Brand new here and bored, want to hear my life story?


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LDJ is offline LDJ Post #11  February 5,2012, 9:32am
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You write very well, good luck with the publishing effort.

The best advice I have for someone like you is to become the person who you'd like to date. It sounds as though you are on the right track.

I am concerned though, that you seek a partner to fulfill you. This is an overwhelming mandate for anyone you do date, if they sense it.

When you have a long standing highschool sweetheart relationship, you had a relationship with pretty much no baggage and an innocense you are not likely to find again. In those relationships of youth, the relationship tends to manage the people in it, rather than the other way around. It can lead to a false sense of what a relationship is and how it works. In the grown up world, it is more a decision to find a compatible partner and stick to the commitment to make it work.

You might want to try being more selective about who you date, think hard about the qualities you are looking for and don't settle for anything less. I get the impression you are dating in a very directionless sort of way, going out just for the fun and the good time. If you put more thought into filtering, you may find more longstanding opportunities.

Many of us here on the boards, did yearn for the same things you seek , a partner and a family and we did achieve those, but ten or twelve or fifteen or more years later, it all stopped working. So, make peace with the fact that you alone are responsible for making a happy life for yourself and that elusive partner may never show up. This doesn't mean you can't be happy.

Do not think so cynically that all the good ones are gone at the tender age of 24. Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes for all of us.
 
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Herkemer is offline Herkemer Post #12  February 5,2012, 8:05pm
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Very sound reasonable input, thank you for that and the welcomes.

I hadn't considered just not seeking to date anyone and just finding ways to expand on my extra curriculars and hobbies. I suppose I was just in the mindset of trying to experience once more the type of happiness that came from a good relationship. (Not to say I am unhappy now, I am actually pleased with how life is treating me at the moment.) Though a connection with someone brings a different type of happiness, in my opinion.

While I don't believe I am looking for perfection, as that would be most unreasonable (Not to mention the fact that I am far from perfect myself), I will take care to double-check my reasoning for choosing to not pursue someone further.

I also agree with the thought that I should put more effort into the initial filtering, and being more selective with the traits I find most important. As opposed to just dating anyone I find an initial interest with.

There's nothing like some outside viewpoints and reason to slightly shift one's perspective.
 
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JGoodchocolate is offline JGoodchocolate Post #13  February 5,2012, 9:11pm
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Wow lol to be only 24 an have all your friends be married around you?! are you in a military community or in the back woods? ~ I am 26 and have been married/divorced...also had a 3 year relation after that. Sad to say i did the samething....saw each other everyday/bestfriends, broke up then got together again 5 months later...only to end once again. When i was ready to date again i compared everyone to my ex, even when i didnt mean to. My best advice is to not stress love usually comes along when you are not looking for it.....But if you must have that companionship..then take your time. Also you must give girls a real chance, love grows with time. Most of the people i had long term relations with i wasnt head over heels at first, but with time it bloomed into something amazing. lmao but then again im on these dating sites to sooooo maybe my advice isnt that great lol either way good luck.
 
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