tangochef is offline tangochef Post #1  January 30,2012, 9:41am
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I had a lunch date (and dinner as well but that is not germane to this) this past Saturday.

She was married for 13 years, divorced for two, and just starting dating.

I was her first date other than her ex-husband in 17 years.

During first part of the lunch, she kept looking down at the plate, no eye contact at all. Eventually I got her to warm up a bit, so she was looking at me.

After we left the restaurant and about to part ways she asked me what the protocol was (in regards to how to say goodbye).

I said that "well, we go to my place for some wild sex ". That made her laugh, and then I gave her a hug and said goodbye.

The whole episode made me realize how difficult it must be for some that become single after spending almost all of their adult lives with just one person.

I will not see her again, as I did not feel that we were a match. Though, it is not because of the shyness as I feel I could make her come out of her shell in time. I would hope that she meets the right guy, and not someone that would take advantage of her.
 
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Goomph is offline Goomph — Advice Member-Moderator Post #2  January 30,2012, 9:48am
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It is VERY difficult indeed ... I wish her best of luck ! You are good guy for making her have a good time and laugh, Classy !
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #3  January 30,2012, 10:30am
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I remember my first date after ending my marriage. I talked non-stop and my ADHD was all over the place. I was a nervous wreck.

how will you handle not wanting to go out again? will you tell her even if she doesn't contact you?
 
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tangochef is offline tangochef Post #4  January 30,2012, 10:47am
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I made a point of mentioning that I was going overseas for seven weeks tomorrow. Made a joke that by the time I came back, she'd probably be in love with some guy.

With her shyness/nervousness I don't think she needs an overt rejection, it was a first date after all.
 
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scully98 is offline scully98 Post #5  January 30,2012, 11:43am
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that was nice of you. but do you think she wanted a second date with you? I ask because I ended up becoming friends with the guy I went out with on the first date. I wasn't interested in him, either, once I thought about it. but for the first few days post-date I thought I did.

we went out a few months later for drinks, as friends, and I tried to set him up with a couple of friends who weren't into him. and now he's he just hired a good friend of mine for a job at his company.

so it all worked out.
 
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insertscreenname is offline insertscreenname Post #6  January 30,2012, 11:46am
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Tell us about the dinner date too, tango!
 
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Dropdeadredtx is offline Dropdeadredtx Post #7  January 30,2012, 11:53am
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A class act all the way, as usual. You may have made it easier for her to go on her next date!
 
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FairOne is offline FairOne Post #8  January 30,2012, 12:08pm
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tangochef wrote :
I made a point of mentioning that I was going overseas for seven weeks tomorrow. Made a joke that by the time I came back, she'd probably be in love with some guy.

With her shyness/nervousness I don't think she needs an overt rejection, it was a first date after all.
When you made that joke did she laugh along with you or say something trying to convince you that that wouldn't be the case?
I would just hate for her to somehow think she should 'wait' for you because it might go somewhere... hopefully she is not that green though.
 
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harnomygirl is offline harnomygirl Post #9  January 30,2012, 12:16pm
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FairOne wrote :
When you made that joke did she laugh along with you or say something trying to convince you that that wouldn't be the case?
I would just hate for her to somehow think she should 'wait' for you because it might go somewhere... hopefully she is not that green though.
If she's been hoping for an excuse not to have to go on any more first dates she might wait for him. That would be nuts though. It's more likely she realized it was a well-handled brush off. Even if she didn't, his lack of future contact and feedback from her friends should set her straight.
 
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SteveManchesterEngland is offline SteveManchesterEngland Post #10  January 30,2012, 12:23pm
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Sounds like you treated her with respect. She was very lucky to meet you.
 
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