Should I continue to pursue this guy?


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Auriga735 is offline Auriga735 Post #1  February 4,2012, 10:19am
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I'm really new at this whole dating thing, so I'm not sure what to do in this particular case. About a month ago, I met this I liked guy in a bar/club setting. I know, bars/clubs are not necessarily the best place to get to know someone, but he and I had some things in common and I felt comfortable with him. We danced a bit, and I offered to drive him home (he would have needed to leave early to take the subway back). While I was talking to him, I wasn't really expecting anything other than to maybe make a new friend. However, before I dropped him off at his place, he asked for a kiss. I was a bit thrown off since I wasn't expecting it, but he said he had wanted to kiss me all night, but was reluctant to do it. I gave him an awkward kiss since I wasn't expecting it, and when he left he said that he hoped to see me again soon.

The following weekend, I sent him a text asking if he wanted to meet up for a drink. He accepted, and I met him at a bar. We had a few drinks, and we ended up making out most of the night while we were out. He told me that I was really cute, and some other endearing things, and I returned his compliments. Earlier in the day, he asked me if I would mind if he brought his friend from last week along (I also met his friend last week). I told him that I wouldn't, but it turns out he did not end up inviting his friend, since he said he wanted to be alone with me. Later in the night, he offered to let me stay at his place. I wasn't really sure that it was a good idea, since it was only our first date, but I was tired and did not want to drive 30+ minutes to get home, so I ended up staying. We didn't really do much in bed; there was not much beyond making out. When I left the next morning, he asked me if we would see each other next week, and I said "maybe; send me a text." I'm not sure if that was a bad thing to say. I mean, I did want to see him, but I wasn't 100% sure if I could make it, so I said maybe.

Anyhow, the week after that, I sent him another text asking if he would like to meet up. He said he was tired from work, and did not feel like going out. He thanked me for the invite. I was a bit disappointed, but he does have a long work week and his job does sound stressful, so I didn't hold it against him. The following week, I decided not to text him since I always felt like I was initiating. I didn't want to look desperate, so I waited for him to text me, but I never got a text from him. I thought our date went well, and that he was into me, so I thought he might invite me out--I had asked him out the last two times, so I thought maybe he would do it this time.

So my question is, should I initiate another date, or should I just forget about it? He seems like he was into me, but it feels weird always having to be the one to ask him out. Maybe he's too busy to make time for me, and I'm wasting my time thinking about him. Should I text him this weekend, or should I just forget about it?
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #2  February 4,2012, 10:37am
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It sounds more like a one night stand.
 
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Auriga735 is offline Auriga735 Post #3  February 4,2012, 10:46am
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I couldn't really tell if it was a one night stand, or if he was actually interested in seeing me more. He seemed to be interested; we were talking throughout the night and he seemed like a really nice guy. But maybe that's just what it was?
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #4  February 4,2012, 10:46am
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I think that "Maybe, send me a text" did it for him ... he was looking for someone easily accessible, cough cough .... Not a relationship ...
 
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Wiseman2 is online now Wiseman2 Post #5  February 4,2012, 10:54am
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Agree:
Goomph wrote :
he was looking for someone easily accessible, cough cough .... Not a relationship ...
One night stand or hook-ups...since that is how you set the tone and pace.
If this is what you are looking for: ...go to bars...drive guys home...meet again at bars...stay over...etc...then that's what it is..
What's weird is sexless sleepovers after "making out all night"...what's up with that?...Why drive to his place for that?
 
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upstategirl is offline upstategirl Post #6  February 4,2012, 10:58am
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Auriga735 wrote :
I couldn't really tell if it was a one night stand, or if he was actually interested in seeing me more. He seemed to be interested; we were talking throughout the night and he seemed like a really nice guy. But maybe that's just what it was?

He has never initiated contact with you, nor asked you on a date and you do not see him unless you invite him out. Sorry to say, but it sounds like he is only interested in a casual hook up.
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #7  February 4,2012, 11:19am
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If all he wanted was a casual hookup, why didn't he "go all the way" when she was right there in his bed and spent the night? Furthermore, he knows she's likely willing to sleep with him so why wouldn't he then simply make a call to her and set up another bar date if all he wanted was easy sex?

Nothing about this situation makes any sense. My reads are the guy is either an utter flake, is playing some kind of ignoring game with her to keep her pursuing and off-kilter, or he has so many women on the go he doesn't need to call any of them.

Auriga, why are you pursuing this guy? Is he really hot or something? I'd back off and wait for him to demonstrate some sign of honest interest. Not just a call, but actually setting up and planning a proper date with you.
Last edited by insertscreenname; February 4,2012 at 11:21am.
 
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Special-K is offline Special-K Post #8  February 4,2012, 11:41am
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insertscreenname wrote :
If all he wanted was a casual hookup, why didn't he "go all the way" when she was right there in his bed and spent the night? Furthermore, he knows she's likely willing to sleep with him so why wouldn't he then simply make a call to her and set up another bar date if all he wanted was easy sex?

Nothing about this situation makes any sense. My reads are the guy is either an utter flake, is playing some kind of ignoring game with her to keep her pursuing and off-kilter, or he has so many women on the go he doesn't need to call any of them.

Auriga, why are you pursuing this guy? Is he really hot or something? I'd back off and wait for him to demonstrate some sign of honest interest. Not just a call, but actually setting up and planning a proper date with you.
First, in response to the OP's title, my advice is, no, you should not continue to pursue.

As to the rest, I think ISN has made some valid points; however, I would wonder what "we didn't really do much in bed" means. I mean what is your definition of "much?" If he got "some" and was happy w/ what he got, there's your answer... ... and (at the risk of being slaughtered here), he didn't have to do much to get it.

If you had wanted to 'date' him, you should have at least let him do some of the investing.
 
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brokensmile76 is offline brokensmile76 Post #9  February 4,2012, 11:55am
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Listen closely....
When a man is truly interested in you, he will stop at nothing to talk to you and to see you. If he is not initiating any contact and not making plans to see you, he is not into you.

It sounds like he was never really into you but just sorta kept you on the back burner. You became his back-up girl. Just forget that chump and move on.
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #10  February 4,2012, 12:11pm
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brokensmile76 wrote :
Listen closely....
When a man is truly interested in you, he will stop at nothing to talk to you and to see you. If he is not initiating any contact and not making plans to see you, he is not into you.

This ^^^^^^^^^^ so true ....
 
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