Not feeling it on date 3 - what's the polite way to handle?


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thinkinthebrink is offline thinkinthebrink Post #1  January 30,2012, 2:29pm
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In my first dating adventure in decades (happy face!), I met a very nice man for three dates. The first date ended awkwardly, but I decided to see if he was just in a hurry - he was on his way somewhere for a meeting. I had some doubts, but I wanted to be open-minded, so I saw him again. On the second date we again sat in a restaurant while he once again told me all about himself and everything else. I did get some words in edgewise on the first two dates. He kissed me as we parted on the second date (Ooo! Lala!) so I went out with him on the third date. I wanted to give him a chance to ask me something that would indicate that he wanted to get to know *me* (not a fantasy version of me, or whatever he was working from). Well, it didn't happen, and the third date ended awkwardly with a kiss from him that I kind of shut down. I am sure he understood how I was feeling, or wasn't feeling. I don't think he'd be shocked to know that I don't want to see him again (nice guy - just not for me). Should I send him a little email just saying "thanks for three nice dates ---- I don't think we're a match --- best of luck --- etc."? Or should I just leave it alone unless he calls again (unlikely - I don't think I was selling what he was looking for)?

Thanks in advance for what I know will be excellent advice!!!
 
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meanminicooper is offline meanminicooper Post #2  January 30,2012, 2:33pm
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Be mature. Contact him and say you dont think you 2 are a match and wish him luck.

Less is more
 
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Ingytravel is offline Ingytravel Post #3  January 30,2012, 2:40pm
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You will find that there are camps on either side of this discussion....So you need to just be yourself and do what you want to do.

I happen to always send a follow up email the morning after a date and for someone that I don't want to see again...I say, "Hi Joe, thank you so much for the dinner last night. Even though I have enjoyed getting to know you this last week, I just don't see us a match to go forward. I do wish you luck in your search...Take care...Ingy".....

Plain and simple.....

Some people think it's "presumptuous" to do this....but I always err on the side of caution and kindness to just let someone know where I am coming from and then no one has to guess and we both go merrily along our way...

And on the other side....I truly don't care whether someone decides to let me know or not...If they just 'poof'...than that will tell me something...lol....or get an email/text....It's usually not a shock as it's fairly easy to tell when a date just isn't clicking....

That is why I think you just need to do what you feel is right for you...

Good luck!
 
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nv1983 is offline nv1983 Post #4  January 30,2012, 2:42pm
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Sending him an email and letting him know is definitely the way to go. Don't need to go into details, just say you don't think you're a good match, but that you had a nice time on your dates and that you wish him the best in the future, that'll do it. He probably knows this already since you shut down his 3rd date kiss.
 
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pink_tulip is offline pink_tulip Post #5  January 30,2012, 2:47pm
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Yes, DO contact him and let him know you are not feeling it, it is the only polite thing to do... Email of phone ...


Best of luck ;-)
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  January 30,2012, 2:51pm
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If he contacts you, let him know you are not interested. If he doesn't, he wasn't dense and got it on the parting of your last date. Don't insult his intelligence by sending an unsolicited rejection e-mail. The only thing that will accomplish is make you look like a social misfit.
 
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Faraday is online now Faraday Post #7  January 30,2012, 3:03pm
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DancingFool wrote :
If he contacts you, let him know you are not interested. If he doesn't, he wasn't dense and got it on the parting of your last date. Don't insult his intelligence by sending an unsolicited rejection e-mail. The only thing that will accomplish is make you look like a social misfit.

This is how I do it too...I think it would be awkward getting an email from someone who I wasn't even thinking about going out with again saying, "Thanks, but there was no chemistry" Uhhh...yeah obviously...or you would have heard from me.

If you hear back, then you can tell him...

Good luck
 
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EccentricAmbiguity is offline EccentricAmbiguity Post #8  January 30,2012, 3:10pm
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Faraday wrote :
This is how I do it too...I think it would be awkward getting an email from someone who I wasn't even thinking about going out with again saying, "Thanks, but there was no chemistry" Uhhh...yeah obviously...or you would have heard from me.

If you hear back, then you can tell him...

Good luck
Totallly....this happened to me last month. I realized after a second date that I actually wasn't into a guy although we had gotten pretty cozy that night. He texted me the next day to thank me for the night and I let him know I enjoyed it too....but as the days went on I realized....ugh. Not for me. Well what do you know 4-5 days later he sends me this long email saying hes not ready to date and on and on and on....I was actually kind of annoyed. I wrote back and basically said in no uncertain terms that I agreed.
I tend to go the route of: if I hear from them I let them know. If they never contact me again I assume either they got the hint I wasn't interested or they decided they weren't interested either.
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #9  January 30,2012, 3:11pm
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DancingFool wrote :
If he contacts you, let him know you are not interested. If he doesn't, he wasn't dense and got it on the parting of your last date. Don't insult his intelligence by sending an unsolicited rejection e-mail. The only thing that will accomplish is make you look like a social misfit.
While I don't feel this strongly about it, I do agree that there is no need to answer a question that hasn't been asked.
If you choose to though, I wouldn't put you all the way in the social misfit category
 
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MileHighArtist is offline MileHighArtist Post #10  January 30,2012, 3:14pm
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Be mature and don't fall for this ''well if he didn't call the next day...'' If you're not intereste tell him with a short precise email. Painless, but considerate.
 
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