Help - I'm dating 2 guys who work with each other!


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girltalk is offline girltalk Post #1  February 5,2012, 12:09am
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I've had two dates with Guy #1, who I met through EH. There was chemistry, and it was the funnest first date I've ever been on. He has tons of potential for a LTR because he has a lot of what I'm looking for. I feel like even my parents would approve of him (and they are very very picky on guys I date). Only problem - he moves very slowly. No kiss yet.

I met Guy #2 through POF. He seemed really cool from the emails he sent me. I happened to look him up online a couple days before we met (not something I usually do, but it turned out he was really easy to find. He has an online resume because of the type of job he has), and I was shocked to find out that he works for the same company as Guy #1. They work on the same project, so they must know each other. In fact, both guys have mentioned that they hang out with their coworkers a lot, so they could even be friends.

My date with guy #2 was today. I wasn't blown away, but I thought he was very sweet, attractive, and intelligent. He seems like a really cool guy. He expressed interest in seeing me again, but I am unsure of what to do. I don't want to mess things up with Guy #1 (who I am seeing tomorrow) because I see a potential for something special here. But then again, I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket, and I think Guy#2 is a viable candidate as well. I feel that this situation could lead to a lot of drama if I continue to date both of them and they find out when they talk to each other.

Does anyone have any advice on what I should do? Help!
 
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allurah is offline allurah Post #2  February 5,2012, 12:19am
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The only way it will lead to drama is if you are deceptive toward either or both. Otherwise, while still just dating it is fair game.

Basically once you decide to be exclusive with one you have to cut ties with the other. Problem solved.
 
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melvimbe is online now melvimbe Post #3  February 5,2012, 3:43am
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I imagine others have different opinions on this, but this may be a case where you should let both guys know what's going. I normally would not recommend it, but they will likely find out, and then you will look deceptive you pretend you didn't know, or even say you found out and didn't say anything. As you said, they could be friends and this could inadvertently put a wedge between them.

If you tell them, one or both could drop out, probably not what you want. If they both stay, then it could be somewhat of a competition for them...also not what you want. Really, I don't think there is distinctly positive choice here, except that you stay honest if you tell them.

I just don't like the idea of dropping one of them before you are really ready to do so. If I was one of those guys, I would resent that. I would let the guys decide what they want to do, and as long as it doesn't make you feel uncomfortable to the point that you don't want to see whichever one(s) want to date you, then stay with it.
 
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melvimbe is online now melvimbe Post #4  February 5,2012, 3:44am
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I imagine others have different opinions on this, but this may be a case where you should let both guys know what's going. I normally would not recommend it, but they will likely find out, and then you will look deceptive you pretend you didn't know, or even say you found out and didn't say anything. As you said, they could be friends and this could inadvertently put a wedge between them.

If you tell them, one or both could drop out, probably not what you want. If they both stay, then it could be somewhat of a competition for them...also not what you want. Really, I don't think there is distinctly positive choice here, except that you stay honest if you tell them.

I just don't like the idea of dropping one of them before you are really ready to do so. If I was one of those guys, I would resent that. I would let the guys decide what they want to do, and as long as it doesn't make you feel uncomfortable to the point that you don't want to see whichever one(s) want to date you, then stay with it.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #5  February 5,2012, 3:58am
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I'd pick the guy you feel you want to pursue things with and take your chances and let the chips fall where they may. Sometimes you can't have your cake & eat it, too.
Sounds like it's the first guy for you.
Think of it this way: had you met this guy with no other choices in front of you, you probably would have gone with him and stuck with it...barring any red flags. He makes you laugh, right?

If you continue with both of them and don't say anything eventually they will find out and I doubt either of them will like that... and they'll probably both feel as if you were playing them. That's a no win scenario, IMO.
 
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Alli824 is online now Alli824 — Advice Member-Moderator Post #6  February 5,2012, 4:10am
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I'd be upfront and mention it to both. You happened to get Matched with them you did not purposely seek this situation out. If one of them chooses to drop out it speaks to what he's about or is an indicator of lukewarm interests, At the very least you will know early. Good luck!
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #7  February 5,2012, 4:39am
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I agree. tell them upfront so as to avoid any drama later.
 
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TheThinker is offline TheThinker Post #8  February 5,2012, 4:45am
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Alli824 wrote :
I'd be upfront and mention it to both.
As a guy...who is not a true multi-dater(IOW, once I see a spark I pursue that, which she, the OP has)I say there is no need to do this.
I'll tell you why...she's had two dates with the guy she really likes.
She's had exactly one date with the guy she's "meh" about..
She owes nothing(at this point) of any kind of explanation other than to the guy she picks. And she can disclose this to whomever she picks after the 2nd or third date. "After one date, I found out you guys both work with each other, besides, I want to see only you"
If she takes the position that this is a huge deal and it's both of these guys' business that they both know they are in competition with each other for her "affections".. both guys will most likely resent her for it, and for not making a decision, early on.
Now is the time to make the decision and pick and be done with it..
Take a chance...go with your gut..put yourself out there.
Like I said, you can't have it all.
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #9  February 5,2012, 4:55am
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You need to make a choice ... if they are friends and talk to each other on a personal level, you will loose both of them. You have no idea if that happened already ....

I understand not putting all your eggs in one basket, but this doesn't really apply here. Avoid the drama ....
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #10  February 5,2012, 5:28am
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I agree with the guys.

The bottom line here, unless these guys are smitten or desperate (and neither of those are healthy in the first place), is that professional courtesy would lead each of them to offer you to the other, and bow out. This being the case, you'll still have a chance with one, but don't get the choice. (He may also give up in a few meetings, and then you can contact the other, as well.)

There is certainly the possibility they do not know. I minimally discuss dating in my workplace, and never with any specifics until there is a stable relationship.

Disclosure, as the Ladies are advising, seems to come from a place of wanting to be chased. This is better as a movie plot than a workplace dynamic, and intelligent (especially slow-moving) guys know it.

Personally, I would offer to my co-worker to bow out. I would try to decide this on the basis of which of us had better alternate options. In the event you selected one of us, and that didn't work out, so long as I was still available, it would not offend me to be offered a chance later (though by then I will have feedback on how you treated my friend.)

Good luck with it.
 
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