just had to ask"

The very next day, I woke up realizing that I was turned off and not feeling comfortable so I wrote the following: "I need to be frank with you, this is not working for me and we are better off parting ways now. Good luck in search" He responded "Good luck to you as well" but it did not stop there. He wrote back saying, he knows he was wrong being too aggressive and he would dial it down, could I give him a second chance. I again said, "No, I am confident in my decision" That was two weeks ago. Today, I got 3 texts from him, asking to give him a second chance, that he realizes he made a mistake. I was very clear "I have moved forward and I am not interested. Good luck" and then he said "Isn't it easier to try again, considering we had a connection, rather than start over looking for someone new" I again said "Thanks for the offer, but no, I am not interested. Please do not contact me again" He did text me after that, and I have ignored it and blocked the number.

I was direct but polite.
Last edited by smileygirl; February 5,2012 at 7:39pm.
 
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