Advice about how to let someone down gently...


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Holiday_HH is offline Holiday_HH Post #1  February 5,2012, 5:10am
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... And when to stop communication altogether.

Okay so unfortunately I have to give you a detailed backstory to get this right.

Got matched with a guy at the end of December; exchanged a few e-mails/texts. We made plans to meet up but he was out of town with work for a
Couple of weeks and because of schedules etc. we weren't able to find a
Time to meet until this coming week. Meanwhile - I get matched with another guy and we meet up fairly quickly and seemingly, we are hitting it off well. So, last weekend, after match #2 and I had a really great fifth date, I texted guy #1 (we haven't talked on the phone so I didn't think it was appropriate to call) and basically explained that I was "seeing" someone and wanted to see where it was going....yada,yada,yada... Sorry but I don't think we'll meet up."

That night, I get a series of texts from match #1 that were clearly not meant for me (or if they were...designed to make me jealous/rethink my decision?)... Texts using other girls's names ("I had such a great time with you [name], can't wait to do it again" - even after I lightheartedly texted something like "I'm glad you had a great night but you might want to check who you're texting right now I got about 6 more texts (increasingly intense/intimate). So, I just ignored them after a while. Two days later, I get a text basically telling me I was missing out by my not meeting him etc. I basically said that I wasn't really interested at all any more regardless of whether I was seeing someone or not... The series of texts turned me off.

So here is the dilemma: he keeps texting me trying to convince me we should meet. What do I do now? Ignore the texts until he gets tired and moves on? The texts are not aggressive in nature but there are a lot of them... And what do I do if it escalates to him calling me?


(sorry about the length and any possible typos. Computer is down so I'm using my phone).

~Holiday
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  February 5,2012, 5:14am
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Is your phone capable of blocking people ? Mine does, worth checking.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #3  February 5,2012, 5:15am
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Holiday_HH wrote :
What do I do now? Ignore the texts until he gets tired and moves on?
Uh...yeah.
He wants to keep any all conacxt with you...don't do it.
If he continues to text you, change your number...it's not hard to do this. Cell phone companies do this all the time.
 
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Holiday_HH is offline Holiday_HH Post #4  February 5,2012, 5:17am
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Is missing home....

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Thanks!
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #5  February 5,2012, 5:21am
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Ignore him. Do not respond. That's been the advice of a psychologist friend and it has worked. Any response from you will set this compulsive type off. Luckily you did not meet him. He is obsessive.
 
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myusernamehere is online now myusernamehere Post #6  February 5,2012, 6:28am
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I think you both were wrong here.

You're about to go out with this guy but you suddenly drop him because someone else came along? That's cold. My philosophy is to date one person at a time; this "multi-dating" concept is distasteful.

His reaction was also bad. It sounds like he's suffering from oneitis. If I was him, I'd just ignore you entirely and move on. It's never good to be somebody's fallback option.
 
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upstategirl is offline upstategirl Post #7  February 5,2012, 6:44am
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myusernamehere wrote :

You're about to go out with this guy but you suddenly drop him because someone else came along? That's cold. My philosophy is to date one person at a time; this "multi-dating" concept is distasteful.
.
She never met or dated this guy because he was too busy, meanwhile she starting dating someone else who she hit it off with and politely let guy #1 know she was seeing someone else. How is this cold?

OP, same advice, ignore his texts (if he calls, ignore the call) do not respond. Eventually, he will stop, if not, you might have to change your cell number.
 
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myusernamehere is online now myusernamehere Post #8  February 5,2012, 7:29am
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upstategirl wrote :
She never met or dated this guy because he was too busy, meanwhile she starting dating someone else who she hit it off with and politely let guy #1 know she was seeing someone else. How is this cold?
She was planning to though. She owes it to the guy to see how things work out with him before moving on to someone else. Ultimately, I feel this guy dodged a bullet as she doesn't sound like a loyal person.
 
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dmi is online now dmi Post #9  February 5,2012, 7:45am
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myusernamehere wrote :
I think you both were wrong here.

You're about to go out with this guy but you suddenly drop him because someone else came along? That's cold. My philosophy is to date one person at a time; this "multi-dating" concept is distasteful.

His reaction was also bad. It sounds like he's suffering from oneitis. If I was him, I'd just ignore you entirely and move on. It's never good to be somebody's fallback option.
No, you drop him because he is behaving inappropriately. If he was behaving appropriately, maybe you revisit if things don't work out with match #2.

If you haven't already, send him something telling him in no uncertain terms to cease contact, then you block/ignore him.
 
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NikkNakk is offline NikkNakk Post #10  February 5,2012, 7:53am
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myusernamehere wrote :
I think you both were wrong here.

You're about to go out with this guy but you suddenly drop him because someone else came along? That's cold. My philosophy is to date one person at a time; this "multi-dating" concept is distasteful.

His reaction was also bad. It sounds like he's suffering from oneitis. If I was him, I'd just ignore you entirely and move on. It's never good to be somebody's fallback option.
Hmmm.. I actually thought she did the polite thing when she told Match #1 she started seeing someone else and wanted to see where it went. I do not believe she was "multi dating" anyone at all. She was simply in conversation with both of them. I do not see the harm in that, when Match #1 was clearly seeing other women as well.

I was actually in communication with a man who wanted to meet for coffee one day. Unfortunately I was unable to meet that day and we would try for another time. A few days later I sent him a text message to see when he wanted to reschedule. He ended up telling me he was already in further communication with someone else and wanted to see where it went. I thought it was very nice of him to let me know. It was respectful and that is something I do not see very often anymore.
 
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